The Art of Not Breathing(46)

“How was it?” Joey calls from the boat, oblivious to Danny’s anger.

“She let go of the wire,” Danny says, glaring at me.

Rex and Joey help me out of the water, and I slide over the side ungracefully, landing on the bottom of the boat with a thud.

“What happened?” Rex asks, handing us beers. Now I really want that beer. I sit up and drink nearly half of mine in one go, hoping it will stop the shakes.

“I slipped. But I didn’t go very far. It’s not really a big deal.”

Rex smokes and looks at Danny, confused.

“How deep did you go, then?”

Danny coughs and presses a button on his watch.

“Thirty-two meters,” he says neutrally.

“I was just following something. A fish, maybe. I didn’t notice I was going deeper.” I smile to show them I am fine, and it works. It makes me feel at ease too. I almost believe this is the truth.

Rex and Joey laugh and pull fish faces.

“That’s what happens when you go that deep. It messes with your mind,” Danny says.

“Nice one, Main,” Joey says.

“You’re a true mermaid now,” Rex says.

Thirty-two meters. I shiver because I realize that I was only eleven meters from the bottom. If Danny hadn’t grabbed me, I might have got down there.

“I bet Tay could’ve got to the bottom.”

Even before I’ve finished saying his name, I know I shouldn’t have. They all eyeball each other and go silent.

“What?” I ask.

“Nothing, mermaid,” Rex says.

“Have you heard from him? Has something happened to him?”

“I’ve not heard anything,” Joey says defiantly.

“God! Will someone please tell me what’s going on? Where is he?”

There is more silence, and I grab the oar and hold it out in front of me as though I’m about to defend myself against a tribe of warriors.

“If you don’t tell me, I’ll jump off and I’ll go to the bottom and you won’t be able to stop me.”

I don’t know why I’m acting so crazy. Maybe the depth really has messed with my mind.

Danny flinches. Then he speaks in a whisper. “He’s back.”

I drop the oar and it lands on Joey’s foot. He bites his lip but doesn’t say anything.

“Since when?”

“A couple of days ago.”

So that’s why Danny is in a mood. The boys all hang their heads guiltily. Joey looks up and shrugs.

“I didn’t know until this morning,” he explains, thinking that it matters to me.

“Right—let’s go back, then.”

I don’t let the excitement or fear show on my face. So he’s back. And he owes me an explanation. I reach over Rex and start the motor. The boys all fall to the floor, but Danny scrambles back up and drives us back to the harbor.

I glance at the black water. I picture Eddie’s body tumbling down into the drop-off, and I let out a sob.

“Are you okay?” Joey whispers.

I nod. These last few weeks, I’ve imagined that Eddie might have been at peace in his last moments—the bright colors, the sense of freedom, the lightness. But the water here is cold, dark, and creepy. He would have been terrified. My stomach starts cramping. For the first time, Eddie’s death is starting to seem real to me. I’m even surer of my plan now. I’ve got to get to the bottom, to say goodbye, to tell him that I’m there, to tell him that I’m sorry.





10



LARA SNEEZES RIGHT AFTER I’VE PUT BLUE MASCARA ON HER, so she has to wash it off and we start over again. We are locked in the bathroom so my mother doesn’t interrupt us. Every time a floorboard creaks in the hallway, Lara whispers, “Is that Dillon?”

“I told you, he’s not here.”

It’s hot today, and I feel horrible and sticky. I wipe my sweaty hands on a towel.

“What’s the deal with him?”

“You tell me,” I say. “You spend more time with him than I do.”

“Not anymore,” she says sadly.

I feel a bit sorry for her. She obviously really likes him.

I don’t want her to wear my Ruby Red, so I search through my makeup bag and find a pink one that I think will suit her better. When I’ve finished, she pouts in the mirror.

“He won’t be able to resist me,” she says, running her fingers through her perfect straight hair.

She’s wearing skinny jeans and a top that she borrowed from her mum, and tries to make me change out of my combat trousers.

“I don’t have anything else. Isn’t it enough that I’ve agreed to come with you?” I ask.

Especially when all I want to do is find Tay. I’ve been to the boathouse several times, and there’s been no sign of him.

“Your turn,” Lara says, waving the mascara wand at me. “If you wear makeup, maybe no one will notice your clothes.”

“Not much you can do with this face,” I say.

When I look in the mirror, though, I’m reminded of how much I’ve changed recently. My cheeks have thinned, and I no longer have a double chin. Danny’s workout sessions are responsible for this. I’m not sure I like the way I look, though—older, more grown-up. I don’t have Eddie’s round baby face anymore.