Straight Up Love (The Boys of Jackson Harbor #2)(71)
My heart twists. “Everything’s so confusing right now. I think you’re great and I know you’d be an amazing father. But the truth is, I didn’t really think about the consequences of our plans.”
“Consequences?”
“If we have a baby together, there will be consequences for that child. For you. If you found someone and it didn’t work because of me, because of a favor you did for me, I couldn’t live with myself. I’m sorry I never thought it through.”
“You’re worried about me?”
His shock makes me shrink in shame. Of course he’s only thinking of me. Because he’s Jake. I swallow back the emotion that’s trying to bubble into my voice. “You give me more than I deserve and I . . . I’m going to try to be better. To take less of you.”
“I never asked you to take less,” he says under his breath. “Never.”
“I know. You wouldn’t. That’s why I need to do better and not let you give so much.” Emotion is a ball of cotton in my throat, suffocating me. I feel like I’m breaking up with him, and that’s so ridiculous because we’ve never been together. Not for real. “One day, you’re going to find someone who’s as awesome as you are. Someone you want to spend your life with.”
He lets out a sardonic laugh and shakes his head. “You think I haven’t already found her?”
I stare at him, hope building inside me even as I try to push it down.
“Christ.” He pushes his chair back and stands then tugs me out of mine. “Come here.”
He draws me against his chest, and in the next moment, his hands are in my hair and his mouth is on mine. I’ve wanted this since the moment he walked out of the hotel room, and feeling his mouth on me now is enough to make all my worries disintegrate.
When he pulls away, he holds my face in his hands and meets my gaze. “I want you. I’ve spent the last few weeks trying to make you see me as more than a friend for the first time in our entire lives.”
“But you . . . I thought . . .” I can’t seem to put words together, or even thoughts. “I know we’re attracted to each other, but what about our friendship?”
“Christ, Ava, I’m in love with you. So in love with you that I stood by your side while you married another man. So in love with you that I can’t move the fuck on until I know without a doubt in my mind that you don’t feel this too. I’m pretty sure I was born in love with you, and every moment we’re together, this thing I feel becomes more of who I am.” He shakes his head slowly and scans my face. “I don’t want to scare you away, but I can’t pretend anymore. I want you, and if you think there’s any chance . . .”
“I want you too.” I nod wildly. “I love you, and I want . . .” A shudder moves through me. “I’m terrified, Jake. You’re the best thing I have, but I want more.”
He pulls me to his chest and kisses the top of my head. “We’ll take it slow. Okay? As slow as you need.”
Ava
“What kind of health food do you have on the menu tonight, Jake?” Teagan asks with a wry grin.
“I was going to serve a nice kale salad with chicken breast, but then I remembered I don’t serve food that tastes like punishment and self-loathing.”
“Hardy-har-har,” she says.
This afternoon was Veronica’s baby shower. Nic arranged for a sweet little party at Ethan’s house where we spoiled the big-bellied woman with all the material things she’ll need for the next several months. It was the first time in years I can remember going to a baby shower without an ache of longing in my chest. Finally, I believe everything is going to work out as it should. Time will get me there. With Jake.
The mother-to-be was exhausted after her big day, but the rest of us wanted to hang out more, so we came to Jackson Brews and claimed our favorite booth at the back.
“For you,” Jake says to Teagan, “I’m offering deep-fried Oreos with ice cream and hot fudge. And if you ask really nice, I’ll dig up a Twinkie to put on top.”
“Is he kidding?” Teagan asks, looking around the table. “I honestly can’t tell if he’s kidding.”
Shay rolls her eyes. “He’s probably only half kidding.” She turns to her brother. “What’s on the menu, Jake? We’re hungry.”
“Doing street tacos tonight,” he says, pulling a few folded menus from his back pocket.
Brayden has given Jake lectures on more than one occasion about how profit margins would go up if he’d keep a fixed menu, but Jake doesn’t like to do things Brayden’s way. Brayden says it’s because Jake hates money, but the truth is Jake takes pride in his rotating menus and would be bored by the monotony of standard pub fare.
“Oh, these sound so good,” Shay says.
“Agreed,” Teagan says, then shakes her head. She points to a description while scowling at Jake. “Avocado is perfect just as it is. There is no reason to deep-fry it.”
Personally, I’ve had the taco with the deep-fried avocado and the drizzle of cilantro ranch, and as sinful as it is, once you’ve tried it, you can’t blame Jake for serving it. Heaven. “I’ll have two of the Avocado Ranchers,” I say, grinning at him.