Siege of Shadows (Effigies #2)(94)
But then Saul appeared. I left my home, left my uncle, and yet despite the chaos, there were now people in my life, and suddenly it didn’t feel so barren. Running from city to city, completing missions, fighting monsters, escaping death. Always with them by my side.
And I . . .
“I don’t want to lose anyone.” I hastily wiped the tears dripping down my cheeks as Uncle Nathan looked on. “Not Belle. Not Rhys. Not anyone. I don’t want anything to change.”
“But, Maia.” Uncle Nathan held my hands to stop their shaking. “If this boy really did murder Natalya, even if it was because of impossible circumstances . . . it’s going to come out eventually. You can’t keep that a secret forever. The longer you hide it from Belle, the worse it’ll be when she finds out.”
“I know.” I gritted my teeth as the tears continued to fall. “I know that. But I . . . I just can’t. I hate myself.”
“There’s something else, isn’t there?” Uncle Nathan tilted his head, staring at me. “You have feelings for him too, right?”
My tears silently dripped onto his hands.
“I’m so sorry.” Uncle Nathan hugged me.
“Just judge me, please.” I shifted my head off his chest to free my voice. “Tell me I’m dumb, weak, stupid, selfish, delusional, a terrible role model, a terrible person, neurotic, overemotional, hysterical, whatever. Everything and anything you can think of.”
“That’s a lot of adjectives.” Uncle Nathan laughed softly. “But no, I won’t. This isn’t something I can judge. It’s not like I’ve ever been in your shoes. And to be honest, I wouldn’t wish your shoes on anyone.”
When I gazed up at him, the sight of his kind smile did give me a little comfort. I relaxed my shoulders with a quiet exhale.
“I don’t envy your burden, Maia. And I’m . . .” His voice broke. “I’m sorry that I can’t help you. You’re my brother’s kid, and I’m practically useless to you.”
“Never say that,” I told him. “Because it’s really very false.”
“Even still. This is a burden I can’t take from you. But I can tell you this.” Letting me go, he gently placed a hand on my head. “Secrets never stay buried. They always find a way to the light. Don’t let yourself be caught off guard. Soon, Maia. Even if it’s not today. Try to tell them.”
Two roads diverged. But neither path would lead me where I wished I could be. The whisper of dread passing through me, the quiet chill settling in my skin, told me as much. I was trapped either way.
“Please be careful,” I whispered before leaving him alone in his room.
23
IT WAS A LITTLE JET and a bumpy ride. It dropped us off just inside the city, but we refused a Sect van even though, technically, we were here on official duty.
Being on official duty, of course, had its constraints. Rhys had only bought us a few hours in Madrid, and even in the state the Sect was in now, it was still pretty strict when it came to loaning out its aircraft. That meant that we were on borrowed time; we were to complete our investigation by the end of the day and return to London immediately. The jet wasn’t even going to leave the tarmac.
Naomi wanted to see me by sundown, so as long as she kept it short, we could make the deadline, though I still wasn’t keen on having to go back to the facility. Disguised in the same ball cap and shades we all had, Belle rented us a car and we set off down the Spanish streets.
“Who knew you spoke Spanish?” said Chae Rin from the backseat, though it was one of the few comments any of us had made the entire trip. None of us was much in the mood for talking.
Belle had been in Madrid before and knew the way to Natalya’s apartment. She drove us through the city, the skies clear, the sun pleasantly biting. Madrid had not gone untouched by the influence of modernity and globalization. Popular brand-name coffee shops, stores, and restaurants were on every corner. But there were sights I wasn’t as used to. We drove past the Plaza de Cibeles square, the castle-like white marble structure stretching up into the morning. Gazing out the window, I watched the street vendors and performers pass in and out of view. People skated under the sun and under the safety of the APD outside the city: a tower at the top of which a giant kinetic structure of moving metal plates reflected a frequency that spanned over a hundred miles. It was too far away for me to see it from here, but I’d seen it from above when our jet had begun to descend.
Natalya’s apartment was close to a gigantic park, tucked away in the Salamanca neighborhood, packed with chic restaurants and outdoor bars. Belle knew someone who ran a rooftop bar nearby—not her friend, per se, but certainly Natalya’s. It was still morning, and the bar hadn’t opened yet. He was willing to let us stay in secrecy for a few hours while the bar was closed, but he warned us that we’d have to leave before the clients started streaming in at sundown. Well, that was our timeline to begin with.
“Are you okay?” I asked Chae Rin after following her to the roof. She was sitting at one of the many empty tables with a glass of water in her hands. Water. Huh. I’d expected she’d have taken advantage of the setting and gotten some alcohol. But Chae Rin didn’t seem like herself. She was slouched over the table, worry aging her soft, pale features as she stared into her half-empty glass.