The Becoming of Noah Shaw (The Shaw Confessions #1)(19)

“But you didn’t have a—a vision just now, did you?” she’d asked. “So there’s some factor besides pain. Don’t you want to know what it is?”

I said yes. I lied.

It had been true, once, when it first started. I wanted to know more, why I could do what others couldn’t and couldn’t seem to do some of the things normal people could (ex: getting drunk on occasion would’ve been fun). I even thought I could help the people I’d been seeing—else why would I have the ability to see them? But I never managed it. I was either unable to find out who and where they were, or I found out just after they died.

So I stopped looking. Until Mara. She was the first person I’d ever met that I’d seen in that way, and at first I wanted to know why.

Now I do know why, and the price of that knowledge is too high.

I’ve felt Mara dying beneath my skin. I felt her terror when Jude, that mad dog belonging to my father’s mad scientist, forced her to slit her own wrists. Felt the steel bite into her skin, her dizziness from the loss of blood, felt her cheek hit the dock when she collapsed, while I was in another state playing private detective.

“You were trying to help,” she had said. “You were trying to find answers—”

But I didn’t need any answers. “I need you,” I told her then, and it’s even more true now.

She has a curious mind and I love her for it, but not enough to lose her to it. Not enough to risk her. I need to work this out on my own.

And so it is that I lead Mara, Daniel, Goose, and Jamie to One Main Street in Brooklyn, taking the long way along the waterfront beneath the two bridges. I assembled them all under the pretence of “Shit went down, let’s decompress,” with the actual goals of (a) moving out of the hotel; (b) moving the people I like in with me, and (c) doing it as quickly as possible with as many of them as possible, so no one’ll notice my absence when I unpack what I’ve had sent from Yorkshire.

It’s dusk when we meet, and the sun-dipped clouds in pinks and yellows render us as jewelled figures in an old painting. The lights are on in lower Manhattan, but not everywhere. A fairy city, it looks like. And then we’re here.

The five of us look up at the DUMBO clock tower, whereupon the doorman lets us in, shows us to the lift.

Four pairs of eyes on me.

“What are we doing here, exactly?” Jamie asks.

I put the key in the lift and press the Penthouse button. “Taking a tour,” I say.

“Of . . . ?”

“Of the clock tower.”

“Um, why?”

“Because.” The doors to the lift open up to a sleek white hall with double doors at the end of it. I key the lock and—

“Welcome home,” I say.

“Holy—” Jamie starts

“Shit,” Daniel finishes. Not a swearer, he.

Mara swoops in, taking in the four clock faces that invite the glittering, jagged skylines of New York inside. There’s so much new coming at her, at all of us—I’d seen only pictures, sent by Ms. Gao’s assistant, approved by me—that did not do this place justice.

A sheet of frosted glass falls away and every detail leaps at me, separate and vivid. The crackled cigar colour of the ancient tufted leather couches I’d had bought from some estate sale in Yorkshire. The amber Edison bulbs with brass fittings warming the cold steel and glass interior of the loft. And my library. My books line shelves reaching at least twenty feet in the air, with an old-timey rolling ladder on rails to reach them. The books were all I could think of when the assistant e-mailed to ask what I wanted the flat to look like. I had no idea what I liked aside from books and music. Every choice I’d made with my father’s money had been reactionary—the clothes I wore (an affront to him), the car I drove (teenage rebellion). So I told her I liked old things, things with history. Everything in the flat had come from somewhere else, had belonged to someone else, used and then sold or discarded, and now it belonged to me. Rather like using family money I hadn’t earned—I had the chance to create something new with it, to take something that was theirs and make it mine.

Ours. Mara is biting her lower lip in a smile. She gets it, she knows. The others don’t, not yet.

“What is this place?” Jamie asks.

“The flat I bought with my father’s blood money. Do you like it?”

“Blood money?” Goose asks. “Bit dramatic.”

Jamie breezes past me. “Is it?”

Mara’s cringing, and Daniel makes the cutoff gesture at his neck as his eyes flick to Goose.

I’ve spent so little time with anyone but us, it’s easy to forget what they don’t know. That will take getting used to. It was good to have Goose around though. Again, that feeling of taking something from my old life and weaving it into this new one. One I’m trying to want to stay in.

I’ll make Goose work. Somehow.

Daniel’s in one corner of the space, standing by the grand piano, skimming a hand over the keys, his body twisted to look out through the clock at the Manhattan Bridge. Goosey’s found the bar, copper and glass and well stocked. Jamie’s flopped onto a sofa, eyeing the projector and original Nintendo and Super Nintendo consoles (assistant’s idea, must’ve been). Mara stands with me, gripping my hand.

“When did you do this?”