Strangers: A Novel(89)

We smile at each other. It worked. Relief is written all over Joanna’s face. And on mine as well, probably.

“Breakfast will be in the restaurant, from six thirty until ten,” the man explains. “Your room is on the third floor. The elevators are just here on the left. I hope you have a pleasant stay.”

The room is fairly spacious. Joanna takes a quick look around and lets herself fall down onto the king-size bed.

“At least we’re out of the line of fire for now.”

I pull up a leather armchair that’s diagonally opposite to her. There’s so much I’d like to tell her, but I don’t know where to begin.

“Jo. You can still go back. If you—”

“No chance.”

That’s what I thought she would say. And yet … now that I finally know she’s standing by me again, all I want is to see her safe. But at the same time I’m very happy she’s with me.

“I can’t begin to tell you how happy it makes me, what you did. But I still don’t understand why.”

“Erik—”

“No, please let me finish. If you still can’t remember us, that means you’ve only known me for a few days. A lot has happened in that short time; we’ve been through an awful lot together. But that doesn’t change the fact that I still must be a stranger to you. And the fact that there’s nothing in our house to remind you of me either, however that happened. So why on earth are you not just snubbing your father, but also risking your life, all for a stranger?”

Joanna looks me straight in the eyes the entire time I’m speaking.

“I hate having my father try and dictate how I should live my life. He’s a patriarch, and he’s used to everyone dancing to his tune. I put up with it to a certain extent; I mean, he is my dad after all. But I’m not having him determine the lives of people who mean a lot to me.”

Is this the part where I get hit with the sobering reality? “Does that mean you only stayed because you wanted to defy your father?”

Joanna shows no reaction whatsoever, and I’m just wondering if she even understood the question when she grabs hold of my hands.

“You must have blocked out part of what I just said.” Her voice doesn’t sound reproachful, but gentle. “The most important part, at that. Is that one of your character quirks? I’ll gladly repeat myself in case you didn’t understand. I said that I’m not having my father determine the lives of people who mean a lot to me.”

Sometimes, words can really do a world of good. I think of everything Joanna said, all the things she did over the past few days. Of all the times she pushed me away when I tried to get closer. And now …

“I mean a lot to you? After such a short time? After everything that’s happened?” My hands are still in hers. They feel very warm, all of a sudden.

“Yes, you do. But that’s not really a surprise, is it? I don’t know what happened to me, but whatever it was, it seems like I’m still essentially the same person. And if what you say is true, I’ve fallen in love with you once before. So why shouldn’t I do the same thing again if, from my perspective at least, we get to know each other all over again?”





41

I wait for Erik to say something, but he doesn’t. He leaves my confession hanging there in the air, and just looks at me silently, with a mix of hope and distrust.

I can hardly blame him. I can still see the bandage under his right sleeve; I imagine the pain is still troubling him, even though he never complains about it.

And yet we make physical contact, without him flinching or freezing up, for the first time since the knife incident. He gently squeezes my hand back, but lets go immediately when I stand up to draw the curtains. We’re on the third floor, but I still feel more comfortable if the windows are covered. And the door locked, but Erik has already seen to that.

For a moment I just stay there by the window, looking at him.

I wasn’t lying. He means a lot to me; more than I can explain even to myself. My decision back then at the airport was neither made on a whim nor based on an act of spite. I wouldn’t have been able to bring myself to get on the plane without him. Not just because I would have been abandoning him. But because the thought of being separated from him was, all of a sudden, unbearably painful.

I go back over to him, sit on the broad arm of the chair he’s in. Right now, nobody should have any idea of where we are, even if my father can check up on the booking via the credit card—that would only be possible once we check out. Until then, we’re safe. I had completely forgotten how that felt.

Was Erik feeling the same thing? Probably not, after all, he was in a room with the woman who had almost stabbed him to death. Who could become violent again at any time. Hurt him. Hurt herself. A woman who wasn’t right in the head. It was no wonder he was being cautious about the confession I’d made.

“What I said just then, I meant it.” I brush a strand of his hair off his forehead, letting my hand linger for a moment longer than necessary. “I can’t tell you exactly when it started, but it’s getting stronger all the time. You’re becoming more and more important to me…”

Erik closes his eyes for a few seconds at my touch. “Jo, I…” He interrupts himself. “Does this room remind you of anything?”