Stone Cold Fox (100)
“I don’t want her to hurt you.”
Syl looked fearless and committed to her promise, but she really didn’t know what Mother was capable of. Still, Syl laughed in the face of such a threat.
“I fucking dare her to hurt me again.”
“Syl, you can’t just—”
“One other thing.” She smiled. “I dumped John.”
I could only smile back at her. So she wanted to be more like me, too.
* * *
? ? ?
I WATCHED SYL leave, on her mission, still flummoxed by her revelation and worried sick for her future. She didn’t know Mother like I did, but if she continued down such a vengeful path, she certainly would. Syl would need me, no matter what she said about being the big sister. She wouldn’t be able to take care of Mother alone. We would need to do it together.
We would need to be a team.
* * *
? ? ?
COLLIN AND I began opening presents together. It was easy to get caught up in the excitement of becoming parents. It had been so abstract until that moment. Little miniature clothes and onesies and shoes, all sorts of blankets and cloths and towels and diapers in the faintest shades of yellow, green, pink and blue, bottles and pacifiers and sippy cups, soft and cuddly stuffed creatures, seemingly the entire animal kingdom represented. The baby wasn’t even here yet and they were so loved. I had felt removed from my body for so long and I don’t know what came over me, but I became just the slightest bit excited for the baby, regardless of my cellulite production being in maximum overdrive.
Calliope was in charge of gift time against her will and looked relieved that we were coming upon the last one. Petite and pristinely wrapped, the final offering was placed in my hands. Wrapped in silver with a little pink bow. It was small and thin. I opened the card first. Glitter. Pink. Little woodland creatures parading about.
The interior was unsigned, bearing only a small note in perfect penmanship: For your own bunny.
I knew she’d show up that day. She always did. She always would. Until the end. A sharp pain flashed across my chest. Fleeting, but forceful. I let it be. Let it pass. A moment of pain. A lifetime really. My physical body had always felt that specific hurt from her so much harder, that Mother wound, that push and pull of my heart, that pernicious interpretation she had of love, but now my mind could overcome it with enough focus, with enough will, with enough strength.
I had it all.
So I proceeded to open Mother’s gift.
Ah, yes.
Of course.
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
Thank you to my incredible agent, Rachel Kim at 3 Arts. I’ve never had a creative partner quite like her. She knows exactly when to push and when to praise and she’s without a doubt made me a better writer. Also, Luke Maxwell and Katie Newman at 3 Arts are an absolute dream team. I’m just delighted we’re all working together.
Thank you to my fantastic editor, Jen Monroe at Berkley. She really understood Bea (and me) from the very beginning. It was such a treat to get Stone Cold Fox all sparkly and ready to go under her watchful yet loving eye. I knew Jen was the one when she had the most macabre guess about the mysterious ending. A girl after my own heart! Also, thank you to the whole wonderful team at Berkley, including Catherine Barra, Fareeda Bullert, Craig Burke, Candice Coote, Jeanne-Marie Hudson, Chelsea Pascoe, Claire Zion, and everyone who had a hand in getting this story into the world. I’m so very appreciative.
I saw the cover for Stone Cold Fox for the first time on St. Patrick’s Day, a wink to how lucky I am. I literally screamed with delight at the electric chartreuse font, the chic mani and enviable profile with a full pout in front of me. It was Bea, and the cover is beyond my wildest dreams. Thank you to designer Vi-An Nguyen for making the book look so sexy, like a Vogue cover.
Thank you to all of these marvelous friends, early readers and overall hype men and women for their astute feedback and enthusiasm as I wrote this novel: Kit Koller, Jenny Gaiser, Sheila McCrink, Liz Mansholt, Michael Marino, Claire Burgart, Brad Milison, Maria Dirolf, Rachel Crouch, Ryan Wineinger-Schattl, Becky Flaum DelGuercio, Nick Kilgore, Nina Steffel, Whitnee Ferrer, Spencer Berry, Dajana Buonaguidi, Michael Calabrese, Carli Haney, Karina Rahardja, Adam Schwartz and Ali Levin, Rozy Boswell and Julian Landau-Sabella, Coral and Eli Edelson, Nitasha and Sameer Patel, and Ryan “TR” Mansholt.
Special thanks to Kinsey Wilder and Jordan Fox for the fun and fabulous photo shoot. I’ll never forget the mini–leaf blower moment for as long as I live.
Thank you to Mrs. Mary Foskett, the teacher who changed my life and always treated me like a real writer from a very young age.
Thank you to Dolores Koller for instilling in me a love of all things clever and to Gloria Lesniak for doing the same with all things glamorous. They are my two sweet grannies, who always made me feel smart, funny and cherished.
Now I must share that I have a whole wonderful family who have all been very supportive of my writing from the very beginning and always told me I was great at it and to just keep going. It’s truly miraculous. I have zero impostor syndrome because of them. The “self-esteem team” remains very strong; we’re a confident bunch! So thank you to the Kollers, Petrovics, Lesniaks and Tomasellos. And thank you to my new family-in-law, all of the lovely Landaus and Crofts, who go out of their way to make me feel like a star, especially Amy and Gary Croft.