Small Great Things(152)
I look to Francis, the way I have, well, for years. He taught me everything I know about hate; I would go to war beside him; in fact I have. I step back, waiting for Francis to let loose with his famous rhetoric, to cut this bitch down to size as an opportunist who wants her fifteen minutes of fame—except he doesn’t.
He says the name of Brittany’s mother.
I do not know much about Adele, because Brit doesn’t, either. Just her name, and the fact that she cheated on Francis with a black dude and he was so furious that he gave her an ultimatum: leave him the baby and disappear from their lives forever, or die in your sleep. Wisely, she chose the former, and that was all Brit needed to know about her.
But I look at Brit’s long dark hair.
We see what we’re told to see.
She glances up, looking at Francis, too. “Daddy?”
Suddenly I can’t breathe. I don’t know who my wife is. I don’t know who I am. For years I would have easily said I’d knife someone black before I’d sit down for coffee with them, and all this time, I’ve been living with one.
I made a baby with one.
Which means my own son, he was part-black, too.
There’s a buzzing in my ears that feels like I’m free-falling, dropped from the airplane without a parachute. The ground, it’s rushing up at me.
Brittany stands up, turning in a circle, her face pinched so tight it breaks my heart. “Baby,” Francis offers, and she makes a low sound, deep in her throat.
“No,” she says. “No.”
Then she runs.
—
SHE IS SMALL, and she is fast. Brit can move in and out of shadows, and why shouldn’t she be able to? I mean, she learned, like me, from the best.
Francis tries to get the Lonewolf.org members who’ve been at court in solidarity to help us search for Brit, but there is a wall between us now. Some have already disappeared. I have no doubt that they will discontinue their user accounts, unless Francis can do enough damage control to stop them.
I am not sure that I even care.
I just want to find my wife.
We drive everywhere, looking for her. Our network, invisible but wide, is no longer available. We are alone in this, completely isolated.
Be careful what you wish for, I guess.
As I drive, searching the far corners of this city, I turn and look at Francis. “You feel like telling me the truth?”
“It was a long time ago,” he says quietly. “Before I joined the Movement. I met Adele at a diner. She served me pie. She put her name and phone number on the bill. I called.” He shrugs. “Three months later, she was pregnant.”
I feel my stomach turn as I think about sleeping with one of them. But then, I had done that, hadn’t I?
“God help me, Turk, I loved her. Didn’t matter if we were out dancing halfway into the night, or sitting at home watching television—I got to the point where I just didn’t feel whole if she wasn’t with me. And then we had Brit, and I started to get scared. It felt perfect, you know? And perfect means that something’s bound to go wrong.”
He rubs his forehead. “She went to church on Sundays, same church she’d gone to as a kid. A black church, with all that singing and hallelujah shit—I couldn’t take it. I went fishing instead and told her that was my holy place. But the choir director, he started taking an interest in Adele. Told her she had the voice of an angel. They started spending a lot of time together, practicing all hours of the day or night.” He shakes his head. “I don’t know, maybe I went a little crazy. I accused her of cheating on me. Maybe she did, maybe she didn’t. I messed her up some, which was wrong, I know. But I couldn’t help it, she was tearing me apart, and I had to do something with all that hurt. You know what that’s like, right?”
I nod.
“She ran to this other guy for comfort, and he took her in. Jesus, Turk, I drove her right to him. Next thing I know she says she’s leaving me. I tell her that if she goes, it’s empty-handed. I’m not letting her take my daughter away from me. I say that if she tries, it’ll be the last thing she ever does.” He looks at me, bleak. “I never saw her again.”
“And you never told Brit?”
He shakes his head. “What was I going to say? I threatened to kill her mother? No. I started taking Brit to bars, leaving her in her car seat asleep while I went in to get drunk. That’s where I met Tom Metzger.”
I find it hard to imagine the leader of the White Alliance Army slugging a beer, but stranger things have happened.
“He was with some of his guys. He saw me get into my car, and refused to let me drive home when he saw Brit in the back. He drove us to my place and said I needed to get my act together for my kid. I was sloppy drunk by then; I told him how Adele had left me for a nigger. I guess I never mentioned that she was one too. Anyway, Tom gave me something to read. A pamphlet.” Francis purses his lips. “That was the start. It was so much easier to hate them, than to hate myself.”
My high beams cut across a train track, a place where Francis’s squad used to hold court, back when they were active. “And now,” Francis says, “I’m going to lose her too. She knows how to cover her tracks, how to disappear. I taught her.”
He is riding a ragged edge of pain and shock, and frankly I don’t have time for Francis’s breakdown. I have more important things to do, like find my wife.