Stranger in the Lake(93)

“But I am not sorry for falling in love with you. I’m not sorry for our time together, because those months were the happiest I’ve been in a very long time.” He smiles, and it’s the saddest thing I’ve ever seen.

“They were happy for me, too.”

It’s funny when you think about it, and I’ve thought about it a lot, but I fell in love with Paul not despite his flaws, but because of them. The way they made me feel less alone, the way they fit up snug against mine.

But now that I’ve put a little space between us, I can see his scars weren’t so much a complement but a camouflage. I’d found someone whose wounds overshadowed mine, and he came with a pretty house and a pile full of money. Of course I fell in love with him.

But I’m done being ashamed of our marriage. I’m not to blame for his lies.

Like Jax says, I am in charge of my own destiny.

And so what will I tell our daughter, when she’s old enough to understand? I’ll tell her the truth of what happened here, certainly, because there have been more than enough lies. I’ll tell her the sins of her father are not her burden, and neither are they mine. I’ll tell her that of all my many mistakes, she wasn’t one of them. That I didn’t choose her but she chose me, and for that I’ll always be grateful.

Then I will say, listen: no one ever taught my mother to love her babies, but somehow you taught me. You are the reason I am not like her, just like you will never be me. Every generation is a new life. A new chance to get things right.

Now it’s your turn. Your story begins and ends with you.



Acknowledgments


Writing is solitary work, but bringing a book into the world is a team effort. Deepest thanks and undying gratitude to everyone who helped guide this book from story spark to finished novel, especially:

My agent, Nikki Terpilowski, who read so many drafts of this book that I’ve lost count. Thank you for being my toughest critic and fiercest advocate. We make an awesome team.

My editor, Laura Brown, for embracing this idea and helping me give Charlotte the story she deserved. My stellar team at Park Row Books, publicist Emer Flounders and all the talented and dedicated folks working behind the scenes in the art, marketing and sales departments. I’m so thankful to be part of the Park Row family.

My early readers and cheerleaders: Kristy Barrett, Tonni Callan, Laura Drake, Andrea Peskind Katz and Annie McDowell. Thank you for your enthusiasm and guidance and friendship.

Authors are some of the kindest, funniest, smartest, craziest, most creative people I know, and I am honored to call many of them friends. A.F. Brady, Emily Carpenter, J.T. Ellison, Rea Frey, Wendy Heard, Amy Impellizzeri, Hannah Mary McKinnon, Mindy Mejia, Kate Moretti, Abbie Roads, Kaira Rouda, Joan Swan, Wendy Walker and so many others, thanks for the cocktails and laughs and brainstorm sessions, for being such amazing and brilliant partners in crime. Y’all make this bonkers business so much more fun.

I am blessed with a network of family, friends and loved ones by my side: my husband, Ewoud, who lets me talk about murder over dinner and still wants to sleep next to me at night; my kids, Evan and Isabella, who talk me up to their friends and face my books out at bookstores around the world; my parents, Diane and Bob Maleski, and brother Mark Maleski, who schlep hundreds of miles to come to my events and buy books I would have given them anyway; my girl gang Elizabeth Baxendale, Christy Brown, Lisa Camp, Nancy Davis, Scarlet Grootens, Angelique Kilkelly, Jen Robinson, Amanda Sapra and Raquel Souza. Your love and support means the world.

And most of all, thanks to you, the person holding this book. Thank you for reading my words and talking about them with your friends, for taking lovely pictures of my covers and posting them to the internet, for writing reviews and Tweets and blog posts. Because of you, I have the best job in the world.