The Birthday List(81)

“My word?” My mouth fell open. “You think I’m a cheater?”

“What? No—”

“So all this time—all this time you’ve been telling me to go for it with Cole, but deep down you really think I’m cheating on Jamie. Nice.”

She’d pretended to be so supportive, but now I knew how she really felt.

I pushed away from the table, tears flooding my eyes, but before I could run for the office, Molly shot her hand across the table. “Poppy, wait! That’s not what I meant.”

My feet stopped as I met her gaze.

“You don’t remember, do you?” she whispered.

What was she talking about? “Remember what?”

“The day I told you that I’d had a one-night stand, you called me a cheater. You said, ‘How could you? I never thought my best friend would be a cheater.’ ”

I gasped and slapped my free hand over my mouth. I’d been so upset, so angry at Finn and Molly both, that I’d said a lot that day I hadn’t meant. And Molly had been holding on to that awful word all this time.

“Oh, Molly. Oh my god. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean it like that. You’re not a cheater.”

She shrugged. “Sure I am.”

“No, you’re not. Not even close. You and Finn were all but divorced at that point. And you were so hurt. It was a mistake, not cheating.”

Molly studied my face, taken back by my declaration.

Had she spent all these months wrapping herself in my haphazard label, convincing herself she was a cheater? Had she been thinking less of herself all this time?

I wanted to go back in time and slap myself for being so careless with my words. For so deeply hurting my best friend and sister. But since that wasn’t possible, I wasn’t letting her leave this kitchen until she realized the truth.

Moving to her side, I lifted her hand off the table and pressed it between mine. “You are not a cheater.”

“I am.” Her chin started to quiver as she picked at a spot on the table with her free hand. “You said so yourself. Finn thinks it, even if he’s never said it. I am a cheater. That’s who I’ve become.”

“Molly, please look at me.”

Her eyes, swimming in tears, tipped up.

“You’re not a cheater. I don’t think that. No one does. Not even Finn.”

“He does.”

I shook my head. “He doesn’t. Never, not once, has he used that word around me. Has he ever said it to you?”

“No,” she whispered.

“Because you’re not. He might be hurt and still trying to figure things out, but Finn would never accuse you of cheating. He knows that you both made your mistakes. And I was wrong to call you a cheater. So, so wrong. And I’m so, so sorry.”

Her focus turned back to the table as she considered my apology. “Maybe you’re right. Maybe I just latched on to that word as a way to keep punishing myself. I don’t know. Regardless of what I call it, mistake or cheating, I’ll always be sorry.”

I let go of her hand to tuck her into my side and rest my cheek to her hair. “I’m sorry. For everything.”

She leaned further into my side. “I appreciate that. It’s time to let it go and move on. That’s what Finn wants. I should try and do the same.”

We stayed still, listening to the hum of the appliances and the noise filtering through the door from the dining room. And, though her heart was still hurting, I knew that after today, I wouldn’t be hearing the word cheater again.

I unwound my arm and leaned back against the table. “Why didn’t you tell me about your conversation with Finn sooner? The paint fight was last month.”

She caught a tear before it could smudge her mascara. “I just needed some time to process it all. Saying it out loud makes it real.”

“I’m sorry, Molly-moo,” I whispered.

“Me too.” She sniffled, fighting hard not to cry.

And if I cried, she’d cry too. Breathe. I needed to be strong for Molly. I gripped the table behind me, sucking in some air as I reined in my emotions. But on my exhale, my heart sank. I was just so . . . disappointed. In my brother. In my friend. In this whole situation.

These two were wasting love. They were throwing it all away because of some mistakes. Finn hadn’t learned anything from me. He hadn’t been paying attention at all these last five years. Because if he’d really been paying attention, he’d realize just how lucky he was.

He had someone he loved right here. Right here, waiting to love him back. He could hug her. He could kiss her. He could tell her things—things I’d never get to say to Jamie again.

Instead, he wanted to date.

Disappointment shifted into anger as I pictured Finn out with another woman. Dating.

Fuck dating. Fuck this whole thing. I loved my brother fiercely but he was making a huge mistake. And Molly didn’t need him if he didn’t see her for the flawed, beautiful, wonderful woman she was.

“You’ll be okay,” I declared.

Her shoulders pulled back. “Yes, I will. I have two beautiful children. I love my job. I get to work with my best friend every day. I’ll be more than okay. I just need to get through this.”

I reached out and took her hand. “Minute by minute.”