The Dark Calling (The Arcana Chronicles #5)(45)

“I don’t. Odds are against it. He can only sense through a limited number of them at a time, and only when he’s awake.”

“Like Lark with her animal sentries.”

“Exactly,” I said, even as I wished Jack didn’t have to be versed in this deadly world I’d dragged him into. Arcana insanity.

Joules nodded at the cooking meat. “Looks ready. Let’s see if the Empress can keep this down—”

“Because it’s really exotic food,” I quickly added.

Kentarch cocked his head at me, probably wondering why I hadn’t confessed about the baby.

Jack took my skewer from me to blow on it before handing it back. “This’ll be good. Good for you too.”

I took my first exploratory bite. Lion meat tasted like a cross between pork and beef. “Not bad.” Even as Joules and Kentarch chowed down, they kept their eyes on me, as if expecting me to hurl.

But my stomach welcomed this meal like a long-lost love. I dug in, ravenous.

We all did. Jack rolled his eyes with pleasure. Joules had grease smeared over his cheek.

Regeneration fired throughout my body. Aches and pains dwindled as I healed. Energy filled me. Lion meat; who knew?

“Another round of skewers?” Joules asked.

“Absolutely,” Kentarch said. “We’ll save the rest. If we ration it, we’ll have meat for a few days.”

After our third helping, I grew sated and warm for the first time in weeks. Jack was here with me, and the future wasn’t nearly so bleak.

“Your color’s returning, peek?n. Amazing what one meal can do. How’re your powers? Come on, flex for me.”

Joules laughed. “Yeah, Empress, show us some vines.” Asshole. “Maybe some after-dinner strawberries?”

“My powers have been a little wonky lately.” Changing the subject, I said, “Did Matthew tell you where to find me?”

“Non. I knew you were at Domīnija’s castle, but he refused to come off the location before he ditched. He did leave me a message though, wrote it in soot. I figured if he took the trouble to write it, I should memorize it.” Clearing his throat, Jack said, “The Flash taught them that all dreams are nightmares. They became bad dreamers. All hail the bad dreamers as good.”

“What does that mean? Who’s he talking about?”

“You’re asking me?” Jack sipped his flask.

“So where had you been heading?”

“Up to Azey North.”

“To lead them?” That would make sense. As their general once more, he would’ve been able to recruit scouts to help search for me.

Yet he shook his head. “I just wanted to show my face, me. Not slink away like some coward.”

“Wait a minute. You weren’t trying to find me?”

Jack scrubbed a palm over his nape. “Matthew told me you were safe with Domīnija and your grand-mère. I wanted you to move on with your life.”

I couldn’t get enough air. “You were going to let me believe that . . . that you were dead?”

Kentarch stood. “We will allow you two to speak in private.”

“Feck that!” Joules said. “We’re just getting to the popcorn moment.”

Kentarch collared him and escorted him out.

Once we were alone again, Jack said, “I was goan to let you live in peace in that stronghold, the one Domīnija made sure to describe to me, the one with all the comforts I could never give you.”

“Remember how you and I talked about being a team? I asked you not to make decisions all on your own for both of us. But that’s what you did!”

“Matthew showed me visions of you in the aftermath of the massacre. I saw—no, I experienced—what you went through to bring me back. I felt you breaking for me, and I couldn’t let that happen again.”

Had he seen me rocking Tess’s skeletal corpse? “It wasn’t your decision to make.”

“I wanted food and warmth and safety for you. I could only give you more Ash. Hell, I figured I’d be dead soon anyway, so why upset you more? Evie, you looked like you were dancing on a razor’s edge.”

I had been.

“Coo-y?n took me to the graves you made for me and pauvre défunte Selena.” Dearly departed. “He told me you were goan to make your way with Domīnija. I wanted that for you, no matter how much the idea twisted me up inside me.”

Jack loved me more than he loved his own life. I’d known that, but it’d never been so apparent as now.

“I told Matthew to keep my survival secret and let me stay buried.”

“Well, he didn’t. More than a month ago, he sent me a message of your voice. I thought you might . . . I prayed you’d survived.”

“What the hell’s he playing at?” Then, seeming to steel himself, he said, “Knowing what I did then, I’d still make the same choice.”

My lips parted. “How can you say that?”

“Before the Hanged Man, you had to have been happy with the Reaper. You wear his ring.”

“I walled off part of my heart.” I’d loved Aric, but it must’ve been muted by my pain, by the tourniquet I’d used to keep from bleeding out. Twist, tighten, constrict. “I could never give him all of my heart—and he knew that. He thought my powers were suffering because I never fully grieved you.” Holding Jack’s gaze, I said, “I chose you.”