The Birthday List(15)

“I tried to get in earlier but I had something come up at work. I don’t suppose you’ve got any dinner left?”

“Just barely. We had more of a rush than I expected and we’re down to just a few things. Sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry. That’s a good problem to have on opening day.”

“You know,” Molly said, standing too, “I was just telling Poppy she should eat. She’s been running around like crazy all day. Why don’t you eat together?”

My eyes snapped to my friend. “It’s late and I’m sure Cole just wants to take something to—”

“I’d like that.” He grinned at Molly.

She smiled back.

I looked from one to the other and back again. I held up a finger to Cole. “Would you excuse us for just a minute?”

He chuckled and pulled out a chair at our table, taking a seat. “Take all the time you need.”

I grabbed Molly’s elbow, then yanked her away from the table and back to the kitchen. When the door swung closed behind us, I let her go and planted my hands on my hips. “What do you think you’re doing?”

“You like him.”

“What?” I squeaked. My voice was so high it’d send dogs into barking hysterics.

“See?” She gave me her smug smile. “You like him.”

I shook my head. “No, I don’t. I don’t like him.”

“Liar.”

I huffed. “It’s complicated. I know him.”

“Yeah. From karate.”

“No.” I shook my head and took a deep breath. “I knew him before karate. He was the cop that came to my house to tell me that Jamie . . .” I twirled my wrist instead of finishing my sentence.

“Oh, shit.”

“Pretty much.”

Molly paced back and forth by my prep table for a few moments, fidgeting with her hands. When she stopped walking, she planted both hands on the table. “Okay. I can see how that would be weird, but the fact still stands. You like him.”

I shrugged. “He’s cute. But I don’t like him.”

“Cute?”

“Smoking hot. Whatever. None of that matters. I am in no place to be liking a man.”

She sighed and left the table, coming to stand right in front of me. Then she placed her hands on my shoulders. “Okay. I’ve been saving this speech for a day like today.”

“I’m scared right now.”

“Shush and listen up.” She took a breath and started reciting something she’d clearly practiced a time or twelve. “You are my best friend and I love you. I want you to be happy and have love in your life. Jamie would have wanted you to be happy and have love in your life. And I think it’s time for you to open your heart again to that possibility.”

“It’s too soon.” I shook my head. Even thinking about being with another man made my heart hurt. I couldn’t do that to Jamie. Not yet. Maybe not ever.

“Poppy,” Molly whispered, “at some point, a man was going to come along and catch your eye. There’s nothing wrong with that. There’s nothing wrong with you exploring something with that guy. It’s not a betrayal to Jamie.”

The lump in the back of my throat started to choke. “It feels like it though. I can’t do that to him.”

“I understand. I really do. We all loved Jamie. We all miss Jamie. But it’s been five years. You’re going through his list to try and move on, right?”

I nodded.

“The list is a good thing, you know I support you in that. But just marking off all Jamie’s check boxes isn’t going to be enough. At some point, you have to live for you too. That’s how you’re going to move on.”

“But I . . .” I wanted to move on, but I was scared to move on. As much as I wanted to be happy and let go of the past, I was terrified that I’d lose the piece of Jamie still in my heart.

“But what?”

I took a deep breath and confessed the worries that had kept me from sleeping last night. “What if I fall in love with another man and forget Jamie?”

She gave me a sad smile. “Do you really think that would ever happen?”

“No,” I sighed. “Not really. I’m just scared.”

“I get that. But I’m not saying jump into bed with Cole or have his babies. I’m just saying, you think he’s cute. From the look in his eye, he thinks you’re cute too. You two should spend some time being cute together.”

“Okay. I officially hate the word cute.”

“Me too.” She laughed. “So what do you say? Have dinner with him. Do it for me. Pleeeeease?”

I groaned. “Stop that. Now you sound like Kali.”

“Where do you think I learned it? She says ‘please’ so long and loud I always give in. Do you want me to do it again? I’ll do it again. Pleeeee—”

“Okay! Since I’m already making myself a sandwich, I’ll make him one too.”

“Yes!” she cheered before pulling me into her arms. “Love you, Poppy-bear.”

I smiled at the nickname she’d given me my freshman year in college. “Love you too, Molly-moo.”

“How about I finish up out there and close up? Then you guys can eat back here.”