The Fall Up (The Fall Up, #1)(59)

I smiled, hoping to receive one in return, but as he traced a finger down my cleavage, concern covered the strong angles of his face.

“I f*cking love that. I really do. But what if, one day, I’m not there for you? I’m worried that you won’t have the right mindset about this. I can’t fix your problems just by making you laugh.”

“Maybe not. But I’ve been thinking a lot over the last few weeks and especially today. I don’t want to learn how to cope with my old life. I want it to change. I dreamed for years about getting to where I am today, but I’ve lost myself in the spotlight. I miss writing songs, Sam. Did you know I only wrote four of the twelve on my last album?”

He shook his head and began sliding his callused hands up and down my sides. Chill bumps pebbled my skin in their wake.

“I swore I’d never be that artist. Writing music was always my passion, long before I ever even dreamed of taking to a stage myself. I started jotting down lyrics right after Lizzy died—I couldn’t even play guitar yet. Maybe that’s who I’m supposed to be, because I’m quickly realizing I might not be cracked up for the fast lane of fame.”

His hands stilled. “Are you saying you want to quit?”

“No! But maybe taking a step back for a little while isn’t a bad idea. I could write some music and remember why I wanted this life to begin with.”

He skeptically arched an eyebrow. “Levee, I think a break is a brilliant idea. But, if I’m being honest, I’m concerned that, if you don’t get some real help, you’ll find yourself spending even more time at hospitals, killing yourself in a different way.”

God, I loved the way he gave it to me straight. Which was exactly why I knew I could handle this transition with him at my side.

“I’ve always gone to the children’s hospitals, Sam. But it wasn’t until recently that it became some sort of addiction. I need someone who can help me keep that in perspective—to tell me when I start getting off-balance. I’m obsessive about stuff. It’s who I am, but I’m not irrational. Henry used to be my voice of reason, but he has his own life now, and it’s dragging us in different directions.”

Bending down, I kissed him. Then I kissed him again. Then I kissed him as if it were the very last time, and as far as I was concerned, it was. Because, on the flipside of that kiss, I wanted something brand new with Sam.

And I wanted to start it right.

“I fell in love with you when I was at rock bottom. But I’ll never be able to look back on those dark days with anything but a smile. I wanted to jump, Sam, but I never once expected the fall to go up.”

“Jesus, Levee.” He pulled me into a hug. He held me painfully tight and rained kisses over my neck and my shoulder. They weren’t sensual the way I knew Sam’s mouth was capable, but I felt every single one of them deep within my soul.

Gradually, his hands drifted to my breasts, but for the first time since we’d met, I was the one who wanted to talk.

“Wait. Listen.” I leaned away but circled my legs around his waist to keep us connected. “I love you.”

His entire face lit as his eyes smiled.

“And I need you to trust me here. I know you’re still worried about me, but I’m not going back to that place.”

His body tightened, and his eyes squinted suspiciously.

“I want to go home with you, Sam. I’ll see a therapist if that’s what it takes to make you feel comfortable, but I want to end every night with you. Your nightly phone calls and silly pictures have helped me more than any doctor ever could. Take me home and let me struggle with you.”

His head lolled back as he stared up at the ceiling. “That’s not fair. You can’t use my words against me.”

“I’m not using them against you.” I grabbed both sides of his face and tipped his lips to mine. “I repurposed them.” I winked.

He chuckled against my mouth. “Fine.”

I smiled huge. “Fine?”

He let out a resigned growl. “Come home with me, Levee.”

“Okay, okay. If you insist,” I teased.

“I officially insist.” He turned, tossing me off his lap and onto the bed.

His hard body followed, covering me completely. Holding his weight on his elbows at my sides, he lowered his mouth to mine in a hypnotizing kiss that sent heat pooling between my legs. I slid a hand down the back of his jeans and used his ass to grind against him.

“Fuck,” he hissed, his dick thickening between us. “I’m also going to insist you start birth control as soon as f*cking possible. I’m done with condoms.” He pushed off the bed and, in one fluid movement, popped the button on my jeans open and dragged them off. His pants quickly joined them on the floor.

Lying in front of Sam in nothing but my bra and panties was more exhilarating than any stage I’d ever stepped foot on. His eyes turned dark and warmth washed over me as they swept up my body.

“You’ve gained weight,” he said, removing my panties.

I wanted to be annoyed, but two of his fingers filled me, and just as quickly, his thumb found my clit. It had been too long without his touch, and my legs fell open, pleading for more.

“You’ll always be beautiful, Levee. But you were too thin before. This”—he guided a hand over my stomach then up to my breasts—“is perfection.”