The Bourbon Thief(37)
“Not safe to ride in the rain. A good husband wouldn’t let you.”
“Then you can vow to keep me from getting myself killed.”
“What about this baby of ours we’re supposed to be having?” he asked. “Isn’t it going to be a problem when you say you’re pregnant to get us married and no baby ever shows up?”
“I’ll say I lost it a couple months after we’re married. People lose babies. They lose them all the time.”
“Oh, yeah, of course. I lost two babies last week. Hole in my jeans pocket. The babies fell right out somewhere on the trail. I gotta get that hole sewn up.”
“You make everything a joke.”
“Only if it’s funny.”
“I don’t know why you’re making this so hard. It’s nothing but a wedding ceremony, and then we can go our separate ways if you want. Nobody’ll need to know we don’t live together.”
“You really think if we get married, I’m going to be content to not fuck you? If I marry you, I fully intend to fuck you.”
“Do it, then.”
“You really mean it, don’t you?” Levi said. “You really want us to get married.”
“I do.”
“That’s cute.”
Tamara laughed. “I didn’t mean... Yes, I do. I do want us to get married. I do want to say ‘I do.’”
“And all because you are so noble and pure and honorable that you think poor little bastard me deserves to inherit even if it means you losing half of what you’d inherit someday.”
“Right.” Tamara grinned. “Also, me getting married means Momma loses control of the money and the company.”
“Nice fringe benefit,” Levi said.
“You know you hate her.”
“I do, I do. But I do not hate myself, Miss Rotten. Not even a little bit, although if I married you, I probably would.”
“Why? Because I’m white?”
“Ring-a-ding-ding,” Levi said.
“I’m right?”
“Right and white. She gets it in one.”
“I hate to tell you this, but you look as white as I do, Blue Eyes.”
“Yeah, and I have blue eyes because one of your blue-eyed forefathers raped one of my brown-eyed foremothers. My mother was black. All the family I have left is black. I’m not about to leave them for you.”
“You wouldn’t have to leave them.”
“You think my family could come to your family parties? You think my family could be invited to our wedding? Where we getting married? The country club? The governor’s mansion? Do my aunt and uncle get to come to our big white wedding?”
“No,” she said. “But neither do mine.”
Levi started toward the door, but Tamara stopped him with one sentence. She hadn’t wanted to play her trump card, but if he left her no choice...
“I’ll marry someone else, then.”
Levi turned on his heel.
“You’ll what?”
She shrugged. “I’ll marry someone else, then. If you’re too stupid to see what a good idea this is, that’s your loss. I’m still getting married.”
“To whom, might I ask? I’ll send a card.”
“Doesn’t matter. I’ll find somebody. Momma’s spending my money like it’s going out of style, anyway. If you don’t want to marry me, I’ll find someone who will so I can get my inheritance before it’s all gone. I wanted to cut you in because Granddaddy cut you out. But if you don’t want to marry me, that’s fine. But don’t think you’re my only option.”
“You stupid crazy girl. Do you even know any man other than me?”
“Not many. Granddaddy has some friends who are divorced or widowed.”
“You can’t marry a man old enough to be your grandfather.”
“I can marry anybody I want to.”
“You can run through the forest with antlers on your head during deer season, too, if you want. Your funeral.”
“If he’s old enough, it’ll be his funeral. Then I’ll be free. Free and rich. And you’ll still be living in a stable loft, giving riding lessons for five bucks an hour.”
“Goddammit, you’re too smart for this, Tamara.”
“You said I was dumb.”
“You’re playing dumb. You’re acting dumb. Marrying some stranger to fuck with your mother, that is dumb.”
“I have reasons for doing what I’m doing that have nothing to do with my mother. And I’m going to do it with or without you. I’m going to have a good time spending your money on myself.”
“You’re going to have a better time lying underneath your fat sweaty sixty-year-old husband while he fucks you raw every night. If he can still get it up, that is.”
“If that’s the price I have to pay, I’ll pay it.”
“You must still be a virgin, then, if you believe it.”
“I am a virgin.”
“You sound proud of that. Most girls wouldn’t be.”
“You would be if you were me.”
“Glad I’m not you. Then I’d have just asked someone to marry me and gotten turned down.”