The Astonishing Color of After(109)
I grew up witnessing firsthand the effects of depression, and watching how my family let the stigma surrounding it become one of the darkest, stickiest traps. That stigma can and does kill. That stigma is perpetuated by not talking.
RESOURCES
SUICIDE PREVENTION
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline:
suicidepreventionlifeline.org In a crisis, call their free and 24/7 U.S. hotline:
1-800-273-TALK (8255) Contact their Crisis Text Line:
text TALK to 741-741
National Hopeline Network:
hopeline.com / 1-800-442-HOPE (4673) American Association of Suicidology:
suicidology.org American Foundation for Suicide Prevention:
afsp.org Suicide Prevention Resource Center:
sprc.org
FOR SUICIDE LOSS SURVIVORS
Alliance of Hope for Suicide Survivors:
allianceofhope.org American Association of Suicidology survivors page:
suicidology.org/suicide-survivors/suicide-loss-survivors Friends for Survival:
friendsforsurvival.org
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline survivors page:
suicidepreventionlifeline.org/help-yourself/loss-survivors/
Suicide Awareness Voices of Education:
save.org
UNDERSTANDING MENTAL ILLNESS
Mental Health America:
mentalhealthamerica.net
National Alliance on Mental Illness:
nami.org
National Institute of Mental Health:
nimh.nih.gov
Acknowledgments
I remember knowing when I was just seven years old that I wanted to tell the world my stories, and see my own books sit on shelves in libraries and stores. It took a little over two decades for that dream to begin to come true. Two decades, and the help of a lot of incredible people. I’ll try to cover most of them below.
First, my brilliant and tireless agent, Michael Bourret, to whom I could easily write an entire tome of thanks. I don’t know how you have the energy for all that you do—clearly some part of you is made of magic. Thank you for being so kind and passionate and human, and for championing this story so hard. I truly won the agent lottery.
Thank you as well to Lauren Abramo, Erin Young, the rest of the DG&B team, and Mary Pender-Coplan at UTA—I’m thrilled to be represented by the absolute best people.
Alvina Ling, my wonderful editor, helped me shape this book into what it always wanted to be. Thank you for believing in me and my words, and for loving these characters so much.
Thanks to Kheryn Callender for being an important friend and assistant extraordinaire throughout this wild ride.
Thank you, Nikki Garcia, for so precisely and gracefully handling all those logistics and details.
And to the rest of the Little, Brown family—especially Russell Busse, Michelle Campbell, Jackie Engel, Elisabeth Ferrari, Shawn Foster, Sasha Illingworth, Jess Shoffel Maglio, Annie McDonnell, Emilie Polster, Elizabeth Rosenbaum, Carol Scatorchio, Andrea Spooner, Victoria Stapleton, Angela Taldone, Megan Tingley, Ruiko Tokunaga, Valerie Wong, Danielle Yadao, Elena Yip, and any other LBYR team members I didn’t learn of in time to include here—I’m endlessly grateful for all that you awesome people do.
Christine Ma and Rosanne Lauer were my excellent freelance copyeditor and proofreader.
The artist Gray318 and the above-mentioned Sasha Illingworth and Angela Taldone made my cover so beautiful I can’t stop staring at it.
Thanks must also be sent across the ocean to my UK editor, Samantha Swinnerton, and the rest of the fabulous team at Orion Children’s Books, including Thy Bui, Nicola Goode, Helen Hughes, Dominic Kingston, Lucy Upton, plus anyone else making magic happen for this book.
I’ve had some amazing teachers who left a permanent mark on me, and I would not be the writer I am without them. In particular I want to name: Susan (Hartmann) Nabors (fifth grade), Cindy Stone Murphy (sixth grade), Tery Solomon (eleventh grade), and Rachel DeWoskin (college). You taught me that I have what it takes. I thought of all of you so often as I was drafting and revising.
I began this novel while I was in Chuck Wachtel’s workshop during my first year of NYU’s MFA program. It was Chuck’s steadfast belief in me and in the seed of this story that made me try again and again until I got it right. Thanks, Chuck Laoshi.
The Writers Room on Broadway provided the most quiet of places to focus, and all the peanut-butter-filled pretzel nuggets I could possibly desire. I spent many hours there revising.
Here’s a group hug for the Kidlit Authors of Color, and for the Electric Eighteens, who offered much-needed cheer and commiserating.
Kim Blanck, Mia Garcia, Britt Lockhart, and Kayla Rae Whitaker were among my early readers and feedback-givers—you guys are the best.
Wang Shengfei and He Jiawei and Joyce Ge, who live on the other side of the world, kindly answered a thousand questions via WeChat as I was deciding what conventions to follow for the Pinyin.
I’m indebted to the terrifically generous Sisi Guo for the guidance and the psychologist’s perspective.
The very final draft of this book was completed during my residency at the Djerassi Resident Artists Program, the most beautiful and soul-nourishing place I’ve ever been. The fantastic Djerassi staff kept me well-fed and inspired, and even plucked a faulty smoke detector off my ceiling at two in the morning. My fellow April 2017 residents braved the trails and ticks and spiders with me—and their pep talks and fancy-dessert-making skills carried me through my last revision.