Rejected (Shadow Beast Shifters, #1)(62)

What was I actually thinking challenging him? Everyone here feared that bastard… everyone! I didn’t have a hope in hell. But I had to try. It wasn’t in me to just roll over and accept defeat, even if my stupid ass deserved it.

The rest of my night was filled with restless sleep, and I ended up switching on the light to dig out the books I’d stored under my bed. Books I really didn’t need to hide since Shadow appeared to know everything I’d been up to since I’d stepped foot in this place. Probably due to that little snitch, Inky.

I glared at the puff of smoke who’d materialized a few hours ago, thankfully after the orgasm, and had proceeded to hang around like a bad smell. “You betrayed me,” I said, glaring at it. “Snitching to Shadow about me.”

It swelled into a great puff of black cloud, and as the synapses sparked at me, I had the weirdest thought it was trying to communicate. “I can’t understand you, no matter how huge you get,” I said with a snarl. “Why don’t you just run off and tell your master that I’m reading again?”

Truth be told, these books were from Shadow’s library, and the controlling bastard no doubt knew when anything was touched in there. But in my cranky, sex-deprived, hungry-because-there’d-been-no-dinner state, I was looking for a fight. Inky was the only one around for me to grouse at, so it could just deal with it.

It swelled even larger, so I turned my back and pretended it wasn’t there, all the while reading through my stolen tome about the Shadow Realm. From what the directory told me, there were exactly zero books about the Shadow Realm in the Library of Knowledge. At least none without a lock. In Shadow’s library, on the other hand, I’d discovered five whole books on that realm, and there was no doubt more hidden away—it was much harder to search without a directory.

In the ones I’d found, though, the details were quite sparse.

A few facts I had learned: the Shadow Realm was actually the most similar realm to Earth, in regard to structure. They had masses of land, bodies of water, and lots of inhabitants who enjoyed sun, surf, and snow. Depending on where they lived. But there was a darkness in this land that was not in ours. An actual underbelly of shadow creatures that were considered lower level, controlled by the royals. Those with the magic and power—like Shadow himself—kept them as guards, pets, and amusement. Which made my theory about him just pretending to need my help to contain them way more plausible.

Not knowing Shadow’s real name, I couldn’t tell if he was referenced in these books, but there were a lot of mentions of the royal family, their arranged marriages, and the duties they undertook in each of their lands. He had to be a royal; there was just no way he could have the power he did otherwise, unless Inky somehow powered him.

The worst part was none of the books detailed the spell on the door or why the Shadow Realm had been cut off from the Solaris System.

Someone knew, though… I wasn’t asking the right questions.

How did I touch it?

That in and of itself might have been the greatest mystery of all, since it was fairly clear that only those born of the Shadow Realm could usually access its powerful underbelly of energy. But I did have one working theory that it was my connection to the Shadow Beast. Shifters were born of him, and maybe in my pain, my soul had reached into an ancient connection between shifter and beast. And then between beast and the world he’d originated from.

Dropping the book, I closed my eyes, searching for a way to touch the realm again. Recalling the pain of Torin’s rejection, it was less intense; I’d grown accustomed to living with the loss, so how could I replicate those emotions and the way my vision doubled over, as it had been known to do in the past...

I slammed upright in bed, books scattering everywhere.

Throughout my life, when the bullying or attacks had been at their worst, I’d had this slight doubling over of my vision. An event I’d hidden from the world, pretending I hadn’t been losing my mind, when in reality I knew it wasn’t normal. Had that been me tapping into Shadow and through him the Shadow Realm all along?

To replicate it, though, I would have to put myself in a position where I genuinely feared for my life or suffered intense abuse. Weirdly enough, despite his asshole tendencies, it hadn’t happened with Shadow yet, and that meant I needed someone else.

No doubt one of the worlds could create moments of terror. What had Shadow said about Faerie…? What they do to Earthlings who stumble into their world makes me look like a fucking saint.

Faerie might be the world for me to try, and knowing Len, he could help me navigate it so I didn’t actually end up dead. He was Shadow’s friend, so surely, if I explained what I needed, he’d help with this mission. But would it truly be enough to bring on my double vision if I was with someone who might protect me? It was so hard to predict what might trigger the double sight, and forcing it felt like an invitation for disaster.

By the time morning arrived, I was no closer to a conclusion about what to do to bring on the double vision, but I had added a bunch of new theories to obsessively mull over for days. Night well spent. But today, I had a bet to win.

With that in mind, I dragged myself out of bed and got dressed in my regular clothes. I wasn’t about to wander around naked to win a bet—not yet anyway—and in all honesty, I was hoping to find a connection before I had sex. It would be nice if I could lose my virginity to someone I was genuinely attracted to, with a personality that didn’t make me want to stab them.