Strangers: A Novel(29)

Maybe it had simply been an accident. A maintenance error. Something that could happen anywhere. The bad thing, though, is that this possibility seems the least likely to me.

I close my eyes. Block out the world. Concentrate only on the oxygen streaming into my body.

* * *

The next morning, even before the pitiful hospital breakfast is brought to me, there’s a knock at the door and Ela comes into the room. She looks pale, shaking her head again and again, and sits down on the edge of my bed.

“What on earth is going on with you guys?” she says as she takes my hand.” Do you realize how close it was, Jo? With carbon monoxide poisoning, two minutes can mean the difference between life and death. Sometimes even less.”

I’m still wearing my oxygen mask. I don’t have to say anything, but I reciprocate the squeeze she gives my hand.

“I’m so glad Erik got there in time,” she murmurs. “He did exactly the right thing.”

She correctly interprets my questioning glance. “Yes, I talked to him, he’s here in the hospital too. He didn’t have a mask, after all, so it got him as well.” Was that a trace of accusation in her voice? “Not as badly as you, though. They’re already discharging him today.” She smiles; I guess she means for it to be encouraging. “Is there anything I can do for you?”

Yes, as a matter of fact there is. I lift my oxygen mask for a moment. “Call the photo studio. Please. Tell them that…”

“That you’ll be away for a while. Of course.”

She strokes my arm, biting her lower lip. It’s clear she wants to get something off her chest, but doesn’t know how to say it.

Eventually she comes out with it. “Have you thought about whether you might want to stay here for a while to get treatment, once you’ve made it through this part, I mean?” She tries to hold my gaze. “Not in this department, of course. In the psychiatric ward. Just to be on the safe side, you know?”

I abruptly pull my hand away from hers and turn my head to the side. Not because I find the idea so unreasonable; on the contrary. I had the same thought during the night. But Ela’s suggestion makes it real, and makes me realize that it’s the last thing I want. To be locked away, be put on medication, confronted with a diagnosis.

Cleared out of the way.

“I’m sorry,” I hear Ela say. “I don’t want to push you into anything. I really don’t. But do you remember what happened in the car yesterday? That’s just not like you.” She sighs, and I close my eyes.

Go away, I think.

Ela stands up, as if she heard my silent plea. “I’m just afraid that you could be a threat to yourself. Or maybe you already are. To yourself and Erik.”

She strokes my head. I let her, lying still like I’ve fallen asleep.

“I mean, you’re my friend. You’re important to me. Both of you are important to me. I don’t want anything to happen to either of you.”

* * *

Erik comes by a quarter of an hour after the doctor’s made his rounds. He pulls up a chair and doesn’t say anything for a long time, nor does he touch me. He has his elbows propped on his knees and his hands folded in front of his mouth. A waiting position.

But if he’s hoping that I’ll be unable to bear the silence and start a conversation, then he has a long and frustrating wait ahead of him. My oxygen mask is my protective shield.

His voice is soft when he eventually speaks. “I was so worried about you, Jo. And I’m so glad you’re getting better.”

I force myself to look him in the eyes. Was there ever a time in my life when I had felt so torn? I should be thanking this man, should be down on my knees with gratitude, for the fact that he had risked his own life to save me. And I’d do it too, without hesitation, if it wasn’t for this other possibility. The possibility that I wouldn’t even have needed to be saved if he weren’t here in the first place. The possibility that he intentionally put me in danger, all just to extort gratitude from me.

I decide to lift up my oxygen mask after all. “They’re saying it was the boiler?”

Erik hesitates for a moment, then nods. “It’s not just what they’re saying. That’s what it was. And—Jo…” He buries his face in his hands, rubbing it, then looks up again.

“I found the scarves.”

I have no idea what he’s talking about. “The scarves?”

“Yes. The boiler’s exhaust vent was blocked with three bunched-up scarves, the large ones that you like so much. That’s why…”

That’s why.

It wasn’t a technical defect. Or a maintenance error. Someone took my scarves out of the wardrobe and used them to build a little deathtrap.

“I took them out before the firemen arrived. They were really puzzled, because the exhaust should have been vented normally. They said that accidents like this can happen without the boiler being blocked, but in those cases the carbon monoxide only gets pushed back down into the vent when it’s humid outside and the air pressure is low.”

Erik doesn’t say any more, but I’m well aware of what he’s thinking. It wasn’t humid yesterday. And I was alone at home for hours. I would have had time to do it.

He probably talked with Ela already. Hence her suggestion earlier.

“It wasn’t me,” I say, and even I can hear how flat my voice is. Exhausted. Unconvincing.