Sicko(19)

“Where’s Louise?” I ask, wondering where the maid is. She always walked her old ass around our house doing all the shit my mom was supposed to be doing instead of shopping with her friends.

Mom sighs, putting dish after dish into the washer. “I let her go not long after you left. I didn’t want to make the same mistakes I did with you with Jade too.”

Her eyes go out to the front of the house where the excessive garage curves around. “She screamed for you every night for the first year, waking up in a sweat. Then it just stopped. Like she gave up.”

My lips pinch together. Wish I could say I gave a fuck, but I didn’t. I felt for the young Duchess, not the one that’s sitting her pert little ass upstairs now.

“Yeah, well, shit changed…”

Mom brings her hands up to my cheeks. “Don’t be a stranger. That’s an order. And when you’re ready, I’m here if you want to talk about whatever happened.”

“Sure thing, Ma.”

Not going to fucking happen.



After helping Mom clean up, I say goodbye to them both and then head out to my bike. Swinging my leg over my Dyna Glide, I kick start her to life and listen as she rumbles underneath me. Putting a cigarette into my mouth, Jade’s bedroom light catches the corner of my eye. The only light that’s on on that level. I blow out a cloud of smoke.

One day soon, your ass will be sitting in my clubhouse, and it won’t be by choice.





“Are you happy that we’re finally attending the same college?” Sloane mutters, pushing her sunglasses over her eyes as she floats on top of the water, courtesy of our inflatable unicorn. We had plans to go out tonight, but I squashed them after Royce’s appearance a few days ago. He has thrown me off balance.

“I am.” I kick my legs in the water to get farther away from the edge.

She removes her glasses, her eyes gazing up to the big house behind me. “This place gives me the creeps.”

I shrug. “You’re not alone. Shall we go get food?”

“I seriously just can’t wait to get the fuck out of San Francisco and back to LA.”

I laugh, splashing her with water. “It’s not that bad…”

But she’s right. I can’t wait either. We both climb out of the pool and grab our towels, and I wrap one around my body before squeezing the excess water from my thick, long mane. I let it grow out a lot longer since Royce left. I don’t know why, but his name is stuck inside of my brain and isn’t leaving. Not that it left at all in the past four years, but it simmered. Somewhat.

“Okay, so. I know you don’t want to talk about the trio, but did you watch Orson’s game last night?”

My mind drifts into outer space at the mention of one of my brothers.

I nod, popping off the lid to my water bottle and taking a sip. “Never miss a game.”

“Man, he is amazing. And sexy as fucking ever—an—”

“—almost married.” I glare at her with narrowed eyes. Orson is about to marry India from school. Twist of fate, she ended up being the daughter of the cook his father hired, which was why she had appeared at the party that night. Apparently, they got into the same school too. Cute. For some people, it just works out.

Sloane groans, stomping her foot as we make our way back into the house. “Is he really though? I mean, just because they’re having a child together, I don’t see why they have to get married.”

I shake my head, scolding Sloane. “He’s literally in love with her. He tells me all the fucking time, and she is a good woman. Stop it. Drop Orson.” One, because I don’t feel like talking about him in the sense that it’s bringing back thoughts of seeing Royce just the other night, and two, I’ve only just started talking with Orson and Storm again after they left to go on with their lives. They didn’t want to leave me so soon after Royce, but it’s not like they had a choice. They had to move on with their life and do what they needed to do. I’m not sure either of them could really help me anyway. I loved my brothers, but I was certain that having them around would only intensify the pain that Royce inflicted with his absence. Like constant reminders of what I had and lost.

“Fine.” Sloane snickers, kicking my door closed behind herself while making her way to the duffel bag that’s at the end of my bed. “But text Matty to see what he’s doing, since I’m bored. We need to have a final SF drink because I’m never coming back here.”

After Royce left, I was a shell of the girl I once was, and I don’t think I’ll ever find a home there again. My friends did their best, but the best didn’t help when all I wanted was him.





“Come on, Jade!” my mom yells from downstairs. “We’re going to be late if we don’t get on the road right now. It’s a long drive.” I love my Mom. I agreed to stay behind and do my first year at Stanford after she had her first panic attack. It took a while for me to convince her that she wasn’t losing “both” her kids and that attending UCLA was always my end game. I wanted to be with Sloane and to branch out away from The Bay area. She came to the idea eventually, but was adamant that she was driving me.

“Coming!” I holler, throwing my backpack over my shoulder. I take one last look around my bedroom. The dark purple walls aged into a burned lilac; the bed unmade. I won’t miss it at all. Memories flash through my head.