Sin & Surrender (Demigod of San Francisco #6)(65)

“It was hard to say no to your mom. When I found out she was pregnant, I left, hoping she’d see sense. Then she sent me a picture of the ultrasound, proclaiming it was a girl…” He put his forearms on the table, bowing his head over them. “All those sons scattered across time, but you’re my first daughter. Something about that…” His eyes fluttered and he turned to Kieran. “There is something special about a little girl, you’ll see. Maybe it is because you hope they will take after the woman you love. Or maybe they are God-kissed, I don’t know.” He returned his gaze to me. “I made a deal with her. If she hid your lineage and kept you out of the magical world, she could keep you. I would not harm you—indeed, I’d forget you existed.”

“You helped me before Kieran exposed me to the world,” I said with a shaking voice.

“Yes. I’ve kept tabs on you, over the years. At first it was to make sure your mother kept her word. Then because I was fascinated that she wouldn’t take any money. I’m sure it was because she didn’t want me in her life at all—she worried I’d eventually harden and fall into…old habits. And it might have happened, who’s to say? She lived a life of poverty to keep me at a distance. She kept you safe better than anyone else could.” He paused for a moment. “Even from me.”

“Did you know what she was all along?” Kieran asked, his plate finished and his hand on his stomach.

“No. I doubt even her mother knew. When you entered her life, Kieran, I watched much more closely. I saw her bud, I saw her magic flower, and then the truth was revealed to me.”

“Yet you didn’t try to grab her then.” Kieran wasn’t asking a question.

Magnus let out a breath and leaned back in his chair. “I will be honest with you… I have no idea why. Shell-shocked, maybe? Set in my ways? I didn’t know you’d move so quickly? Or maybe I thought it would be in my best interest if you defeated your father. Take your pick.”

Surprise flitted through the soul link but did not show on Kieran’s face. He hadn’t known there was beef between Magnus and Valens.

“I should have taken her, though.” Magnus pushed his plate away. A woman bustled in, starting to clear. He gestured at her. “Forgive me—I love cooking, but I hate cleaning up. She is oath-bound to silence. She cannot repeat anything she hears.”

“Why should you have grabbed her?” Mordecai asked.

Magnus studied Mordecai for a silent beat before answering. “Because I am the best equipped to train her. Given she has no interest in ruling, she would’ve been a perfect addition to my team. No one would begrudge me letting a Spirit Walker live. No one has. You all know why, of course. You’ve fought with her. Not even Zeus’s prized Thunderstroke can compare.” He rested his elbows on the table this time, steepling his fingers in front of his mouth. “I thought you’d eventually have to come to me when you hit a wall. I thought wrong. Please, Alexis, answer me this: who has shown you the way? I know it is not Aaron—he is losing his grip on sanity. Lydia…well. We know it is not her…”

I remembered there was one other Hades Demigod, though he wasn’t active in politics. He was old and removed from the fast lane. Maybe Magnus would think it was him. Whatever he thought, I didn’t plan on telling him the truth.

His eyes sparkled as they beheld me. “‘Secrets, secrets are no fun,’” he recited softly. “‘Secrets, secrets can hurt someone.’”

Cold bled through me. Did he know?

“Come. Let’s have some dessert and then hear more of that fine music. Who knew a Berserker could create such a melody? Perhaps you can join me in my study later. I have some pictures you might like to see.”

Dessert was probably delicious, but I couldn’t taste it.

Later, as Zorn sang in accompaniment to Thane’s playing, a sweeter melody than I’d ever heard, Magnus led me to his office with Kieran in tow. The leather-bound album he produced was filled with pictures of my life, starting in childhood. Many had been taken from a distance, and I recognized a few of the chaotic moments that had been captured. He’d been there, through all of that. He’d watched from a distance, taking snapshots of my life—or, more likely, having someone else do it.

In the very front, on the first page, was an ultrasound of a swimming white blob amid blackness. Under it was a note written in my mother’s scratchy hand proclaiming, It’s a girl!

I didn’t know what to say.

I didn’t say anything.

A fog settled over me as I tried to figure out where this left us. I wished the politics of the magical world weren’t standing in our way. I wished some of his past behavior had been different.

I wanted to ask him if he’d ever felt love for me as a father would his offspring, but I was too terrified he’d say no. Given the circumstances, I was also scared he’d say yes.

As the night drew to a close and everyone prepared to leave, Magnus pulled me aside.

“I must ask, Alexis. Who was the spirit you called today during your summons?”

I frowned at him, the question eating through the fog. “I didn’t call it. I didn’t recognize the presence, either, but it seemed menacing. It wasn’t another Demigod?”

He studied me for a long moment, and something flickered within his eyes. Something uncertain, if I wasn’t mistaken.