The Complication (The Program #6)(3)

He fell apart, and the only cure was to erase him completely and start over. I’d say I’ve lost him twice, but it’s hard to know what’s true anymore. All I do know is that Weston Ambrose and I weren’t everything to each other like I’d thought. We were just a couple, and he fell out of love with me. We continued in an unhealthy way while he began dating someone else. Of course, none of us were right at the time. The threat of The Program had us all terrified and irrational.

But when Wes broke down after the Adjustment, I blamed myself. I had somehow blocked out the end of our relationship and, as a result, gave him false memories during his procedure. His mind rejected them, even though he refused to reject me. He loved me. Again.

And that’s the most tragic part of all.

Now that Nathan told me I’d been in The Program, that scenario has changed. It means I was erased too. So how—why—do I seem to remember Wes, even if those memories are slightly off? None of it makes any sense.

My teacher closes the classroom door, her cheeks flush, her heart probably racing. “Well,” she says. “That was . . . How about we hand in our assessments now?”

I turn and grab Nathan’s paper off his desk, and he scrunches his nose. “You’re not going to say anything?” he asks.

“What do you mean?”

“Uh . . . Wes just got himself thrown out of class. You don’t think that’s peculiar?”

“No,” I lie. “It wouldn’t be the first time.”

Nathan narrows his eyes and sits forward in his chair. “That’s the thing, Tatum—it would be the first time. Dr. McKee said he wouldn’t remember anything. Hell, he didn’t even know his parents. Would he really—”

“Sure,” I interrupt. “But Wes wouldn’t remember to be scared, either.”

Nathan purses his lips, thinking over my answer. He rests back and folds his hands on his desk. “This should be interesting, then,” he murmurs.

I turn around and pass my and Nathan’s papers forward. My fingers tremble, dried blood around my knuckle. I’m suddenly riotous, ready to burst. I want to run out of here and find Wes, but I’ll have to wait.

It’s nearly forty minutes later when the bell mercifully rings. Wes never came back to the room. My headache has faded completely; I’m almost clearheaded again. The crashback forced me into a memory, and maybe that helped my brain to function properly. Or maybe part of me always knew about my time in The Program, and I just needed the confirmation. Regardless of the reason, this is the clearest I’ve felt in a long time.

I’m the first person out of my seat, and I quickly loop my backpack strap over my shoulder and grab my books. I have to find Wes. He may not remember me, but whoever he is now—at least he didn’t betray me.

“You good?” Nathan asks. “You’ve been weird ever since . . .” He stumbles over the words and shakes his head as he collects his things from the top of his desk. “Since I mentioned The Program,” he finishes in a hushed voice.

“Shh . . . ,” I say purposely to make him feel uncomfortable. I want him to stop talking. I need time to think—without him. This is such a stark contrast in our relationship, but it will make processing this easier. I need to think without his influence.

“I’ll see you later,” I tell him, rushing ahead. “I have to go to the bathroom.”

“Thanks for oversharing.”

I wave a quick good-bye and hurry out, intent on finding Wes. I try not to focus on the fact that I’m a stranger to him. And it’s now that I realize I’m a stranger to myself, too.





CHAPTER TWO


I FEED INTO THE CURRENT of students filing out of their classes and smile when people say hi to me. I keep my eyes downcast, but I can’t help wondering who else knows. Do any of these people know I was in The Program? Are they keeping it from me too?

I wrap my arms around myself, feeling exposed. Vulnerable. I want to go home and confront my grandparents—they betrayed me by keeping this secret. But first, I need to make sure Wes is okay.

It’s not lost on me that going to find him, seeking him out, is exactly the sort of behavior Dr. McKee warned me about. He told me to stay away from Wes to prevent another breakdown. My and Wes’s shared past is a mixture of love, betrayal, and heartache. And the sick part is . . . I want to do it all again, over and over. Even if it hurts him. Even if it hurts me.

But I can’t go back to the past. I’m not the same person anymore. So, once I figure out what Wes remembers—if he remembers—I’ll let him live his life: one where we’re not together. Because that’s love—not hurting each other. For once we can all finally decide to be better people.

I take a deep breath, telling myself that it’s not safe to think right now. One moment of letting my guard down could result in a flood of emotions, and I can’t let that happen. Not here.

The bell rings, but I don’t rush toward the office. As I pass the science hallway, I glance over absently, surprised to find a dark-haired guy watching me from where he’s leaning against his locker. It’s Derek, another returner. A few months ago, I noticed him staring at me while I was talking with Jana Simms, Nathan’s girlfriend. He made me uncomfortable then, and nothing about the look he gives me now does anything to make me rethink my original assessment. He’s creepy.