The Dark Calling (The Arcana Chronicles #5)(95)

“At the time, I did. I know you won’t believe this, but Jack and I never got together before two nights ago.”

“I do believe you. Why wouldn’t I?”

“Because you’ve considered me a lying ‘harlot’ for longer than you haven’t.”

He flinched. “What made you decide to . . . take that step with Deveaux after waiting so long?”

“It doesn’t matter why.”

“Do you intend to be with him? I know you two had planned a future before Richter’s massacre.”

I gazed at the fire, couldn’t even think about that now. “I don’t know what will happen.” What had Aric said? The future is fluid.

He sat beside me. “Talk to me, please.”

Really? Be careful what you wish for. “I hope I didn’t overstep when I promised Joules that you would help him and Gabe once we took back the castle—your home. If not for the Tower, I would have been eaten alive by wolves before Kentarch ever had a chance to rescue us. You remember that, don’t you? When you stood on that rise, ready to watch your pregnant wife be slaughtered.”

His eyes were stark.

“But then, you didn’t believe I was knocked up. You believed it was just more of my Empress conniving.”

“When I left the sphere and my thoughts became my own again, I realized that you were out here, starving, and with child . . . our child . . . .” His voice grew ragged. “I relived all I did to you. Sievā, there are no words.”

Why was I unleashing so much anger on him? Because I’d been hurt? So had he been. Because I didn’t want to be in a position of choice again? If I never forgave Aric for what had happened to me over the hellish last two months, then my life would be easier. My heartache would be lessened. “I owe my life to Patrick Joules. Tell me, do you still regret that I spared him back in Requiem, Tennessee? You made me feel foolish, telling me, ‘Have you lost your wits, creature?’ Paul wasn’t controlling you back then.”

“You are teaching me, sievā. I understand now that players can change. We’re not bound by the past. Joules and Gabriel are both welcome within the castle. I owe them both debts that I can never repay.”

“More mouths to feed? You were already rationing.”

“We still have fifty years. I was greedy for a decade or two more, so our child could live a full life.”

“How’s Paul going to manage the resources while you’re away?”

Aric’s expression told me he had concerns.

“That good, huh? I know you and Jack think you’re going to talk me out of challenging him, but you won’t. We don’t have a choice. You feel how cold it is tonight. I don’t plan on giving birth in this cave.”

“Instead you plan on risking our son in an Arcana battle.”

“Those who threaten my kid don’t live long.” I kept saying my kid. It didn’t feel right to include Aric by saying our. And didn’t Jack have as much claim? Without him, there’d be no kid. “If I’m in enough jeopardy”—and enraged enough—“the red witch should rise.” The trick was sticking to the shallow end.

“Should? Should?” Aric stood, beginning to pace.

“She took me over completely in the battle with the Cups. It was like an out-of-body experience.”

He slowed. “Ah, that is what the mortal hesitated to tell me.”

“In fact, I don’t recommend lowering your guard around me. When I knocked you out last time, the witch wanted to kill you. What if I lost control again? I could poison you in your sleep.”

“You’ve unleashed her before and returned to normal.”

“The return gets dicier each time.” Rage was a type of madness, and I had enough on tap to lose my mind a thousand times over. “I’m coming to believe I’ll eventually turn into her for good, just as I always have before. Only a matter of time. I’m her, and she’s me.”

“I don’t believe that. You’ve come so far. And you won’t harm me. Even in self-defense, you hesitated to strike against me.”

My gaze lit on those cursed cat-food cans. The sight ratcheted up my fury even more. “I didn’t have this much rage in me before. Facing off against you made me understand it better than I ever have. When you attacked, your eyes were filled with it.”

“I had no control of myself!”

“What about when you first abducted me away from Jack all those months ago? Or when you stabbed my picture? You hated me back then, and it had nothing to do with Paul!”

“Sievā, I am so—”

“Evie!” I shot to my feet. “My name is Evie. But you don’t call me that, because I’m interchangeable with the other Empresses, right? The names change, but the evil bitch remains the same? Then watch this evil bitch go take care of business.”

“I call you wife. I am proud and humbled to do so.”

“And I liked that, but can’t I be more than either a wife or an enemy? Because right now I’m not fitting into either box you want to stuff me into!”

“I do not wish to do that.” In a voice laden with regret, he said, “I only wish to make amends, to make things right between us once more.”

His patience just stoked my fury. My God, pregnancy emotions were crazy. I couldn’t catch my breath, felt like I was spinning around on Tess’s carousel. Faster. Faster. Until I’d be flung out into nothing. “Amends? What if you can’t make up for what’s happened? What if we’ve lost too much?” Why hadn’t Tee moved again? I clutched my stomach. Damn it, kid, do something. “I can’t handle this! I just can’t—”