Revel (Second Chance Romance #1)(33)

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“I didn’t want to leave you.”

They’d been lying next to one another for almost twenty minutes in complete silence after getting out their aggression on each other’s bodies. Neither had known what to say.

“Then why did you?” Charlotte asked, turning toward him. She was naked, without even a sheet to cover her. He couldn’t stop staring at her body. Fuck, she was hot.

“It’s complicated,” Declan said. “But it was the wrong choice. I felt it as soon as I made it. At least, it was the wrong choice for me. But at the time, it was the right choice for you.”

Charlotte’s expression changed to anger, “What the f*ck, Declan? So you know what’s best for me? Please. Just admit it. Your rich daddy didn’t want you with some common girl from Tennessee. So you dumped me. That’s the message I got. Loud and clear. Don’t make it about something else. Own what you did.” She was crying now. “You killed me that day, Declan. You blindsided me completely and then didn’t even try to make sure I was okay once I was gone. I was vapor to you. A summer f*ck, right? Because guys like you, once they get what they want, they get bored. Just f*cking admit it!”

She hadn’t meant to yell at him but she couldn’t help it. It was over ten years of anger coming out all at once.

“I’m sorry,” he said, pulling her toward him. “That wasn’t it at all. I was a f*cking mess after we broke up.”

“Do you really expect me to feel bad for you?” Charlotte asked, pulling away. “Fuck you, Declan DeGraff.”

She stood up and starting pulling her clothes back on, “It was a mistake to come over here. A big mistake.”

Declan sat up, the sheets wrapped around his waist. He buried his head in his hands.

“It’s not a mistake,” Declan said. “Charlotte, we ended up in Charleston at the same time. After years of being away from it. And then we end up in houses right next to each other. Do you really believe that was coincidence?”

“Yes,” Charlotte lied. “I do.”

Declan shook his head, “I know you better than that. This is happening for a reason, Charlotte.”

“Fuck your reasons,” she said, pulling on her shoes. “I don’t want to hear them. Goodbye, Declan.”

“Charlotte,” Declan said, standing up. “Don’t go. Fuck. You really want to know why I left you? Because if it will make you stay, I’ll tell you.”

Charlotte stared at him, “Tell me. It will make me stay for now. But then I’m gone.”

Declan’s heart was pounding so hard he was sure she could hear it. This wasn’t how he’d wanted any of this to go.

That f*cking letter, he thought.

“I don’t know how to even say this,” he said. “Can I at least give you a preface?”

“A preface?” Charlotte said. She rolled her eyes. “Fine. A preface and then the truth.”

“Deal,” Declan said. “Let me preface it with this: I loved you, Charlotte. I still love you. I’ve never loved anyone else. I am not capable of loving anyone else. As punishment for what I did to you, I have not allowed anyone in. Not even close. All my passion for you I poured into my work. Into my business. I was hoping one day it could be different and that if we ever met again I could have built something for us. But as the years went on, I knew it couldn’t be. But I have never stopped wanting it, Charlotte. And I have never stopped loving you. It’s just not possible for me to. Some people, they get a piece of you, and you don’t get it back. And the part of me that is able to love, that’s the part you took. And it will always be yours, even if you don’t want it.”

Charlotte was quiet now. Her expression had softened.

“That being said,” Declan said, choking up. “What am I about to tell you is really bad, Charlotte. And it will change so much. It will change everything.”

“Declan, stop it,” Charlotte said. “You’re scaring me.”

Declan pulled her toward him and held her tight against his chest. He knew it might be the last time after what he was about to reveal.

“My mom,” Declan said, trying to hold back his emotion. “She killed herself about seven months after you left Charleston.”

Charlotte looked up at him, “Oh my God. Declan. I had no idea. I feel terrible. That’s so… Why didn’t you tell me? Reach out to me?”

He shook his head, “I couldn’t. There’s more. I wish there wasn’t, but there is.”

“Okay,” Charlotte said. Her head was against him now. “I want to hold you so badly right now.”

He wrapped his arms around her tighter, “I love you. Well, before my mother died, actually the night after you had lunch with her, my mother confessed something very terrible to me. Something that ended up eating her alive for years, something she had never shared with anyone else.”

Declan took a deep breath, “My mother was an addict. Pills mostly, and alcohol. She was in a loveless marriage of convenience. Expected to be the constant Stepford southern wife, always smiling. But she was in so much pain and I never understood why. But one night, after meeting you and learning about your mother, she confessed her reasons for being especially sad the previous five years.”