Right Where We Belong (Silver Springs #4)(20)

Gavin let his head fall against the door frame above his hand.

“You’re not going to say anything?” she asked when he didn’t respond.

“I don’t know what to say.” He knew how religious her family was. Although she didn’t buy in completely, an abortion would be out of the question. He wasn’t sure he’d suggest terminating a pregnancy in the first place. So...what other options did they have?

“When can we find out?” he asked. No doubt Scott wanted to learn the child’s paternity as badly as he did...

“Not until the baby’s born.”

He straightened in surprise. “That’s nine months!”

“Seven months,” she corrected. “I’m about nine weeks along—or that’s what we think. I’ve never been good at keeping track of my cycle.”

“Seven months is an eternity. Surely, there’s got to be a way to find out sooner.”

“We could do a prenatal paternity test, but it’d be safer—better for the baby—to wait. My doctor told me he wouldn’t recommend it.”

He felt sick. She was right. He had begun to want a family, but not with her. With someone he could truly love.

“Gavin? Are you okay?”

He struggled to voice a few words. “Yeah. I’m fine.”

“You’re just standing there, looking dazed.”

He was screaming inside, but he didn’t want to make this any harder on her. The fact that she was crying told him she hadn’t planned the pregnancy. “What can I do to help?” he managed to say.

“There’s nothing anyone can do at this point. But I’m hoping you’ll be open to giving us another chance. For the sake of the baby. I mean...maybe the universe is trying to tell us something.”

Gavin didn’t believe the universe had anything to do with it. As far as he was concerned, it was plain bad luck. “It’ll be okay,” he said, but that was a lie. At least, it was for him. “We’ll get through it somehow.”

She gave him a funny look. Could she tell he was only going through the motions? That his heart wasn’t in those words?

“Is that a yes?” she asked. “You’re willing to try again?”

Apparently, his response hadn’t been entirely appropriate. Or it wasn’t what she’d been looking for. But he was picking up only about every other word. With effort, he focused harder. “I’m sorry. What’d you say?”

“Will you give me another chance? I think we’re good together. You couldn’t find anyone who would love you more.”

He squeezed his forehead. “Let me think about it, okay? This is... This is a bit of a shock.”

She sniffed as she attempted a watery smile. “Okay. Yeah, of course.”

“Thank you,” he said politely, and went inside, where he set his guitar carefully to one side and slid down the door.

*

In elementary school, Gavin had been fascinated by the story of Hansel and Gretel. His first theft—at seven years old—had been a worn copy of it he’d stolen from the school library and hidden under his bed. He’d loved the happy ending—even though it made him sad, given his own situation—but hated the book, because he couldn’t understand how the father could miss the evil in Hansel and Gretel’s stepmother. None of the other kids who read the book or were told the story seemed to hold the father responsible, but Gavin knew the woodcutter had to have seen some sign of the stepmother’s unkindness, just as his father had witnessed the way Gavin’s stepmother, Diana, had mistreated him. Diana had claimed he was a behavioral problem, had complained about him constantly—and he had been a rambunctious boy—but he hadn’t been seriously delinquent until well after she was out of his life. That was when he’d acted out in earnest.

He should’ve been able to depend on his father to look out for him. Since his birth mother died of a heart defect when he was two, he’d had only his father to act as his protector. Had Miles cared enough, Gavin’s stepmother would never have been able to leave him at that park.

Gavin had been only six when she drove off, but he’d never forget coming out of the bathroom to find her gone. The sickening almost instant knowledge that she hadn’t left him by accident. The gut-ripping fear when the hours dragged on and she didn’t return. Or the whispering of the stranger who came across him and called the authorities.

Letting his head fall back on the door with a thud, Gavin cursed under his breath. He was still on the floor, hadn’t moved since Heather left, and it’d been almost an hour. The news she’d delivered had decimated him, opened him up to his past in a way nothing else could—probably because he was terrified of being responsible for someone else’s happiness, terrified of failing the way his father had failed with him. It required all his focus and energy just to stave off the memories that were assaulting him like machine-gun fire.

Squeezing his eyes closed, he hugged his knees to his chest and brought his head forward again. Don’t remember. That was another life, someone else’s decision. You’re an adult now, in charge of your own fate and your own happiness. That was what Aiyana had taught him. He’d been much happier after she’d come into his life. He’d quit stealing, quit getting in trouble with the law, and had eventually found an inner peace that had always eluded him before. He managed that by refusing to give a mental audience to anything that’d happened to him before the age of fourteen, which was when he started at New Horizons and was adopted a few months later by Aiyana. But now that he was finally hearing from his old man every once in a while, it was more difficult to keep those old memories bottled up. Just the sound of Miles’s voice—or that name on his caller ID—dredged up the pain.