Ruthless Empire (Royal Elite #6)(26)

Did I mention that I like creeping under her skin? It’s the only time when she’s not putting on a fa?ade and letting out her genuine emotions. It’s just anger, but it still counts.

The change in her patterns lately hasn’t escaped me. She lets her father’s driver pick her up early. She doesn’t go out late and she’s been having that expression when reading her messages sometimes.

It’s hardly noticeable since she’s mastered hiding her reactions.

Aiden sure as hell doesn’t pick up on it — or care enough to.

He fucks girls he literally doesn’t remember the names of. She’s aware of this. She caught them once, but she just threw his jacket at him and told him they had a fundraiser to attend.

Aiden is nowhere near her ideal. I know because she writes about that in her journal.

And yes, I read her journal whenever Sebastian invites us to dinners at his place.

Surprisingly, she doesn’t write much about me except. I hate him. I wish he wasn’t Helen’s son.

That makes two of us.

She calls Aiden a pig and says how much she can’t stand him on almost every page, but she’s still with him anyway.

The other time, I told him I’ll accept all his challenges if he breaks off the engagement with Silver.

“It’s not a child’s play, Nash,” he said. “Jonathan won’t let me.”

“You want me to believe you’re afraid of your dad?”

“No, but I know how to pick my battles with him.” He grinned. “Why, Nash? Are you finally admitting your black heart actually has a spot for another human being?”

When I said nothing, he continued, “Or are you being a doting older brother who’ll come at me with an axe if I hurt his sister?”

She’s not my sister.

But I didn’t say that so he wouldn’t latch onto it and perhaps even tell her. I’ve been using that taunt to make her go crazy.

Mum and Sebastian are still dating, and considering the latter’s commitments and Mum’s writing schedule, I say they’ll break it off soon.

They care about their respective careers more than emotional balance — especially Sebastian.

Since he’ll undergo important general elections soon, I have no doubt that both of them will call it quits. Mum doesn’t like the flashing of cameras and attention, and she won’t let them label her a politician’s wife. Now that they’ve had their adventure, each will go back to their respective world.

And that’s when Silver will be mine.

This time, I’ll swallow her so much into my chaos, she’ll never find a way out.

Aiden says something and she laughs. Fuck them.

I stand up and tell Levi, “I’ll be right back.”

He nods and I go through the back entrance and stand on the porch that overlooks the tall trees in the forest visible from here.

I retrieve a cigarette, light it, and take a drag. It tastes like shit, but the nicotine allows my brain to loosen up a little and stop being stuck in its messy chaos.

It’s the only addiction I allow myself, although I just smoke once or twice a week or when the chaos gets too tangled.

Ronan says I’m addicted to books and I should seek therapy, but fuck him. He’s only literate because his father is an earl. No kidding, he’s the type who’d say, ‘How do you read this shit? There are no pictures in it.’

Reading is one of my defence mechanisms to not get caught up in the world. The world makes me think of worldly things, like that night, and I hate that night.

So I redirect my thoughts to the one thing I didn’t hate about that night. The girl with a butterfly pin and a doll.

Silver wrote in her journal about it.

Cole saw me cry today. He didn’t hug me as Xander does to Kimberly whenever she cries. He wanted to leave, the tosser.

But he told me divorces happen and that Papa and Mummy will probably be happier apart.

I hate that.

Cole also told me his secret. He wants to be my first. I told him, I’ll only do that if I’m his first too. Otherwise it’s not fair.

Papa says to always negotiate so it’s fair.

And now, Papa and Mummy won’t be together anymore. I can’t stop crying.

Why did they get married if they don’t want to be together?

Why did they give birth to me?



And yes, I recall every entry I read. I usually memorise anything by reading it once. I took special care of her journal. Now all her words, her vents, and her confusions and fake personality are integrated into my head.

When I grow old and my memory starts demanding to delete files to be able to remember others, I’d choose her stupid journal over books by philosophers and psychologists any day.

Chaos.

She’s fucking chaos.

I step out into the night and through the trees. Twigs crush under my boots and I ignore them as I continue on my way.

The moon is bright in the sky tonight despite the freezing weather. I left my jacket inside, so I’m only in my uniform’s trousers and shirt.

I arrive at the small lake beyond the trees and stand at the edge of the deck, staring at the moon’s reflection in the calm water. I don’t know how long I remain there. Something about it is bugging the fuck out of me.

It’s not red.

How come it’s not red?