The Boy and His Ribbon (The Ribbon Duet, #1)(70)

Funny how I’m older now but whenever I think about Cherry River, I still have both love and hate inside me. I think, if I had to relive that time, I would be just as jealous as I’d been as a seven-year-old, only this time, I’d probably be arrested for murder.

Instead of just hero worship and parental adoration, I now have forbidden cravings and achings and all the things I know I shouldn’t feel.

I know you’re probably thinking…eww, how could you fall in love with your brother who is technically your father and definitely your uncle or some other untouchable life figure?

In my defence, I’ll ask you a similar question.

How could you not fall in love with a boy like Ren Wild?

How could you not fall in love with a boy who puts you first in everything, protects you at all costs, worships the ground you walk on, gives you things you didn’t know you wanted, who can hear your thoughts and see your fears? A boy who sacrificed so much without even telling you, leaving you heartbroken when you’re old enough to figure it out for yourself?

If you’d been taken and raised and cherished by a boy who was closer to your age; therefore, he understood your childish tantrums better, could get in touch with his imagination easier, and have a better ability at discipline because he wasn’t afraid to growl if you got out of line with no grudges or pause between instruction and praise, I think you’d fall in love, too.

Ren was simple.

Ren spoiled me.

Ren kept me in line.

No one else came close.

But it wasn’t his skills at raising me that made me fall in love with him.

Oh, no…

It was everything else that happened as I grew older, and he grew into a man.

I suppose you’re wondering if I’m ever going to enlighten you on our third and fourth separation.

I haven’t forgotten.

I’m just getting up the guts to tell you, because...the more you learn about me from here on out, the more you’ll probably end up rolling your eyes, and thinking I didn’t deserve all the sacrifices Ren made for me.

I had been his Ribbon—special, brave, and smart.

But then, through my own actions, I became argumentative, opinionated, and stupid.

I wish I could say I’d do things differently, but I honestly don’t know if I would.

Crazy, right?

Crazy looking back at the heartache I caused both of us and still selfish enough not to change.

I was the reason we separated that third time.

I was the one who ruined everything.

For so long, I blamed Cassie.

I pinned all the guilt and regret onto her.

But it wasn’t her fault.

As much as I wished I could type a lie and make you hate her just like I did.

I can’t.

The fault was mine.

And I guess, eventually, I’m going to have to tell you.

But not right now.

Right now, I want you to continue liking me…for just a little longer.





CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE





DELLA



Present Day





ME AGAIN.

Strange, huh?

I closed my laptop a few hours ago, intending to put aside my past and the emotions that are tearing me up inside, but I can’t sleep.

I can’t stop thinking about Ren.

Always Ren.

I want to cry to relieve the aching pressure in my chest every time I think about him, but all I can do is laugh in the darkness and try to expand my ribs to contain the ever ballooning need that will never earn what it wants.

Melodramatic enough for you?

Too much for me, and I’m the one living this soap opera.

You know, until that last chapter, I’ve never actually said those words out loud…

Those terrible words that tear away the curtain and light up the truth in blinding stage lights with orchestras playing sad strings and empty amphitheatres pitying the poor wretched soul admitting such a tragedy.

Never really allowed myself to admit what I’ve known for so long.

I’m in love with Ren Wild.

It looks even worse in bold, doesn’t it?

It looks like a life sentence that I can never be free of…which in a way, is exactly what it is.

I can’t pinpoint the exact moment my childish affection turned to teenage crush turned to forever kind of addiction.

But what I do know is I will always love Ren.

I will always be in love with Ren.

And I also know I will never have him, and I’ll end up marrying some other man who doesn’t reach into my heart or has power over my every living breath like he does.

Anyway, enough of my present-day dramas.

You’re not here to hear about that…not yet, anyway. There’s still a fair piece of the story to go before I can share what I did yesterday or today or what I have planned for tomorrow.

Spoiler alert: I have no plans for tomorrow apart from ensuring my lies are hidden and my smiles are innocent, and my deep, dark desires are tucked far away.

Same as every day…nothing new, so I might as well give you something interesting.

Let’s return to Cherry River.

I ended the previous chapter talking about Ren being ill with chicken pox and kind of went on another tangent about Cassie (grr) and my idiotic behaviour (ugh).

Cassie…