Secret Heir (Dynasty #1)(83)
I should’ve stayed clear of him when he told me that he didn’t want me, that he couldn’t want me, that none of this could ever matter because apart from the not wanting me part, the rest of it is still true.
“What happened to you this weekend?” Dani asks, as we settle into first period, thankfully not a class that I share with Raph.
“I tried calling and I texted you a few times because you seemed kind of upset when you left the Fall Ball on Friday.”
I consider lying, but I decide against it, because Dani is my friend, the first one I’d made in this place and I want to confide in her.
“Oh, Dan,” I sigh. “So much has gone down since then.”
Dani looks intrigued and she raises an eyebrow expectantly.
I tell her everything that happened, and although I keep my voice down so only she can hear, she’s far less subtle with her exclamations.
I keep the bedroom parts brief, but I can still feel my face burning once I’ve finished.
Dani is silent for a long moment.
“So, Raph really went down on you? More than once?” she asks finally.
“Dani!” I cry out in frustration. “Is that really the only part that matters?”
“Hell yes, it is,” she replies quickly.
“You are one lucky girl,” she adds. “I don’t think there’s a girl here that wouldn’t love to swap places with you right now.”
“Well, they’re welcome to because I have no idea what to do with this mess,” I reply, covering my face with my hand.
Dani’s face turns somber then.
“I don’t know what you should do either. I mean, it’s great that Raph finally came out and admitted what everyone with eyes and ears has known since that first day you stepped on campus. More than great.
“But you’re right—it’s way more complicated than that. Raph isn’t just any guy—he’s a Dynasty heir, the heir to the goddamn throne. He’s up to his eyeballs in obligations and duties. He’s been raised in a certain way, taught to disregard what he wants for the sake of his Dynasty, what his throne needs him to do.”
“Thanks, Dan, that makes me feel a hell of a lot better,” I grumble. She’s speaking with such knowledge and conviction, that some part of me wonders if she’s maybe talking about more than just Raph here, if maybe it’s the same for Lance, but to a lesser extent.
“What I mean is, Raph must really feel something fierce for you if he’s willing to step out like this.”
“But what if it’s just another piece on the side for him. He told me that he and Layla have this sick understanding where he basically gets to screw around with whoever he wants, but none of that changes who they are to each other. She’s his betrothed, Dan. Everyone expects them to be together and one day, she’s going to be his queen.”
I feel the stabbing pain at my chest when I say the words out loud, and the realization of what I’ve just gotten myself into crashes over me like a tidal wave.
Dani’s face softens as she covers my hand in hers.
“If you really believe that you’re just another piece on the side for Raph, then you wouldn’t have let all that happen between you this past weekend. No way, Jazmine. I know you. I know that you believe there’s something more to it than just that.”
I did, one hundred percent, believe that on Friday night but now … now, in the cold light of day, I’m not so sure.
“I don’t know anything anymore,” I say then.
“Okay, well don’t jump to conclusions until you do know for sure,” she says and I can make myself agree with that at least.
My resolve to keep an open mind quickly wavers when Raph walks into my second period class with Layla on his heels. The sight of them together used to make my stomach twist, but now it makes me feel so completely sick, that I’m finding it hard to stay seated at my desk. Because all I want to do is get the hell out of here and as far away as possible from the sight of Raph and Layla together.
The realization that I felt crashing over me earlier, returns with a vengeance. What the hell had I been thinking, letting myself get involved with Raph? A guy who, a few months ago was solely responsible for making my life a living hell, a guy who is clearly betrothed to the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen in real life and who, coincidentally, hates my guts.
My eyes land on Layla’s all too perfect face and I can almost imagine her with a crown on her head, sitting beside Raph’s throne—his queen. That is who she’s destined to be, and me? I’m nothing more than just another foolish girl who let Raph into her panties. It’s my own fault, though, because I knew what I was getting myself into. I knew that I was way out of my depths with this guy, that his promise to break me was no idle threat because even if I do now believe that it isn’t his intention, it doesn’t change the fact that I know, deep down, that he will.
There’s no other way this could end. I don’t know anything about dating or even hooking up with guys. My total inexperience means that Raphael St. Tristan does indeed have the ability to break my na?ve little heart, if I don’t start seeing sense this very second.
I force myself to face that painful reality and school my face blank, despite the churning in my gut.
But when Raph’s vivid blue eyes lock onto mine, that reality wavers, because although I search for any sign of regret, I don’t see anything of the sort. Instead he’s looking at me as if I’m the only person in the room, hell, maybe even the only person in the entire universe. Dani isn’t in this class with me, but if she were, I know she’d be throwing me one of her pointed looks right now.