Silver Tears(24)

He looked like he was attempting to take his first steps out onto ice formed during the night to see whether it was strong enough.

“Chris. God, how do I explain who she was? We became friends at business school. She…she was a force of nature. Nothing was hard for her.”

“What happened? If it’s all right for me to ask…?”

They passed the Strandbryggan restaurant, which was in the midst of dealing with the evening onslaught. The young, beautiful, and distinctly inebriated all flocked there, surreptitiously checking out one another’s designer bags and false eyelashes and the Rolexes given to them to mark their high school graduation.

“She got cancer,” said Faye, raising her arm so that he could see her Fuck Cancer wristband. “It happened so quickly. But she had time to fall in love—with an amazing man who was perfect for her.”



“That’s still wonderful,” said David. “Finding love before the end. Isn’t that what we’re all looking for?”

They’d turned left, heading up toward the Nordic Museum and Junibacken.

David gazed out across the water. The Vasa Museum was just visible behind the trees—a peculiar monument to one of Swedish history’s greatest flops.

“Do you love her?” said Faye.

David looked at her quizzically.

“Who?”

“Your wife. Who else?”

David laughed in embarrassment.

“Well yes, I suppose I should have understood. After fifteen years together it feels like such a weird question. Love. Is that something you do after fifteen years, the daily grind, and kids? Does anyone?”

“That sounds pretty cynical.”

“Maybe. Or perhaps we were just wrong for each other from the start. If I’m being completely honest.”

He shook his head and turned away from her.

“That makes me sound so awful.”

“You don’t say.”

Faye linked arms with him as they approached Gr?na Lund. The delighted screeching from the rides was increasingly audible.

David cleared his throat.

“I don’t think it was ever about love. It was…well, I suppose it was something more practical. It was about ticking all the boxes. But feelings? I don’t know.”

He patted Faye’s arm.

“Are you offended?”

“No, not at all. People get together for a thousand different reasons. Few are privileged to truly experience love. Real love.”

“Have you?” he said, stopping.



Part of her wanted to avoid his gaze, to avoid answering. She heard the screams from the freefall tower—where people voluntarily went high up in the air to feel the tingle in their stomach as they plunged toward the ground. That was kind of how she experienced love.

“Yes, I have. I loved Jack. More than I thought I would ever love anyone. But that wasn’t enough. I wasn’t enough. And then Julienne came along. And that was a completely new kind of love. And it took over…”

Her voice faltered and she turned away. For a moment, she was overcome by all of it. Everything that the family had been subjected to. By Jack. And by her when she wanted to rescue them from him.

“I can’t even imagine what you’ve been through,” David said, and Faye shuddered—for a moment she had forgotten that he was there. “And to lose a child? Faye, I…I wish I could take away all that loss, but I don’t think anyone can do that.”

Faye shook herself. She forced away all the emotions and memories that clamored for her attention. If she let herself remember—or feel—she wouldn’t be able to take another step.

“It’s just good that you’re here,” she said. “That you’re listening.”

They continued to stand there in silence, the flashing lights of the amusement park in the background. Neither of them said anything for a long time. Then David reached out with his hand.

“Come on. Let’s head back.”

Faye nodded. They turned around and began to walk back toward Strandv?gen. Once they had passed Strandbryggan again, David stopped and turned toward her.

“Want a swim?” he asked.

“Here?”

“Yes, it’s a warm evening and we live in the Venice of the north. There’s places to swim everywhere you look. For example, right there.”

He pointed to a spot between two houseboats where a wooden jetty protruded into the water. Without waiting for her, he jogged over to it—the boats concealing him from Strandv?gen. He bent forward and untied his shoes. Faye looked around. There wasn’t a soul in sight. Traffic was sparse. David took off his linen shirt, jeans, and shoes. His socks. His underpants. His pale buttocks shone in the darkness and then Faye heard a cry that was followed by a splash. She leaned forward. Six feet below he was treading water and looking up at her.



“It’s cold but it feels good,” he reported. “Come on, jump in.”

Faye glanced over her shoulder and saw that the coast was clear. She took off her shoes and placed her dress next to the heap of David’s clothes but kept her underwear on. Then she took a deep breath before kicking through the air and breaking the water’s surface. She cried out with horrified joy. It really was cold.

They swam a little way from the shore and then stopped. They were treading water beside each other as they took in the lights of the city, shivering.