Shakespeare for Squirrels: A Novel (Fool #3)(43)

“Pointy Beard?”

“Aye, but why would he kill the Puck?”

“The Puck could be a right shit,” said Cobweb. She bowed her head. “May his memory shine like the stars ’til the end of days.”

“Right,” said I. “But Egeus is just a toady in Theseus’s court. There’s no reason for it.”

“Well, it wasn’t a fairy what did it.”

“Obviously, the sun was up when the Puck was killed, so that leaves out you lot. Wait, if the sun was out when he was shot and the Puck was a fairy, that means he wasn’t a squirrel?”

“The Puck could be anything at any time. Take any form. A shape-shifter of the first order was the Puck. There was no one like him.”

“But still, it couldn’t have been a fairy because you are all squirrels in daylight, right?”

“Yes, but also it wasn’t a fairy because we’re shit at killing each other, aren’t we? We live a long time but few of us are born, so if we were good murderers there wouldn’t be any of us at all.”

“But—and I don’t belabor this to be difficult—during the day you are fucking squirrels.”

“Not Titania.”

I stopped. “The queen of the bloody night does not change shapes like the rest of you?”

She stopped. “She’s different.”

“Obviously so.”

“She’s taller.”

“She’s not bloody taller. She’s a bit better kept, but she’s the same size as the rest of you. More of a nutter, I suppose.”

“Among my people, calling someone a nutter is a compliment. Moth is a smashing nutter.”

“I am,” said Moth.

“The squirrel is strong with this one,” said Cobweb.

“I don’t mean it that way,” said I.

“I am simple,” said Peaseblossom.

“We know, love,” said Cobweb. “It means someone who is good at remembering where they’ve hidden their nuts.”

“Fine,” said I. “She’s a nutter of the first rate. Do you think she killed the Puck?”

“I don’t know, I wasn’t tending her that day.”

“Squirrels— Your people, I mean, tend her during the day? As squirrels?”

“Aye. She’s a goddess, isn’t she?”

“So we could just go back and ask the fairies who were with her on the morning the Puck was killed if they saw the murder?”

“Aye, if you want.”

“Then let’s do that,” said I.

“Pocket, you daft dog pizzle, she’s probably already killed one fool, do you want to give her another go at a second one? Fine, but I have become trifling fond of you and I shan’t watch you slain.”

“Perhaps not,” I said, thinking she might have a point. But once again, what was the why of it? I said, “Why would Titania wish to harm the Puck? Especially that morning when he was on his way to Theseus on an errand for her?”

Cobweb shrugged. “It makes as much sense as Oberon killing his own jester, yet we are on our way to his castle to ask him.”

“Do you imagine he’ll confess?”

“Oh my, yes, and then he will change Bottom back into a man, and give you the love potion for Theseus, and I shan’t be surprised if he lays a banquet for us, has his goblins bathe you in rosewater, and personally wanks you off in thanks.” She nodded at me, her wide eyes doubly wide to show just how bloody earnest she was.

“Sarcasm will make your tail fall off,” said I.

She feigned alarm and lifted her frock as if to check for a tail, then wagged her bottom at me. “Oh, blast! You’re right. Oh woe!” She bumped her naked hip against me, then scampered ahead to walk with the others.

“Squirrel!” I called, but was paid no mind.

I trod on a bit behind the others, and as I watched Peaseblossom twiddling the tongues on Moth’s hat of many tongues, I recalled Rumour’s parting chorus: “The passion of the Puck lies with the prince.”

“The boy!” I called to Cobweb. “The Indian boy in Titania’s charge, does he change into a squirrel at daylight?”

“No, he is mortal.”

But his ears were pointed. I’d seen them up close. Had Titania killed the Puck to protect the boy for some reason, perhaps from Oberon? The shadow king had banished her from the castle over the boy. If she had sent the killer, it would make sense she would blame Oberon for the Puck’s murder as misdirection.

I hurried to Cobweb’s side. “Were you with Titania when she fetched the boy from India?”

“No, none of us were. We don’t leave the forest except to steal from the mortals.”

“So no one knew this boy’s mother? No one was there for her death, nor the travels Titania says she had with her?”

“Only the Puck. When they traveled far it was always with the Puck.”

“They?”

“When Titania and Oberon travel the skies, of all the fairy and goblin people, only the Puck is—was—allowed in their company.”

“So no ships? No carriages, horses, elephants?”

“Maybe elephants,” said Cobweb.

“She traveled to India on a cracking huge gray animal, taller than a house, with great fan ears, tusks, and a long nose made for grasping?”