Run To Me (Lazarus Rising #4)(11)

Jay’s mocking laughter escaped him. “Oh, sweetheart, you think the super soldiers cornered the market on dark emotions? Trust me, I can be plenty dark.” He spun on his heel, turning away from her. “Go to bed, Willow. You’ve been through hell tonight.” Because of him.

But she didn’t walk away. The scent of lavender lingered in the air. “You’re mad at me?”

His hands clenched into fists. “Mad doesn’t cover it. Try pissed off. Enraged. So shit-faced furious I can barely breathe.”

“Why?” Her hand was on his shoulder. “I saved your life!” Now she sounded angry, too.

He didn’t turn back to look at her. Her touch seemed to burn right through him. “I don’t want you hurting because of me.” Not ever. Jay pulled in a deep breath. He was trying so hard to make things up to her, but he was failing at every turn.

“Would it have been better to let you die?” Her voice rose a bit. “Because that sounds like a terrible plan to me. We both know I’m the indestructible one. We both know—”

“You should go to bed, Willow.” His voice was guttural.

She didn’t stop touching him. “Why aren’t you looking at me?”

Because he was fighting to keep his control in place. Fear and fury had merged inside of him. His emotions were never in full check when she was near. And he kept thinking about their kiss. About the way she’d gone wild when he’d tasted her.

When he’d touched her, even though her blood had been on his hands.

Jay glanced down at his hands. Saw his clenched fists. The cops had taken his clothes. Bagged them as evidence. He’d even had to give them Willow’s ball gown. Now Jay wore jeans. A t-shirt. And the thin t-shirt was no barrier to him. He swore he could feel her touch right against his skin. “Stop.”

“Stop what?” She’d inched even closer. “Why won’t you look at me?”

“You should stop touching me.”

She sucked in a sharp breath. “I’m sorry.” Her hand jerked back.

He finally turned toward her. Saw that she’d paled. Her eyes were—what the hell? Was Willow about to cry? He reached for her, but she immediately backed up.

“I forgot,” Willow said. A tear leaked down her cheek. “I forgot, but you didn’t. You don’t ever forget, do you?”

He had no clue what she was talking about.

Willow lifted her hands and stared down at her fingers. “I touch and I make people afraid. Make those terrible fears that lurk inside seem to turn into reality. I wonder what it was like before. When I could touch someone and nothing would happen? When I could just be normal?”

“I’m not fucking afraid when you touch me.” His voice was low. Angry.

Her gaze flew up to his. “But you told me to stop touching you.”

Not because he’d been afraid. “Because I want you.”

She shivered.

“You understand that, Willow? I want you. And it’s not some easy, controlled attraction. I crave you. When you touch me, my control nearly shatters. You’re not ready for what I want. Hell, you made it clear last night that you didn’t want me—”

“Not true.”

He blinked at her denial. In the elevator, she’d been the one to stop him. Because she couldn’t ever get past what he’d done with Lazarus.

“I kissed you before, didn’t I?” Red tinged her cheeks.

She had kissed him, but—“You’d just woken up from the dead.” His jaw hardened. “Your emotions were out of control. You weren’t yourself.”

“Hard to be yourself when you don’t really know who that is.” Her weak smile nearly broke his heart. “Am I the monster? The killer?”

“Willow…”

“The damsel in distress? The fighter? The lover? The traitor? All of the above and everything in between?”

His back teeth were clenched so hard that his jaw ached. “You’re a woman, Willow. A beautiful, smart, strong woman.”

Her gaze slid from his.

Fuck me. “We’ve been over this. I’m the one who pumped the money into Lazarus. You said it yourself.” He waved toward the door. “Go upstairs. Go to bed, Willow. You don’t want to be close to me right now.” He was trying to warn her, while he still could. His need for Willow was far too strong.

She turned away from him and slowly made her way to the door. Before leaving, though, she paused. “I know what you did. All your secrets.”

No, she only thought that she knew them all.

“And, Jay, I don’t want you fucking me because you feel sorry for me.”

He laughed. Actually just burst into laughter.

Willow spun back toward him, her blue eyes flaring wide. “Are you laughing at me?”

“Oh, sweetheart, you have that so wrong.” He shook his head, but Jay’s smile lingered. “Let’s be clear. I want to fuck you because you’re the sexiest woman I’ve ever met. You star in every single dream I have. I look at you, and I ache.” He exhaled and rolled back his shoulders. “Sorry isn’t what I feel for you. You can stop worrying about that.”

He saw the surprise appear on her face. Her expression softened. Her breath hitched. She took a step toward him.