Sweet Little Memories (Sweet #3)(17)

All it said was, I’ll be home late.

Nothing more. No reason why. He hadn’t even added an “I love you.” Maybe it was girly of me to thinking that, but I hadn’t heard from him all day. And I get home and find that note.

I hadn’t eaten dinner with Geraldine thinking I would cook something for us tonight. We could have a nice meal together and talk about our day. I wanted to be there for him to discuss what his next steps were with Wills.

Nope. I was alone. With no information other than he would be home late.

Sitting in the kitchen, I ate a bowl of chicken noodle soup I had found in the pantry and heated up. There was nothing appetizing about canned noodle soup, but I wasn’t going to cook just for me. The saltine crackers helped the taste somewhat. My plans to make spinach and chicken gnocchi for a nice dinner were now gone.

The apartment was quiet. I’d been here with it empty except for me more than I had been here with Stone. At least it seemed that way. I was being whiny. I knew my roaming thoughts were unreasonable, but I couldn’t seem to stop myself.

Life with Stone was never going to be predictable or normal. I shouldn’t expect it to be. Especially now. He had a lot on his shoulders. More than I could imagine. I had to be his support not another responsibility—he didn’t need that.

Pausing mid-bite, the soup suddenly smelled funny. My mood was more than likely the cause. I stood up and walked to the sink to dump the soup, washed it down the sink disposal. A bath sounded nice. I would do that while I waited on Stone. Eating wasn’t enjoyable.

After I washed my bowl and put it away, I headed to the room I had been sleeping in and decided I would use that bathroom. It felt weird going into Stone’s bedroom and personal space without him here. This wasn’t my home. I was referring to it as if it were, but this was Stone’s home, not mine. I didn’t have a home.

Stopping to look at myself in the mirror, I wondered if I should think about getting a place of my own. Stone had never mentioned that he wanted me to live with him permanently. We were . . . we were a couple. But that didn’t mean he planned on us living under the same roof. Feeling displaced was normal for me, but it didn’t make it feel less lonely. It made me miss my mother and our home.

Would she approve of Stone? I hadn’t thought of that. I’d been so wrapped up in how he made me feel that I didn’t stop and think about what my mother would have done in this situation. I had never seen her date or get serious with a man. Heidi and I had been her center. Her world. Had she ever been lonely? As a mother of two girls with no help, having a life outside of us had to be incredibly hard. She had no one to lean on, no support.

Once again, I was reminded of how tough my mother was. She was strong. She had raised me to believe in myself and to never depend on someone else. She’d taught me to change a tire, fix a lawn mower, climb a ladder to check the roof, and never think I needed a man for anything. And here I was feeling lonely without a man. I was vulnerable where I had been raised never to put myself in this situation.

The man who donated part of my DNA never came around. He never asked about me. Never helped her once. And I never heard her complain, mention him, or blame him for the difficulties I know she had to face. It was as if he never existed.

I walked into the bathroom and turned on the water for my bath. I would never be as tough as my mother. I could blame that on the unknown man who helped give me life. He was weak. Maybe that was where this emotional outcry was coming from.

With a sigh, I took off my clothing and stepped into the warm water. My head was all over the place. My emotions abnormally raw. It wasn’t like me to worry and get worked up so easily. Stone has a job. He can’t be expected to be here with me all the time. That was silly and I needed to get over myself.

Lying back, I closed my eyes and enjoyed the warmth of the water. My body was tired and my thoughts quickly began to ease and drift. Drowsily, I realized I was beginning to dream and forced my eyes open. I’d never gone to sleep in the bath before. Last nights events must be catching up to me.

My lack of sleep could also be contributed to my emotions. I sat up and started to wash my body deciding I needed to get some sleep before Stone got home. If he wanted a repeat of last night, I was on board. However, in order to keep up with him I needed sleep. At the thought of grabbing a nap, I yawned and my eyes watered. Jeez, I was tired.

I quickly finished and dried my body with a towel. I felt so out of sorts. Reasons for my off behavior ran through my head. I smiled when I realized it was probably time for my period. I paused and did the math in my head but it didn’t seem right. Thinking harder I counted the days but once again it was wrong. It couldn’t have been thirty-six days since my last period. I was a twenty-eight days on the mark girl. Never a day early or late.

My heart began to thud more rapidly in my chest. I wrapped the towel around me and searched for my phone. I needed to see my phone calendar because I had marked down the first day of my last period. I always marked the calendar so I knew when to expect my next one. Each step I took to my phone, my mind began assaulting me with what ifs I tried to slap away and push back.

When I grabbed my phone, my hand was trembling. I was shaking as I unlocked the screen and scrolled for the calendar app. There was a moment of pause before I clicked it. I wasn’t sure I wanted to see. I wasn’t sure I was ready if I wasn’t wrong. Too much would be in the balance. I began to sweat as I lowered my thumb to press the small calendar app and it opened in front of me.