Ship It(26)

My stomach drops. I just went from internet nobody to Big Name Fan in nothing flat. I didn’t really think about the fact that this might happen, but there’s no turning back now. I steel myself and scroll through my mentions. They’re a mess of people wondering who I am, what’s going to happen, and what it means for SmokeHeart fans that one of their own was selected for this. They’re sharing the video of me from the panel asking my question and then leaving the hall in tears after Forest’s smug answer. They’re wondering the same thing I’m wondering: is this purely a coincidence, or is there a connection between me asking the question and me winning? A lot of the messages are supportive, but some of them think I should never have bothered Jamie and the cast with my ship. Some of them think fandom should stay in fandom, and canon should be canon, and never the two shall meet. Some of them think I’m an “entitled teenage bitch.” Some of them think I’m a hero.

I have two thousand new followers.

Hands shaking, I log out.

So. Now everyone knows who I am and they all want different things from me. But what do I want?

First of all, I don’t know if I want to get on a bus to Portland in the morning with the entire Demon Heart team, including Forest Reed. I’ve already put myself out on a limb once, and he shot me down. Do I want to do it again?

Maybe some of those Tumblr people are right. Maybe I should let fandom stay in fandom. I never asked to win this prize. Although, deep down, I know that it can’t possibly be an accident. Whoever’s in charge over there, that Ms. Greenhill woman probably, figured out who I was and decided I would make a better ally than enemy. And now I’m just taking their little handout like a patsy? They probably think they can woo me with a bunch of VIP experiences and Rico’s dreamy eyes and I’ll do whatever they want me to and say whatever they want me to.

So what do I want?

I want SmokeHeart to be canon. I want a SmokeHeart kiss on the show. And I want the whole world to see it. There’s a whole community of fans who want the same thing, including Tess. But none of them have the access I have. I can’t just throw away this chance. I’ve been given the tools to actually make a difference. How can I put them down and ignore them just because Forest Reed might laugh at me again?

Whatever. I don’t need his acceptance. I just need him to do his job: act what’s in the script.

And who writes the scripts? Jamie Davies and his team of writers.

So that’s it, then: I’m going to be the one to convince Jamie Davies to make SmokeHeart go canon.


At the crack of dawn the next morning, I’m rolling my suitcase across the hotel lobby, following my mom. Through the glass doors, I can see the charter bus waiting outside. Forest hands his bags to the driver to put underneath the bus and climbs aboard. I’m really doing this. I’m really getting on a bus with Forest and Rico, and I’m going to pretend that’s super normal.

When we get to the bus, Mom says, “Now, I gotta sit up front or I’m gonna get carsick and nobody wants that. You sit wherever you want, okay?”

“Yup,” I say as she hands her bags to the bus driver.

“Okay, honey bunny. I’m excited!” she says, and climbs the stairs.

As I hand my bag to the driver, I hear the thwick-thwack of running flip-flops hitting the pavement. I turn and see Tess rushing toward me. A smile spreads across my face so fast I can’t stop it. She’s wearing a charcoal-gray jumpsuit that looks really classy while also seeming really comfortable. I try not to dwell on what she looks like, since this might be the last time we speak.

“Holy shit, heart-of-lightness!” Tess says, a little out of breath, finally catching up to me. “I caught you!”

“I was hoping to run into you again!” I say.

“I literally cannot believe you won this contest. I literally… I can’t even!” She gestures broadly, taking up the space around her with her excitement.

“I know, me neither,” I say.

“Are you nervous?” she asks, and at first I think she means am I nervous to be talking to her, which is ridiculous. What, just because I found out she’s pansexual? That doesn’t make me nervous.

“You know…” she says. “Like, what all are they going to have you doing?”

I realize she means am I nervous about the trip. Of course I’m nervous. I’m about to get on a tour bus with Forest and Rico. What if I say something wrong? What if I fart? What if Forest decides to humiliate me publicly again? Anything could happen.

“I’m always nervous,” I say, and she laughs.

“My whole dash is talking about you, by the way. You’re, like, famous now.”

“Yeah, I, uh, noticed that,” I say.

“Is that weird?”

“So weird,” I say. “But it’s going to be worth it if I’m going to get anything done.”

“What do you mean?”

“I decided last night. I mean, I’m closer to Jamie Davies on this trip than any fan has ever gotten. I have the chance to convince him to”—I lower my voice—“you know, make SmokeHeart canon.”

She furrows her brow at me. “What?” she says. “Why?”

“What do you mean, why? I thought you shipped it.”

“I do, but I’m not going to tell Jamie Davies what to do with his show.”