Reign the Earth (The Elementae #1)(83)

“I know every man in the army. They’ve all crossed my path at least once. If I choose to believe that peace is impossible, I have to be willing to see every one of those men die.” He looked at me, and the green was bright, catching the light of the sun. “Your costs are different, but no less high.”

My hands settled on my stomach, and I thought of all the people I would watch Calix endanger over the life of our marriage. I thought, too, of the people who he would punish if I never returned to the Tri City. Either way there was blood. I shut my eyes.

“Why is it so important to go to the desert?” Galen asked. “With the baby, I mean.”

I felt my cheeks flush. “I’m surprised that Calix took it seriously enough to mention it. He dismissed it when I brought it up.”

He stayed silent, his stony face impassive, and I wondered if Calix had passed it on the same way.

“It’s a blessing,” I said after a moment. “The clans—we’re nomadic people. We travel the desert for weeks, months at a time. But when there’s a new clan member, they need to know the way back to Jitra. They need to be able to find their feet, and find their heart. So we journey to Jitra, and before they’re even born, they’re blessed in the water there. With all the clan around, so they will know family, and home, and love. No matter where sands and stone take them, they will know these things.”

He cleared his throat and nodded. “That would be a beautiful thing to give to any child.”

I sighed. “He won’t consider it. He knows it’s important to me, and he won’t consider it.”

His mouth opened, and it closed again, and he squinted into the distance. Several moments later, he didn’t turn to me, but he asked, “Do you love him?”

Heat rushed to my face, but I wasn’t sure why. It seemed like such an easy question, but it wasn’t a simple answer. “Sometimes I think I cursed myself,” I admitted. “I saw Calix, in Jitra, before the wedding, and he was handsome. I wished …” My embarrassment, my foolishness choked my words. “I wished for him. For him to be my husband. Because I thought it was that easy—I would marry a handsome king and love him. Why would I not? I’ve never met a married couple who were not at least tremendous friends, if not deeply in love. And I thought it would feel powerful, and overwhelming, like a sandstorm.” I flushed, thinking of the jolt in the earth when Galen removed my veil. “And then I understood that I had only a sheltered young girl’s idea of love, and more likely, love is something that grows between two people. And there are moments when he’s kind to me, or thoughtful, and I feel something like hope—but I hate those moments more than any other, because they mean that I am beginning to mistake the absence of cruelty for love.”

His throat worked, and he looked down and back up again. “You know the difference,” he said. “You can’t possibly care about people the way you do and not understand what it means to be truly loved in return.”

I laughed, embarrassed but warmed by his words. “I don’t know. But I do believe that my parents are very lucky. They love each other so very much.”

“Was their marriage arranged?” he asked.

“Of sorts,” I said. “My father was about to become the leader of d’Dragyn, and he wanted to marry. There were only so many suitable women across d’Falcos or d’Skorpios, and my mother was the sister of the man who would become the Falcon.”

“So the position is passed from father to son?” he asked.

“No,” I said. “Well, in a manner. The clan leader will groom someone for the position; often it is a child of theirs, but not always. The clan leader must be the strongest, the most fit to lead. It doesn’t happen often, but if need be, the leader will select someone outside his family.” I smiled. “So I suppose you could say their marriage was arranged.”

“So was there ever someone else?” Galen asked, and his mouth teased at a smile.

“For my parents?” I asked, horrified. “No. They loved each other from the start.”

He laughed, and it was unexpected. “For you,” he said. “Surely you can’t have grown up thinking you’d marry Calix. What plans did you have for your life?”

“I thought I’d be just like my mother,” I admitted. “There’s a d’Skorpios boy around my age, Alekso. He was being groomed, and my brothers had met him and said he would be a good leader. I figured that was all there was to it—he would be my husband, and as soon as he removed my veil we would fall wildly in love and have seven children.” Even I had to laugh at how that sounded now, and Galen chuckled with me. The laugh stung my cheek, and I sobered. “How life has changed in a few short months,” I said.

But he had caught the bit of information I had accidentally betrayed. “Your husband is meant to remove the veil?” he asked.

Blood rushed into my face, pounding beneath the bruise. “Yes,” I said, glancing at him.

He met my eyes. “No one told us that.”

“They wouldn’t have,” I said. “Certainly not after it happened. The unveiling is supposed to be a spiritual connection—a binding. Some higher power. It’s supposed to be the husband who unveils his wife, revealing her to him. The start of their life together. The forging of their bond.” I gave him a sad smile.