Right Where We Belong (Silver Springs #4)(32)

She slanted him a glance. “You didn’t tell Eli?”

She was testing him; he could hear it in her voice. “No.” Now he was glad he could say that.

“I guess it doesn’t matter either way. There’s no avoiding the fact that I was married to a serial rapist.” She kicked a pebble across the drive. “I’ll never be able to escape it.”

“How’d you get a divorce so fast?” He was under the impression their breakup had been as recent as Gordon’s arrest, only a month ago.

“The divorce isn’t technically final,” she admitted. “But I’ve filed. The marriage is over. We’ll never be together again. And if Gordon gets convicted, he won’t be able to contest it. The paperwork will go fast from there.”

“What if he doesn’t get convicted?”

“I can’t even think of that right now.”

Gavin could understand why. As hard as it would be to have a husband who’d raped three women and been sentenced to prison, it would be harder still to have a husband who’d raped three women and gotten away with it. Then Gordon would be around to fight the divorce and/or pursue custody or visitation. And how could she let her children go with him on the weekends if there was even a small chance it wasn’t safe? “But is it a possibility?” Gavin persisted. “Even a remote one? Or is the case too strong?”

She leaned back to stare up at the sky. “Anything’s possible, I guess. The police seem to believe they have an open-and-shut case. But the lawyer I hired to defend Gordon—some expensive bigwig by the name of Howard Detmer—told me it was winnable.”

“Is that what you wanted to hear?”

“At the time. I thought he was innocent.”

“And now?”

She rubbed her forehead. “I’ve changed my mind.”

Gavin told himself to ease off with the nosy questions. This was obviously a difficult subject. But she didn’t sound completely convinced of where she stood, which surprised him. “I take it he hasn’t confessed.”

“No. That would make things easier, of course. But when I look back, I see certain warning signs despite what he has to say.” She rubbed her palms on her thighs. “Maybe that’s why the past month has been so hard. I let everyone down, especially the women he attacked, by not knowing what those warning signs indicated.”

Gavin slid a little closer. “What warning signs are you talking about?”

“He’d get mad if I ever got into his things. Was super private. And he’d clam up, would hardly talk to me for days. I thought he was just moody, you know? He had a difficult childhood and has struggled to make peace with his mother’s alcoholism and neglect. So I tried to give him the space to cope.” Her voice hardened. “Little did I know what he was doing with all of that space...”

Images Gavin didn’t care to see rose in his mind. “He didn’t ever get violent with you or the kids, did he?”

“No. Then maybe I would’ve had a real clue, something to prepare me for the shock of what he was doing when he was supposedly at work.”

Gavin breathed a little easier. “Did he ever talk about bondage or that sort of thing?”

“Never. If he had violent fantasies, rape fantasies, he didn’t say a word. He knew how horrified I’d be, which is probably why.” She toyed with the ends of her hair. “But...”

Her words trailed off, so he prompted her to continue. “But?”

“In order for him to get aroused enough to...to climax during sex, he had to—” She stopped as if she didn’t generally discuss such intimate details with anyone, let alone a new neighbor. “Never mind.”

Gavin nudged her with his elbow. “You might as well finish. We’ve talked about dildos, remember?”

She laughed in spite of the seriousness of the subject. “I still can’t believe I made that comment. I’ve never said anything like that to anyone else.”

“You can always speak your mind with me.”

She studied him as if she was trying to decide whether it was really safe to be that open and trusting. “Fine,” she said. “He’d put his hands around my throat like this while we were making love.”

As she stepped in front of him and her cool, small hands slid around his throat, Gavin couldn’t help feeling defensive of her. “Did he ever squeeze too tight?”

Her hands dropped away and she stepped back. “There was only one time when I had to tell him I couldn’t breathe.”

“What’d he do then?”

“He came before letting go. But it happened right away. And I believed he loved me, that he’d hung on a pinch too long because he was so close to orgasm and wasn’t thinking clearly. Besides, he apologized.”

“How’d you feel about that kind of sex play?”

“I hated it. Believe me, there are plenty of other places I’d rather have a man’s hands, places that feel a lot better.”

All the blood in Gavin’s body rushed to his groin. Her ex hadn’t treated her right, and he couldn’t help craving the opportunity to rectify that. “But no one wants to be accused of being a bad sex partner, someone who refuses to be a little adventurous, so you tolerated it.”