Save Me from Dangerous Men (Nikki Griffin #1)(88)

Last night was everything I wanted. You were perfect.



The pen was nice. I kept it. I poured myself a glass of champagne. The ice was mostly melted but the bottle was still cold. I went out to the balcony and stood watching the city and thinking about what I was going to do next. Wondering if I’d get through the next day.

I closed my eyes, seeing the cabin, the broken windowpane, the woman on the floor. I hadn’t kept her safe. I hadn’t protected her.

The odds were against me, but finally I understood what I was up against.

Now, maybe, I could redeem myself.

I opened my eyes.

All in.





41


I found an all-night diner on Van Ness where I drank coffee and ate scrambled eggs, thinking about that first diner, over a month ago, where I had met Ethan. I wondered if he’d called me since our conversation. I got up and used the diner’s phone to check my voice mail. Nothing from Ethan, but there was a new message from Jess. It had been left an hour earlier and her voice was plainly stressed. “Nikki, it’s your brother. Get over here when you can.” I hung up with a stab of guilt. I shouldn’t have left Jess with Brandon for that long without checking in. The Care4 case was affecting me.

It was late enough that the roads were empty. It took me barely fifteen minutes to get back into the East Bay. The wind was fierce and as I swept across the luminous Bay Bridge I could feel the gusts tugging and pushing at the motorcycle. The hotel was in Emeryville, a nondescript city wedged between Berkeley and Oakland. One of the ubiquitous chains found off every freeway in the country. Nothing compared to the five-star place I had left earlier that night. No ornate marble lobby or bartender pouring cocktails. A young night clerk in a wrinkled blue shirt slumped behind a glass window off the side of the empty lobby, his head resting on a paperback, eyes closed. The spine was turned toward him so I couldn’t make out the title. Next to a stained table with an empty coffee urn, a rack of bright brochures offered discounts on local theme parks and haunted houses. I found the elevator and creaked up to the second floor at about half the speed of climbing a staircase. Jess was sitting in a chair by the bed.

“How is he?”

She nodded toward the bed. Brandon lay on top of the twisted sheets, naked except for a pair of boxer shorts. He was soaked with sweat and very much awake. Jess’s voice was tired. “I’ve never seen someone go through withdrawal before. I keep wondering if I need to call nine-one-one. I’ve been taking his temperature every hour—he’s running a high fever but it’s not climbing anymore. Thank God for Linda being a doctor. She’s come by twice today to check him, take his blood pressure and heart rate.”

“I’ll take over,” I said. “I shouldn’t have left you with him this long.”

“You’re sure?” She couldn’t hide the relief in her voice.

“Of course. I’ll stay with him tonight.”

“Okay.” She grabbed her jacket and bag, pausing. “Have you found anything more? The first of November—it’s in two days, Nikki.” She checked the clock, seeing it was well past midnight. “Technically, one day.”

I tried not to sound irritated by the reminder. “I know, I know.”

“Shouldn’t you go to the police? If something does happen and you didn’t warn people when you could have…” Her voice trailed off. She didn’t have to finish the sentence. We both knew what that would mean for me. Morally, and quite possibly legally.

“I have it under control. Don’t worry.” The words were pushing hard at my aversion to mendacity. I knew I shouldn’t even be in the hotel room. The moment I left Silas Johnson’s hotel I should have been on my way to the FBI. I told myself I hadn’t gone to them because my evidence hadn’t exactly been obtained in a manner that would hold up in court. Regardless of whether we shared goals, I didn’t particularly feel like confessing to Mr. Jade and Mr. Ruby that I had drugged a lawyer to steal confidential client documents. I had no interest in ending up as collateral damage in their quest to take down Care4. Besides, law enforcement was bound by rules. Search warrants, subpoenas—all kinds of judicial paperwork that took time we didn’t have. Shutting down Care4 on November 2 wouldn’t do much for the people who would die on the first.

There was something under that rationale, though. Something I was less comfortable admitting even to myself. Something darker. Something I knew was in me, even if I didn’t like it.

They had killed Karen Li. Tried to kill my brother. Tried to kill me.

My battle with Care4 had become very personal.

I didn’t want the FBI to come in and sweep things up.

I wanted to do it myself.

For almost my whole life I had been wrestling with this part of myself. Trying to control my reactions when sometimes it felt so much easier just to give in. I didn’t know which way was right. I didn’t know whether it was normal to be more frightened of myself, of what I might do, than anything out there. I didn’t know …

“… okay?” Jess was asking.

“Okay?” I had missed most of what she said, and assumed she was talking about my brother. When I looked up, though, her eyes were on me. Her face was worried and she was watching me closely. “Are you okay?” she asked again.

“Of course I’m okay. What do you mean?”