Savor You (Fusion #5)(37)

“Exactly. I’m the same. I’ve worked hard for years, and I’ve been rewarded handsomely. I don’t want to retire. But it’s okay to slow down a bit, isn’t it? To actually enjoy what I’ve earned?”

“I don’t see why not.”

“I mean, I could make Portland home base, and if I get called for guest appearances, I can travel. And who says I have to stay in show business? I could teach.”

“Wait. Back it up. You want to stay in Portland? Talk to me, Cam.”

I look up at the ceiling and rub my fingers over my lips. “Mia’s pretty incredible.”

“Are you . . . What are you doing, exactly?”

“You don’t want to know what, exactly, we’re doing.”

“Yuck.”

I laugh and then shrug. “Am I stupid?”

“Yes.” Her eyes are full of humor and love as she smiles at me. “Okay, you’re not really stupid. But I need more information.”

“When it comes to Mia, I’m just . . . well, I’m enamored by her. She makes me laugh, she challenges me. She’s so beautiful.”

“You’re falling in love with her,” she says, and I pause.

“I care about her.”

“I know, Camden Sawyer doesn’t use the L word.” She rolls her eyes and sighs deeply. “But that’s what this is, Cam.”

“Am I stupid?” I ask again.

“Why are you asking me that?”

“Because I’m investing a lot of myself into this again. I couldn’t stop myself if I wanted to, Steph. It’s as if I’m supposed to be with her. But I also can’t help but wonder if I’m just a chump. I mean, she could run again. Maybe not tomorrow, or even next week. But there could come a day when I come home and she’s gone. And I don’t know if I would survive it again. I hate how weak I sound saying that, but it’s true.”

“Have your communication skills improved?” she asks gently. “That’s never been your strong suit.”

“Just because I don’t tell everyone that I love them all the time doesn’t mean I don’t show them that I care. Actions speak louder than words, remember?”

“A woman needs the words, Camden,” she says. “Whether you believe it or not, she does. You didn’t say it long ago, and she thought that meant that you didn’t care if she stayed or left. It’s as simple as that. I’m not saying you should say it if you don’t mean it, but if you do mean it, what’s the harm? Why is it so fucking hard for you? I tell you I love you all the time, but I don’t think you’ve ever said it back to me.”

“Of course I love you,” I reply with frustration. Tears spring to her eyes, and I feel like a grade A asshole. “Steph, you know I love you.”

“But there’s nothing like hearing it,” she replies. “I don’t know how Mia feels. I have no way of knowing what’s going on in her head. Could she bail? Sure. Anyone could, Cam. You really need to talk to Mia about this. Especially if you’re considering a move to Portland. I wouldn’t do that until you’ve defined what this relationship is.”

“I would marry her again tomorrow,” I reply truthfully. “She’s an exceptional woman.”

“I’m happy for you,” she says. “I truly am. Maybe the time is right now. Maybe you both needed to grow up and experience some life so you’d appreciate each other even more when you finally found each other again.”

“Now you’re making it sound like a movie.”

“Hey, I like a good rom-com.” She smiles. “Since the job thing isn’t a financial issue for you, and it really is all about this woman and what may or may not come of your relationship with her, you need to have a conversation. You might even have to use the L word, Cam.”

“Yeah.” I sigh and push my fingers through my hair again. “You’re right. You know, I don’t know why it’s hard for me to use that word.”

“I’m not a shrink, but I suspect it has to do with Mom and Dad dying. And some people are just not good at using their words.” She shrugs. “I don’t know. But if you’re going to be with Mia, you’re going to have to tell her how you feel.”

“Okay. Thanks for listening, Dr. Steph.”

“You’re welcome. Keep me posted. This is better than TV.”

“I’m happy to entertain.” I end the call and glance at the clock. Mia still has a long workday ahead, and I want to talk to her right now. Not gonna happen. So instead I head to the gym for the first time in more than a week to work off some of my aggression, and figure out what I’m going to say to Mia later tonight.



I haven’t seen Mia since this morning, and I miss her. Today was productive, however. I spent two hours at the gym, and I felt better than ever when I was finished. No more skipping exercise.

I caught up on laundry and paid bills. I spoke with my CPA.

I received a call from a woman that I casually dated for a time in L.A., and had the unpleasant task of telling her to not call me anymore.

She wasn’t pleased.

I didn’t give a fuck.

And then I got to work baking Mia’s favorite cheesecake and ordering flowers to be delivered to the restaurant.