The Art of Not Breathing(23)

“On what? Freediving?”

“No, on the winner of the jumping competition.”

I breathe a sigh of relief. If Danny had told Tay about Eddie, I’m sure Tay would’ve mentioned it by now. I picture Tay’s perfect formations, his taut body flying through the air and the way he emerged from the water hardly breathless. My stomach quivers, but I can’t give him the satisfaction of telling him how great I think he is.

“Me, of course!” I proclaim. “I think I get extra points for being so dramatic.” I lower my voice. “And, you just told me that you thought I had balls, so I must have impressed you.”

He smiles and shakes his head and says, “Okay, I’ll give you that one, but I want a rematch.”

“I’m not sure about that.”

“Oh, come on. You shouldn’t let one bad experience put you off.”

“Danny says I can’t come back to the harbor.”

Tay lights a long piece of grass and then puts it out with his fingers. Then he does it again. His attention span is worse than Eddie’s.

“Tay?” I prompt gently.

He snaps his head up and grins at me. I pull my hood down away from my face so I don’t look so much like a boy, even though I know my hair will be wild and I won’t be able to brush it after it gets tangled in the wind. I see him look at my hair briefly, and then he stares into my eyes.

“Hey, don’t worry about Danny. He just doesn’t like being in competition with girls. He can be a bit of a twat sometimes,” he says.

“If you don’t like him, why are you friends?”

Tay snorts. “We’re not really friends. He’s my cousin, so we have to get on.”

“Oh. But what if . . .” I trail off, remembering I can’t tell Tay the real reason Danny told me to stay away. “My parents are a bit strict,” I say instead. “They worry.”

“So we stay out of sight, then. Plenty of places we can dive, or jump, without anyone seeing us.”

He winks, and leans forward slightly, trying to look into my eyes. I feel the ground fall away from me. If he kisses me now, what do I do? I wait, bracing myself for his lips on mine, at the same time thinking that I’m crazy for imagining he would want to kiss me.

There’s a screech and then hysterical giggling. We both look down the bank and see a group of people heading toward us. One of them, a girl, is struggling to get to her feet. I recognize her long straight hair—it’s Lara. Dillon holds one of her arms, and Ailsa holds the other. They drag her upright and she stumbles again. She is wasted.

Tay gets up.

“Come on, Elsie, let’s get away from here.”

But it’s too late. Dillon has seen me, and so has Ailsa.

Dillon lets go of Lara and runs up the bank.

“Elsie, what are you doing here?” he gasps. He has to rest his hands on his knees to catch his breath. I can tell he is slightly drunk. He stares at Tay but looks like he’s having trouble focusing.

Tay grabs my arm and tries to pull me up.

“Get your hands off my sister,” Dillon spits.

Tay lets me go and they stare each other out. For a minute I think that Dillon is going to punch Tay, but Lara wails from down the bank and he turns around. Tay takes off and doesn’t look back. I’ve never seen anyone move so fast. In a flash he has disappeared into the darkness, before I can go with him.

Dillon collapses next to me on his knees. He looks like he’s about to be sick.

“Can you take Lara home?” he calls to Ailsa. “I’ve got to take Elsie back.”

“You should have left her with her ugly weirdo boyfriend,” Ailsa shouts into the night.

At least I don’t fancy my best friend’s boyfriend, I think. She makes my blood boil. And right now, so does Dillon.

“I don’t need you to take me home. I was perfectly happy sitting here,” I hiss.

Dillon pulls me to my feet, and he’s surprisingly strong.

“Stay away from that boy,” he says, slurring.

“Why? What’s it to you?”

Dillon looks in the direction that Tay ran off in, then drags me onto the path that leads back home via the golf course.

“Because I’m your brother and I’m looking out for you. Mum and Dad will go bonkers if they find out.”

“You’re not supposed to be here either,” I remind him.

“Loser,” Ailsa shouts. I’m not sure if it’s directed at me or Dillon. I’m in the mood to go home now. I could do without all these people suddenly having my best interests at heart. It’s not like anyone’s cared until now whether I have any friends or not. Screw them.

Dillon grips my arm firmly all the way home. Just a few months ago we were sneaking around together, and now we seem to be at odds. I’m sure Lara and Ailsa have been turning him against me.

Our parents are in bed when we get back, and we are wet and cold from the damp sea air.

In the kitchen I stand by him as he drinks a pint of water.

“Who were you looking for?” I ask. “That day.”

He frowns at me and stumbles up to bed.

I lie on the sofa and let Eddie tell me jokes until past three a.m. He gives me the wrong answers for the jokes, but I don’t mind. I get him. I want to get Tay, too. I just don’t know how to get inside his head.