Stone Cold Fox (82)

Could I even love a baby?

In theory, of course. When asked, always. But would I really?

I didn’t know.

I tried to look on the bright side. A child would only increase my value within the Case family, per my prenuptial agreement. More security was never a bad thing. Having a baby was a sound choice, a solid progression even further into the family, and on that note, even more of a reason for Collin to never leave me. Now I wouldn’t only be his wife, I’d be the mother of his child. That was forever.



* * *



? ? ?

STRANGELY, THE FIRST person I wanted to tell was Syl, but we were obviously on the outs since our last tête-à-tête. No scandalous story ever did come to pass. She quit Collin’s office rather unceremoniously. When he asked me what I knew about it, I said we had kind of lost touch after the wedding. Drifted apart. Happens all the time. He didn’t hear any alarm bells. Oftentimes, less is more when lying.



* * *



? ? ?

COLLIN JOLTED UP from the sofa when I casually dropped the news that day. We’d just finished dinner and were figuring out what to watch on TV, a whole production of at least twenty to thirty minutes before actually making the decision. A pregnancy announcement certainly mixed things up. He’d had no idea what was coming, and I admit that I enjoyed the element of surprise. The feeling of being in control, about to drop a real bomb, unbeknownst to others. Further, I knew Collin would be a good dad, able to pick up the emotional slack where I might not be able to so our child would have a shot in hell at feeling normal, like they had normal parents.

“Wait, are you serious?” Collin had a face like it was Christmas morning. How could our reactions be so opposite? Another reminder that I wasn’t the normal one in the relationship. Too much like her at the core. I felt ashamed again.

“I am.” I nodded at him happily because that’s what Bea Case would do. He scooped me up from the couch like I was a baby myself, twirled me around and planted a huge kiss on me. “I know we weren’t actively trying, but it happened. We haven’t even talked about children. I take it you’re interested?”

“Interested?!” Collin laughed, believing my blasé commentary was merely lighthearted jest. “I’m thrilled! You’re going to be the most amazing mother.” Collin said it with such confidence that I wanted to believe him, but how could he know? “I love you.”

“I love you, too,” I said automatically, as I always did.

“Do we have to go to the doctor, or how does this all get going? We have to call my parents. Oh my God, Bea. I’m so excited. Are you so excited?”

“So excited.” I mustered up a smile, poking him playfully to put me down. I was looking forward to sharing with the family and the whole coterie of clowns, including Gale Wallace-Leicester. Surely a pregnancy would throw a wrench into any of her as-yet-unseen retaliation efforts. A baby really firmed up my stake in this new world. The mother of a Case child? Talk about untouchable.

Maybe this would get Gale to give up.

But it could also get her to try even harder . . .

No. Shake it off, Bea.

With a baby, you’ll be golden.

“Wow. I mean, holy shit, Bea. I’m going to be a dad.” Collin let the realization wash over him, sitting back down slowly as he said the most disturbing thing of all. “I hope it’s a girl.”

“Why?” I asked him.

“Because girls love their dads.”

“And what about their mothers?”

“You know what I mean, Bea.” He laughed.

I did.



* * *



? ? ?

I ABSOLUTELY ABHORRED pregnancy. It truly was the most atrocious state of being. I was completely miserable. Between the state of my gigantic body and the seemingly daily expansion of my thighs coupled with my anxiety at becoming a real mother to an actual baby, I must have been a complete hell beast to be around. But Collin never faltered as the doting husband, eager to announce our happy news. It was decided by Hayes and Haven that a public spectacle would be the best way to move forward, addressing the idea with their old friends, Archie and Plum Gerhardt. Excellent. Archie and Plum were celebrating their thirty-fifth wedding anniversary with a party on a megayacht in the Hamptons. All of Haven and Hayes’s friends would be there. The hosts were thrilled with the idea. Not terribly surprising. The olds loved to be involved with the youngs and our happenings. Something to keep living for in their advanced age.

I was thrilled by the idea as well because I wanted to see Gale Wallace-Leicester’s face when she received our happy news. There would be no avoiding her at this party. Sure, Collin wasn’t spending time with her anymore, but I knew their paths would cross at social gatherings. And what a dreamy reunion this would be. Another stake in her heart. She might quite literally turn to dust. It wasn’t a planned attack, but it would feel like one and I didn’t want to miss her reaction in real time.

She had been so quiet the past few months.

Perhaps too quiet.

The Cases were sworn to secrecy about the pregnancy, and I believed they were taking it seriously. I’m sure it pained Haven not to share with Nora Wallace-Leicester, but I reminded her that it would be more prudent to announce after we had passed the twelve-week point. “I’m not superstitious,” I told her. “But better safe than sorry.”