The Deepest Blue(106)

But she’d always pop up, laughing at Mayara for her fear.

Until the day they took her, when all the running and laughing wasn’t enough.

Mayara relived that day, seeing her mother collapse on the ground, seeing her father take his ax and hack the hull of his boat—the boat that Elorna had taken out when she had drawn the spirits. She’d been seen in the harbor with them, calling them to her.

Elorna had made her promise not to use her power. Not to let anyone see. To do everything that she hadn’t done and everything she couldn’t do. To run on the cliffs. To dive off the rocks. To swim in the sea. But never to make her mistakes. To do it all alone.

I didn’t want to be alone.

She saw Elorna taken away by the Silent Ones.

And I wasn’t.

She showed them Kelo. He was by her side every day. Whenever Elorna ran off, he was there. He’d been her companion ever since she was a child. And after Elorna was gone, he filled that void.

Except not fully.

There was always an Elorna-shaped hole inside her.

And there always will be. But I can still feel happiness and love.

That had been her mother’s mistake. She had let the hole consume her and didn’t allow herself to feel happiness or love. Instead she cut herself off and never stopped feeling alone.

The leviathans didn’t need to make that mistake. You can feel that again too. Even if you never lose the pain of loss. You can find joy. Like I did.

The dragon clawed through her memories and found the one of Elorna taking off her Silent One mask. He held it as if it were a pearl, displaying it for her to see. But she lives! The Great Mother died. She can’t return. We are alone forever.

Elorna has changed, Mayara thought. And maybe she wasn’t ever what I thought she was. Maybe she was scared too. Maybe that’s why she ran so fast and dived so deep, because she was trying not to be. The Elorna from my childhood, the one I idolized, is gone. I have a new sister now, one that I barely know.

She didn’t add how badly she wanted to know her.

I do not understand, the kraken said. Your little lives have nothing to do with us.

It has everything to do with you! Mayara said. Don’t you see? You’re me! Running along the cliff. Diving into the sea. Trying to flee what you’re afraid of. Trying to fill the hole inside of you!

We do not fear, the kraken said. We are fear. We are Death.

Mayara thought of the woman in ruffles, Lady Garnah, who had murdered Lanei without hesitation or remorse. And she thought of how she’d let her. She’d stopped Roe from pleading for an antidote and had stopped Garnah from reversing what she’d done. You’re not. You’re just like me.

The ancient horrors hesitated.

You need me, she told them. You are in pain. Like I was when I lost Elorna. You are alone. Like I am when I’m not with Kelo. Join with me, and I’ll soothe your pain. Join with me, and you won’t be alone anymore.

She felt them—they were listening.

“Roe, pull your spirits back,” Mayara said.

“But they’re winning!”

“Do you trust me?” Mayara asked.

“Of course,” Roe said. Holding out her hand, she squeezed Mayara’s. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes.

Mayara felt the spirits withdraw, pulling back from their attack. The three leviathans breathed, thinking, feeling, hating—but not attacking.

You don’t want to be here, do you? Mayara whispered to the leviathans. You were happy in the Deepest Blue, asleep with your dreams.

We know they’re dreams now, the snake said.

So? You’ve fought, and you’ve destroyed. Are you happy now?

We are not, the dragon said.

Then dream again. But dream with me. So when you wake, whenever you want to wake, you won’t be alone. You’ll still have the hole and the pain from what you’ve lost and what has changed. But you’ll have new joy too.

She fed them other memories: playing on the sands with Kelo, dancing with the villagers on the cliff, diving into the sea. Little moments. Little joys. She gave them images of the children of her village playing with one another and of the grandmothers clamming on the beach. She gave them singing and dancing and drumming. She gave them listening to stories.

It’s not the same, I know, Mayara said. But maybe it can get better.

Choose better.

She felt them, thinking, feeling.

And hoping.

Yes, the dragon said.

Yes. The kraken.

Yes. The snake.

And she felt their power rush into her, with their thoughts and memories, fears and pains, hopes and dreams. Without her issuing any command, the three leviathans withdrew from the city and swam deep out to sea.





Chapter Twenty-Eight

Kelo stepped out of his studio into the sunlight. He blocked the glare with one hand and squinted out at the sea. Silhouetted against the bluer-than-blue sky, he saw impossible myths: a dragon with wings that looked like a slice of night across the daytime blue, a kraken whose tentacles writhed against the horizon, and a many-headed snake. Torn between wonder and fear, he watched them shrink as they swam away from Belene and then vanish, leaving behind only the turquoise blue of the sea.

“It’s over,” he said.

He didn’t know how he felt saying those words. Over? What did that mean? He didn’t know what had happened in the capital, who was queen, if Mayara was still alive. . . . He knew “over” didn’t address all the rebuilding still to come, the loss of boats and nets and homes and lives, or the mourning that had just begun.