Ruthless Empire (Royal Elite #6)(66)
“It doesn’t look like guilt.” Her voice is gentle, emotional. “It looks like you want to grieve but can’t. It was the same at the funeral, right?”
I have no words to say, so I remain quiet, letting her interpretation soak in. How could she know me so well?
“It’s a black day to me, too, Cole. My parents decided to split up on this day ten years ago. People say it gets better, but it never has. I still feel that loss and it hurts, but I grieved. Why don’t you try it?”
How can you try something you’ve never felt? I don’t even know what grief means.
A crazy idea hits me and I voice it before thinking about it. “Jump with me, Butterfly.”
“Jump with you where?”
“In the pool.”
“Now?” She stares between me and the water. “But it’s freezing.”
“Are you a coward?”
“No.”
“Then do it.”
“Fine —”
Before she can finish her reply, I grab her by the arm and we both jump. The splash of the water mixes with Silver’s gasp before we go under.
Down…
In blood.
The water is blood.
Red engulfs me in his clutches. A black hand pulls at my ankle, yanking me to the bottom. I don’t fight it. I can’t. If I do, he won’t let me go. If I do, he’ll just grab me tighter. He’ll tell me I’m a monster and that I should —
Two hands touch my cheeks — soft, tender hands — and guide me to the surface.
Silver.
Her golden hair is wet, sticking to her temples, and her frantic, bright eyes search mine. Her palms are still around my cheeks as her body moulds to mine under the water. Only our heads are on the surface level.
The water’s still bloody, but it’s slowly returning to that blue colour. There’s no hand pulling me under into nowhere.
“What is wrong with you? You scared the shit out of me, Cole.” She pants. “Are you okay?”
I wrap my hand around her nape and take claim of her lips. I kiss her in gratefulness. I consume her as my form of thanks.
Silver wrenched me from the water, not only now, but also ten years ago.
My chaos.
My damnation.
27
Silver
“I’m off!” I run down the steps, juggling my bag and the containers.
“Darling,” Helen calls after me, carrying my thermos. “You forgot the tea you made.”
“Oh, right. Thanks, Helen. You’re the best.” I hug her and slap a loud kiss on her cheek.
I feel like a cheater whenever I’m with Helen or with Mum. Why can’t I have both mothers?
She waves at me as I step out of the house. “Be careful, darling.”
“And you go write.” I usher her inside. “Deadlines, Helen. Deadlines.”
She smiles, joy sparkling in her eyes. “I’m going, I’m going. You’re worse than my agent.”
I wave at her again, grinning as I place my overnight bag, the thermos, and the food I spent the entire morning making — or rather, helping Helen make — in the passenger seat of my car.
When I’m about to head to the driver side, Papa’s car comes to a slow halt near mine. Derek gets out to open the back door, but Papa beats him to it.
Running to him, I wrap my arms around his waist. “Papa, have you had a successful party meeting?”
“Aside from Cynthia challenging every point I suggested?” He strokes my hair. “Sure.”
“I’m sorry.”
“That’s just her and she’ll never change. I’m starting to think she’s double-crossing us using the Labour Party.”
“You know she’d never do that. Your principles run in her veins.”
“Only when I don’t voice them.” He watches me. “Are you going over to hers?”
I nod slowly. “I’m spending the weekend.”
“Do you have to? You can always stay. There are no custody laws that we need to obey now that you’re an adult.”
“She’ll just end up coming here.”
“Let her,” he says in a dispassionate tone. “We can continue the debate.”
“Papa.” I stroke his jacket. “I want to spend time with her. She’s my mum.”
There might have been times in the past when I disliked her choices and her decisions and what she turned me into, but as I grew up, and after I saw her in that tub, I realised just how fragile Mum actually is. Deep down, she’s being this strict with me because she doesn’t want me to end up as a shell like her, no matter how proud she is that I look like her.
“I understand.” Papa kisses my temple. “Do you know why she’s been grumpier than usual lately?”
“I don’t know.” Mum would kill me if I said something to him about her personal life.
That day she slit her wrist, she made me swear not to humiliate her and said that she’d do it again if I disrupted our oath. I cried as I begged her to go to the hospital. She didn’t, because that would have humiliated her and put her name in the headlines.
I watched her suture herself by following online tutorials. I’m pretty sure she had an infection, but she self-medicated with antibiotics and tranquilisers. She did everything herself and refused to have any medical staff take a look at her.