The Boy and His Ribbon (The Ribbon Duet, #1)(133)

“You. You make me happy.”

“Ha! Yet you’ve never tried to sleep with me.”

“What?! No, of course not. You’re Della! You’re—you’re—”

“I’m what? Too innocent for you, Ren? Too young? Do you look at me and still see a child because you better open your damn eyes. I haven’t been one in a long time.” She smiled thinly. “And now I’ve joined the ranks of adulthood. I’m not a virgin—”

“I don’t want to hear it.” I held up my hand. “Stop.”

“Oh, you don’t want to listen? You don’t want to know how he took me or what it felt like? Then again, I’m sure you don’t need to know. I almost forgot. You have enough experience of your own to fill in the blanks.”

“Della, just stop.”

“No, how about you stop, Ren. You know what I realised tonight?” Her cheeks flamed red as her eyes welled with furious tears. “I realised I hate myself. I hate what I’ve become. I hate everything I stand for, and I’m done. You hear me? I’m done. School is almost finished and instead of moping about wishing for things I can’t have, I’m focusing on my future. Did you know David goes to the college who hosted the party tonight? I told him I’m interested in creative writing…that I might want to be a storyteller like you used to be or maybe a journalist or writer or I dunno…. All I know is, I’m moving on. No more thoughts of running back to the forest with you. No more make believe. This is real life, and I’m letting it pass me by. I’m going to enrol next week, so I know where I belong.”

Her shoulders slouched with weariness I hadn’t seen until now. “I’m weak for giving up, but I tried. I really did.”

I stepped toward her, hesitant, wary. “Tried what? What aren’t you telling me?”

Her fatigue faded with yet more crackling rage. “Are you really that blind? Do you honestly not know? Or maybe it’s because of me. Maybe because you raised me, you can’t see past the mess of being sole guardian to an entirely reliant child. And maybe that’s my fault for not realising that sooner; for believing that the love we share wasn’t just one-dimensional but could grow into something different.”

She glowered at the ceiling, tears trailing paths down her cheeks. “God, I’ve been so stupid.”

Every inch of me begged to go to her, to hug her close and do my best to shield her from her unhappiness, but I couldn’t move. I daren’t do anything because right here, right now, the end gaped wide between us, and I didn’t want to fall into the abyss.

I didn’t want to be faced with the reality that had been slowly gathering ever since Cherry River.

“Della…don’t,” I begged. “Don’t do this.”

I didn’t understand what I pleaded for, only that I wasn’t ready. I’d never be ready.

She cocked her chin, shaking with blonde hair wild and a red mark I’d graced her with on her temple. Her ribbon tattoo flashed on her naked foot, snaking up her ankle.

She was gorgeous, and she was wrong that I’d been blind.

I’d seen her changing. I’d watched her transform from sweet girl to stunning woman, but I was responsible for her well-being. I was the one who had all the power whether she acknowledged it or not. And having that sort of power was a terrible burden to bear.

I would always be hers, but I couldn’t be what she was looking for. I couldn’t block her from growing into who she needed to become. I couldn’t put my own hopes and dreams onto her and read between lines that weren’t really there, hoping that there might be some way, some chance, that our friendship could be something more.

Something that wasn’t sick and twisted.

Something that wasn’t morally wrong.

“Let’s go to bed. It’s been a long night. We can finish this in the morning.” I wanted a truce, a peace treaty until daylight chased away this corruption.

But Della pinned me to the floor with an angry sniff and a flash in her blue eyes. “No. I’m done waiting.” Grabbing the hem of her dress, she yanked it over her head.

I stumbled back as she tossed the scrap of material to the floor and stood naked before me.

My heart hissed with possession. My body hardened with need. And my eyes feasted on curves and shadows of the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen.

I was utterly spellbound and trapped. If she moved toward me, I wouldn’t have been able to run. If she kissed me, I would’ve have been able to stop what I desperately wanted to do.

The end would’ve come in a totally different form.

And who knows where that path would’ve led us.

But she didn’t chase.

She didn’t try.

Instead, she held her head high as if proving to herself that standing naked before me wasn’t as poignant as she’d believed. That it wasn’t anything special when it was the most special thing in the world.

My heart cramped with so many things as she planted her hands on her hips, pinned me to the floor with a merciless glare, and said coldly, “Take a good look, Ren Wild. See for yourself what you’ve been trying to deny. I’m not a girl anymore. I haven’t been for a long time, and now…it’s too late.”

I couldn’t breathe as she added, “You know…for so long I was terrified that I’d strip in front of you and you’d scold me like a little girl. That I’d bare everything I’ve become and you wouldn’t see. But the way you’re looking at me…you do see. You see but it’s not enough. It will never be enough.”