Shadow Wings (The Darkest Drae Book 2)(77)
Judging by Tyrrik’s slow even breaths, he was asleep already. Kicking him a few times to let him know how I felt was tempting, but Ryn the Peacemaker held me back, curse her. I’d wait until he woke up again and kick him then. Ryn the Peacemaker seemed to be just fine with that.
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, letting the scent of pine and crisp mountain air ground me though the faint smell of old smoke interrupted the serenity I was trying to achieve.
“Did he lie to you?” Dyter whispered as he approached, unaware his lumbering gait was plenty loud enough to wake the Drae. Though . . . Tyrrik looked pretty out of it after flying all day.
I kept my eyes closed and released a slow breath. “No. Not really. Tyrrik isn’t an outright liar. He deceives by omission.”
Dyter brushed needles and bits of dried vegetation off a flat rock before taking a seat. He patted the space next to him. “That doesn’t make it any easier than a true lie when you’re on the receiving end. Not in my experience.”
I snorted. “Understatement of the year.” I sat down next to him and leaned into the familiar warmth of his thick body. “Is this where you’re going to give me sage advice that will solve all my problems?”
I’d meant the words as a joke, but in truth, I did want him to tell me what I should do. My mind felt cloudy and thick with the churning in my head. How had I ever craved adventure? Adventure sucked big time. I wanted to go to the girl I’d been and have a serious talking-to with her, maybe smack her around a bit. Dwelling on what-ifs wasn’t really in my nature, but right now, I couldn’t help thinking that if I could change one decision in my past, I would do it in a heartbeat.
“I’ve never pretended to have the answers for you. You’ll have to live with whatever decisions you make, not me. There are plenty of decisions that still haunt me, most especially when I’m worn out. But, my girl, in the morning, things won’t look quite so bad.”
“That’s all you’ve got?” I chuckled darkly. “Get a good night’s sleep? I feel like my life’s being decided for me, but I should just have a kip?” My eyes were heavy as was my heart. I knew it was too much to demand advice, especially on something he couldn’t truly understand. But he was Dyter.
He took a breath, and my body was moved by his inhalation and then again as he exhaled.
Dyter cleared his throat, and I peeled my eyelids open to give him my attention.
“I’m not going to tell you how to sort this out with Lord Tyrrik; that’s between the two of you. But I want you to have an honest think about this mate business from all angles. I know,” he said, holding up his hand to stop my interruption, “I don’t understand all of it. I don’t even want to. But have a think. You didn’t get to choose your mum either, right? You didn’t get to choose who she was, but you did choose to love her though you didn’t have a choice initially because you knew she was yours and she knew you were hers.”
I bristled. “You’re over—”
“Oversimplifying, I know,” he said with a wave. “I’m not saying you should be okay with deceit. That breeds distrust, and distrust will destroy any partnership or alliance: mated pairs, businesses, or kingdoms.”
I frowned as I thought through his words. “So you think I should—”
Dyter shook his head. “I’m not telling you what you should do. I want you to think, Ryn. You need to have realistic expectations of what might happen between the pair of you, and be clear on what you want.” He turned and looked at me. “I’m going to oversimplify again, okay?” When I nodded, he continued, “Think of how many times in a single day you told your mum you were sorry.”
I grimaced. Not nearly enough.
“Love doesn’t mean you’re perfect. Loving someone doesn’t mean you don’t screw up. In fact, I’d say the more you love someone, the more time you spend with that someone, the more you’re going to have to say you’re sorry. Love means you say sorry sooner because when you realize you’ve hurt someone you truly love, you want to do whatever you can to make it right.”
I shifted on the rock, tucking a few of the wispy dress panels under my butt and legs while I digested Dyter’s wisdom. I felt I wasn’t fully understanding his words. They made sense on a surface level. He was saying that when you were in love, you wanted the other person to be happy. “You think I owe Tyrrik an apology?”
Like that would happen.
Dyter grinned. “I think you owe me an apology.”
“You’re still hanging onto the burned soup incident, aren’t you?” I asked. Then seriously, I said, “I’m so grateful you’re in my life, Dyter, and I’m sorry for all of the times I might’ve been a brat.”
Dyter wrapped his arm around me and pulled me to him. He planted a loud kiss on top of my head and then rested his cheek on my hair. “Thank you, my girl. And I apologize if I’m grumpy sometimes.”
“Just sometimes?” I asked. At his scowl, I mumbled a hasty, “Thank you. Apology accepted.”
He patted my knee. “When you’re done having a think, you might also consider having a talk with Tyrrik. You don’t lose the power to choose whether or not you want to be with him and whether or not to love him if you’re just talking.”