The Designer(86)

‘Has he turned his back on you? Or have the communists strung him up?’

‘I ask myself the same question,’ Copper said, trying to sound light, though she felt far from it.

‘I am sorry,’ Suzy said. ‘I wish you the best of luck.’

She lifted her glass and Copper’s eye was caught by the smooth hollow of Suzy’s armpit. ‘You’ve shaved under your arms.’

‘They tell me the Americans insist on it.’ She lifted the hem of her chemise. ‘Here, too. Just in case anyone wants to look. Are you blushing, chérie?’ she asked, catching Copper’s expression.

‘You always take me by surprise.’

‘Do I? I am at ease with my body, you see. I like it. I’m not in the least ashamed of it.’ Her long fingers stayed between her thighs. ‘You’re afraid of this, I think. Yet you have one just the same. We could have pressed them together, kissed one another, given each other heaven. I was dripping for you. Only for you. But you ran like a rabbit. Why did you run?’

‘There was a gate that I couldn’t pass through. Don’t reproach me.’

‘You found me disgusting?’

‘No. Just the opposite. I had to run because I found you all too alluring.’

‘I suppose that is a compliment.’ Suzy emptied her glass and reached for the bottle again. ‘You know, I sang in the girls’ choir in the church at Saint-Malo,’ she said as she poured for them both. ‘Can you imagine that? A skinny gamine with pigtails and a flat chest?’

Copper smiled. ‘It’s hard to imagine.’

‘Well, that was me. Nobody noticed me, although I always thought I had a good voice. Then one day, the priest stopped the choir and asked, “Who is the boy who is singing with the girls?” They found it was me. La fille qui chante comme un gar?on. They all turned to stare at me. I was excited. Excited and ashamed at the same time. I felt my power from that moment. They called me la gar?onne, and so I became that creature. The mermaid, never quite one thing or the other. For ten years, there was Yvonne. Then others. Some men, some women. I have spent my life living out the fantasies and desires of others. But I regret none of it. It has been a good life, all in all. I only wanted to make others happy. You think I am as much a putain as Lili Marlène, I am sure?’

Copper watched Suzy’s face. Under the strength and the beauty, there was something cold, a pain that would never be confessed. ‘No, I don’t think that. You made me very happy.’

‘I could have made you much happier.’

‘I don’t think so. But I know I could have made you much happier. You’ve been so kind, so generous. I didn’t deserve any of it.’

‘Of course you deserved it.’ Suzy leaned over and kissed Copper on the lips.

Copper closed her eyes with sadness for this girl who sang like a boy, this woman who desired her like a man. She put her arms around Suzy’s strong neck and pulled her tight. ‘I’m sorry. Forgive me for hurting you.’

‘Can’t you love me, even now?’ Suzy demanded, her mouth pressed hotly against Copper’s throat.

‘I do love you,’ Copper whispered. She found she was crying. ‘I’m going to miss you so terribly, Suzy. I want to thank you – for everything you’ve done for me, everything you’ve given to me, the love you’ve shown me.’ She rose to leave. ‘I can never forget you.’



The sight of a horse-drawn carriage waiting outside 10 rue Royale was not altogether unusual, although now that petrol was more readily available in France, thanks to the United States Army, the horse-drawn hackney carriages were disappearing from the streets again. They had come out of retirement during the hard years of the Occupation, like the ghosts of a past glory. But now there were fewer to be seen every day, as they drifted back to whatever tumbledown stables they’d come from.

Thinking Dior might be in it, Copper went up to the fiacre and peered inside curiously. The door swung open. Seated on the red leather, holding the door open, was Henry. He was wearing a beard now.

For a moment, she felt that her heart had stopped, robbing her of breath. Then it started beating again, unsteadily. ‘That beard will have to go,’ she heard herself say.

‘I thought you could help me get rid of it.’

‘The sooner the better, I should say.’

‘Then get on board.’

She got in and climbed on to his lap like a child. ‘I thought you would never come back,’ she said in a choked voice.

‘At times, nor did I.’ He crushed her in his arms. ‘My secretary called me to say you were looking for me. I dared hope. Forgive me. I have had to be away from you and remain silent.’

They held each other tightly for a long while, rocking to and fro. At last, she drew back and took a shuddering breath. Her heart was still pounding so hard that she found it difficult to talk coherently. ‘You look like a stranger!’

He touched his bushy, dark beard. ‘I’ve had to become one of the proletariat to get into the right places. If they’d had any inkling of who I really was, I assure you I would now be more dead than alive.’

‘Henry!’

‘Dinner at the Ritz?’

‘I’m hardly dressed for the Ritz.’

‘You look magnificent, as always.’