Straight Up Love (The Boys of Jackson Harbor #2)(40)

Jake pushes into the kitchen just as I’m dunking the bites in the bubbling oil. He looks at the sheet tray then at me. “Rough night?”

I wrap my arms around my middle. “Nothing a little fried cheese and honey can’t fix.”

“I’ve got barbecue bacon donut burgers on the menu tonight.” Jake leans against the counter. “Want me to put one together for you?”

I open my mouth to say no, but then shrug. “That actually sounds amazing.”

He throws a patty on the grill next to me and studies me as it fries. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“About how my dad is a dick and probably an alcoholic, or about how I’m thirty years old and still can’t reconcile my desperate need for approval from a selfish prick?” I pull the basket out of the frying oil and shake it.

Jake’s expression softens. “Both? Either?”

“No thanks. Maybe another time. Tonight, I just want to eat my feelings, if that’s okay.”

He hesitates a beat then nods. “Plate of feelings, coming right up.”

Jake has many specialties, but this Saturday night menu item is a local favorite—a bacon cheeseburger with frizzled onions and barbecue sauce, served on fresh glazed donuts from Ooh La La! Tourists always say it sounds gross, but then they order it anyway, too curious to pass, and always clean their plate.

I put my goat balls in a wax-paper-lined basket and drizzle them with locally sourced honey—the closest thing this whole kitchen has to “health food.” Next to me, Jake puts together my burger, and my panic dissipates in the shadow of his calm. He grounds me. Always has. Even when he was a ten-year-old boy who made fun of my pigtails, he always knew what to say—or not say—when I was upset.

The day my Dad moved out, I held my chin high all evening. I had to put on a strong face for my mom, who was devastated. She went to bed early that night, emotionally exhausted. After she fell asleep, I snuck outside and climbed into the tree fort in Jake’s backyard. I was crying when Jake found me there, but he didn’t say anything about my tears. He sat cross-legged on the plywood floor beside me and handed me a box of those things that snap when you throw them at the ground. We didn’t say a word to each other, just sat in the fort and tossed them at the floor.

He knew exactly what I needed then, and has so many times after.

“Cindy’s got the front covered,” he says when he plates my burger. “Want to eat this in my office?”

I nod, grateful that he understands I’m not up for chatting it up with the barflies tonight. “I’m going to grab a water from the cooler. Want one?”

“Sure.”

I get the bottles, and Jake carries my burger to his office. The space is utilitarian—a couple of desks, a computer for bookkeeping, and two tall filing cabinets. Jake keeps it meticulously organized, and the surfaces are clean and clear of the miscellany that clutters my home office.

I pull a chair up to his desk, and he sits on the opposite side, propping his chin on his fists and watching me.

“Do you want to share this with me?” I ask.

He shakes his head. “I already ate.”

I look down at my food, then up at him. “Why are you staring? Did you poison the food or something?”

He shakes his head. “No, it’s just that you rarely eat my cooking anymore. I thought maybe you’d grown an aversion.”

I snort. “I wasn’t blessed with your wicked-fast metabolism, so I can’t eat your food very often.” I lift the donut burger to my lips and take a bite. My eyes close as I chew and swallow. It’s the perfect combination of sweet and salty. “Dear God, Ellie’s right.”

Jake frowns as he brings his water bottle to his lips. “About what?”

I grin. “She says you put the come in comfort food.”

He chokes on his water. “Really now?”

“It’s orgasmic,” I say around another bite. Because so good. Swallowing, I nod. “I think she’s right. In fact, we don’t need to be awkward about having sex together, because you’ve already cooked for me. There’s no sex act in existence that’s better than your calorie-laden pub food.”

“That sounds like a challenge.”

“It’s not a challenge. It’s a fact.” I shrug. “I’m sorry if that hurts your ego, but the food is just that good.” Leaning across the desk, I hold the burger up to his mouth. “Tell me you don’t think so.”

He holds my gaze as he takes a bite, catching my fingers lightly between his teeth before he pulls back.

A flash of heat whips through my belly, and I can’t take my eyes off him as he chews—the way his jaw works and the movement in his throat as he swallows.

I’m totally lusting after my best friend.

He flipped some switch in me last night, and now I’m seeing him with different eyes. That makes me nervous as hell. I never want Jake to fully understand how bad I am at sex, but if we keep heading down this road, he’s going to. It’s not that I don’t know what to do. I have the mechanics down, thank you very much. I just struggle to stay out of my own head. I can’t give myself fully to the moment—as I demonstrated so awkwardly last night.

I’m still holding the burger between us when he dips his head again, but instead of having another bite, he takes the burger from my hand and puts it on the plate. He holds my hand in his and draws my index finger into his mouth.