Sweet Nothing(44)

His face twisted in disgust. “You’re not a f*cking toy, Avery. I’ve never treated you like that. And he wasn’t just eyeing you, not that it makes any of his bullshit okay. He has a family. You didn’t see him smirking at me every time he was around you. He thought it was a game. You’re not a game to me. You’re my family. He may take his for granted, but I sure as f*ck don’t.”

Avery’s bottom lip quivered. “I don’t need this.”

“You don’t need me.” I said the words without emotion, trying to stay calm, but anger surged through me. “What the f*ck, Avery? You know what? That’s fine. I need you enough for the both of us.”

“That’s the problem,” she blurted. “You’re being irrational. You don’t think things through. This is still new, you and me, and it’s happening really fast. We need to step back for a second.”

Slipping the penny over her head, she gritted her teeth and then shoved it at me.

I felt broken, like the moment had come when I’d finally lose everything. “For my thoughts?”

“No. I don’t even want to know what you were thinking.” She set the necklace down on the coffee table.

I stared at the necklace like she’d put a poisonous snake on my table. “Avery,” I said, swallowing down the sudden panic. “You can’t … you can’t just tell me you love me and then bail at the first sign of trouble.”

She hesitated, mulling over what I’d said. I relaxed a tiny bit before she shook her head. “You wanted a girl like me, didn’t you?” she said, wiping her cheek with her wrist. “Sensible, selective, and worthy? This is what girls like me do, Josh. We pay attention to the red flags, and you are a giant f*cking red flag.” She turned on her heels, slamming the door behind her.

“Fuck,” I growled. I pushed up on the edge of the coffee table, flipping it onto its side before collapsing back onto the couch and burying my face in my hands.

I’d never let anyone in like I had Avery, and now I’d let her down. I knew going to Doc Rose’s had been a dick move, and that was exactly why I hadn’t told her what I’d done. But that didn’t make it okay for her to just walk out on me. That wasn’t what love was about. At least, that’s what I thought.

I picked up the table and her necklace. I decided to try to distract myself with housework, but I kept running across things that reminded me of Avery. One of my pillows smelled like her shampoo, her razor was in the shower, her toothbrush in the holder, even the dish soap, which I changed because she preferred the green kind over the blue. I scrubbed harder and moved faster, but nothing worked. I kept thinking about the hurt in her eyes before she walked out, and guilt consumed me.

My apartment was cleaner than it had ever been, but it had never felt lonelier. Dax was sniffing at my feet, sensing something was wrong. I dug my phone from my pocket as I pushed to my feet and began pacing the floor, careful not to trip over Dax, who was anxious to get my attention. I hovered my finger over the screen, trying to decide who to call. If I called Avery and she didn’t answer, I knew I just may lose my f*cking mind.

I dialed Quinn’s number instead. Being alone with my thoughts was never a good idea.

He answered after three rings.

“I f*cked up, man.” I ran my hand over my messy hair and continued to pace.

He groaned, and I could tell I’d woken him. “What did ya do now, dumb f*ck?” he asked during a drawn-out yawn.

“She left me. Avery f*cking left me.”

“What?” he yelled. I could hear a female’s voice grumbling in the background.

“That Deb?”

After a scuffle, Deb’s voice was crystal clear on the other end of the line. “It better be Deb or your friend here would be two apples short of a picnic if you smell what I’m stepping in.”

I closed my eyes, keeping my voice low and even. “Please put Quinn back on the phone.”

With an exasperated sigh, there was some muffled noise before Quinn was back on the line.

“I went to the doc’s house, Quinn.”

Quinn chuckled. “You did what? Because if I heard you right, that was idiotic, brother, even for you.”

“I know,” I said, rubbing the back of my neck, pacing while I spoke. “But he’s married. His f*cking wife answered the door.”

“Whoa, Josh. You need to think about this. Doc Rose’s family is none of your business. I love you, man, but you crossed the line.”

“He crossed the f*cking line!” I snapped.

“Josh,” Quinn said, keeping his voice calm. “You have to trust Avery to handle it. You can’t control everything.”

“I know,” I said. My lungs weren’t getting enough oxygen, and I sat, struggling to breathe as Dax pawed at my leg.

“It’s going to be okay,” Quinn promised. “She’s mad now, but she’ll forgive you. Deb is nodding her head. She agrees with me. She loves you.”

“Yeah?” I said. I covered my face, unsure whether he was placating me or being sincere.

“Yeah, man. Get some rest. It’ll be better tomorrow.”

We hung up, and I trudged to the bedroom, falling onto the mattress fully dressed. The coils squeaked, and I groaned. Something else to remind me of Avery: her sighs when we were naked about where I was lying now. I stared at the ceiling, praying to fall asleep, and then glanced through the doorway at the hutch in the living room. I promised myself never to drink for any other purpose than entertainment, but getting just drunk enough to sleep was very f*cking tempting.