The Deepest Blue(19)
She shook her head, unable to answer the question. Answering would make it real.
“If you choose to become a Silent One, you’ll live.” He cradled her cheek in his hand, and she tore her gaze away from the spirits to look into his eyes. He had endless eyes, the kind that swirled with color. She loved his eyes.
“But we won’t see each other again. It will be as if I’m dead.”
He shook his head. “But I’ll know that somewhere on the islands, you still exist. Mayara . . . I need you to exist. If you go to the Island of Testing and you die . . . it would break me.”
But what about me? Life as a Silent One was no kind of life. He wanted her to live a kind of living death so he wouldn’t have to mourn her? At least with the island there was a chance she’d survive, wasn’t there?
Maybe not.
Her sister had chosen the island. And died. Most of the girls and women sent to Akena Island died. It was supposed to winnow out the weak and unsuitable—every heir had to be ready and able to assume the crown.
If Elorna couldn’t do it, how can I think I’d stand a chance?
“Mayara, promise me you’ll choose to live!”
Looking into his eyes, she couldn’t deny him. If I’m doomed anyway, why not pick the fate that gives Kelo the most peace? “I’ll choose to be a Silent One.” Kneeling, she faced him and kissed him. She was crying, but she didn’t care. This was their last kiss. Whether she lost herself and became a Silent One or lost her life on Akena Island . . . this was the end.
“We’ll find a way to communicate,” Kelo promised, when they broke apart. “I’ll leave messages for you in my charms, and I’ll find a way to get them to you. It may take time, and for that, I need you to not die.”
“Kelo . . . it’s over—us, our future,” Mayara said. “You need to go on with your life.” That hurt to say too. She tried to mean it—she didn’t want him to be unhappy, and if that meant he had to forget about her and build a new life with someone else . . . then she wanted to give him permission to do so, even if she hated the idea of it.
“My life is you.”
Right answer, she thought. She smiled through her tears. Kelo always seemed to be able to say exactly the right thing, whereas Mayara felt she still had a million more things she wanted to say and would most likely mangle them if she tried.
“Mayara . . .”
“I’ll try not to die,” she promised. It was the best she could do. She’d make the sensible choice: become a Silent One. It was the only choice that assured her survival.
And she’d have to make that choice soon. She sensed a shift in the spirits—a readiness. The wait was over.
“Stay here and stay hidden,” Mayara told him. “I need you to not die too.”
She kissed him one more time, as sweetly as the sunrise kissed the morning sky, and then before he could stop her, she climbed up the rocks onto the overhang. The bird spirits screamed louder when they saw her. She stood straight and tall and very, very visible on top of the rocks. And then she turned and ran.
She didn’t think she could escape. For one, the overhang stretched only a few yards before it ended in a cliff that towered above her. For another, the spirits had already spotted her. It was only a matter of time before the Silent Ones caught her. But if I can lead them away from Kelo, it will be worth it. . . .
She felt the spirits chasing her.
Feeling for handholds in the cliff wall, she climbed fast. Fear fueled her. Fear for Kelo, not for herself. He couldn’t defend himself against another attack. And if he survived the spirits, he was still alone and defenseless in a cove. How would he hunt? How would he get back home?
But she couldn’t think about that. All she could do was try to ensure he survived today. Tomorrow was beyond her imagination.
She reached the top of the cliff.
The Silent Ones were waiting for her.
Three women in pale-gray robes, their faces covered in white featureless masks with holes for eyes and slits for mouths. Their hair was tied back beneath gray scarves, rendering them featureless. None of them spoke, of course. They stood calmly side by side, with three air spirits circling over their heads.
Mayara ran past them and dived off the cliff on the opposite side.
She knew the shape of the shore, and while she was not certain of the water depth this time of day, she knew how far out to leap to be beyond the rocks. Stretching her arms out by her ears, she tried to think of nothing but the howl of the wind as she sliced through the air and then the shuddering cold of the sea as she plunged in between the waves.
She curved upward as quickly as she could, and she swam. The sea spirits were after her in an instant. Stretching her mind out like fingers, she counted them: the turtlelike spirit, the crablike spirit, the human-shaped ones, the tiny seafoam spirits—all of them followed her away from the cove where Kelo lay injured.
She made it farther than she expected before the orca rose beneath her, lifting her out of the water, where the air spirits seized her shoulders and carried her back to the Silent Ones on the cliff above the cove.
The three women stood side by side, exactly as she’d left them. They faced her with their unreadable masks, their arms motionless by their sides, their robes hiding their bodies.
Lowering her head, Mayara said, “I will come and make the choice.” The words tasted bitter in her mouth.