Spy Games (Tarnished Heroes #1)(45)



He turned, his tongue sticking to the top of his mouth once more. Damn, she was a sight.

“What? Is something wrong?” She frowned at him.

“No, nothing, sorry.” He cleared his throat and caught the eye of the ma?tre d’. “They’re ready to seat us.”

“Were you able to get the table?”

“No.”

He grimaced and led Sarah forward with a hand on her back, one finger stroking bare skin. He’d picked the dress because it fit in with the Customers Who Bought This Also Liked… section of the website. He hadn’t really spent time doing more than picking out a size that was more or less right.

Man, he’d picked well.

The restaurant was nearly full. The ma?tre d’ seated them at a small, out of the way table, almost on the other side of the dining room from the Chinese delegation.

He took the chair facing their targets while Sara could only face him.

They were left to peruse the menus on their own.

“Well, this was a bust.” Sarah sighed and leaned back in her chair. She’d swept her long, dark hair up into some sort of fancy twist.

“Not necessarily.”

“What can we possibly hope to learn sitting here eating— Oh my God. We can’t eat here. This is crazy. Did you see what they charge for—”

“Sarah.” He tugged the menu from her hands and set it aside. “Don’t worry about it. Here.” He took her hands in his and waited her out until she looked him in the eye. He smiled. “Hi.”

“I’m freaking out and you want to be cute?” Her brows lifted and she stared at him.

“No, I want you to take a deep breath—”

“I am being calm.”

“Good. Now, how do you like your steak cooked?”

Sarah rolled her eyes and sat back—or tried to. He kept her hands captured in his. “Medium rare,” she replied finally.

“Good.” He lifted her hands to his lips, grazing her knuckles.

Her expression softened, and heat flickered in her eyes.

She felt it still, that force pushing them together.

He’d ignored it growing up, but he was losing sight of why he should now. Yeah, Matt likely hated him for leaving like he did, even if he didn’t blame Rand for the accident. But they didn’t know if they were going to survive today, much less this week. Why deny the cosmic pull between them? The way he saw it, turning a blind eye made this a hell of a lot more contentious than being up front with each other. At least then they both knew what the stakes were.

“What are we doing?” She set her elbows on the table and tilted her head to the side. Direct. To the point.

“I’m not sure.” It was the truth, but not the whole truth.

“Should we stop this?”

“Should we?”

“I don’t know.”

“Why should we? Sarah, where you’re concerned, I’ll always be biased. There’s no way around that. The way I see it, we can either ignore what’s happening, or we can accept it. Use it.”

“What’s happening?” Her throat flexed.

“Come on, Sarah. You know what I’m talking about.”

She glanced down at the table, her cheeks pink.

He’d been painfully honest with her earlier, but she hadn’t really heard him. The shock of learning about Charlie’s death was too sudden. Too sharp. Yeah, he was jealous of a guy pushing daisies, but Rand had her now. He wasn’t inclined to let her go. Ever.

Thinking like that could get them killed.

Shit.

He sat back, letting her hand slip from his.

Somewhere along the line, he’d lost his ability to be objective. His focus was slipping. Because Sarah was here. Because when it came to her…she’d always been forbidden fruit.

He scrubbed his hand across his face, letting his gaze wander the restaurant.

They couldn’t change the path they were on. He couldn’t roll back time and tell himself to not take what Sarah offered, because he wasn’t that good of a man. But they could come to an understanding. This time, he could at least tell her that when the job was over, when they’d resolved this crisis, he was leaving.

He had a job to do, the same way she did.

“Did you know it was me you were writing those notes to?” They hadn’t discussed that, but he’d guessed at it. Now, he wanted to know.

“I had an idea that it was you. The handwriting was similar enough. Plus, I knew someone named Rand was out there. It…just made sense between what your parents wouldn’t say, you always being gone, too many coincidences.”

“Why, after all this time, would you want to talk to me?” That was still the thing that shocked him. He’d abandoned her, turned his back on her, cut off all ties, and yet…it hadn’t changed things. Oh, sure, she’d been pissed and hurt, but under it all, she cared for him. And he was going to leave her again when it was all over.

She lifted her shoulders and glanced away.

“You were such a big part of my life. I guess…I just wanted to hear from you. In any way I could.” Sarah found a spot to stare at, her eyes lost in memory.

Rand wanted to push the table aside, pull her into his lap, kiss her, show her just what was taking form inside of him. Living the way he did, it made him both careful and wild. He couldn’t let an opportunity to seize the moment pass. If he did, he’d regret it for the rest of his life. Like he did that moment he’d walked out of the hospital determined to remove himself from their lives, that it was better this way.

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