Reign (The Sainthood - Boys of Lowell High #3)(37)
I’m worried he’s having a coronary when I tell him I need four rings for my four grooms, and I wish I could record the moment because the guys would get such a kick out of the shocked look of horror on his face, but when I pass my platinum card over, he quickly gets over himself. I pay a premium to get a rush job on the engraving, and he promises to have all four rings for me to collect in a couple days.
I text Caz as I’m walking back to my car, arranging to meet them at the barn in an hour. Saint messages me a couple minutes later to confirm he has some guys coming to the house to watch over Mom while we’re gone, and that eases a layer of stress off my shoulders. I need to talk to her later. To see if I can convince her to move someplace safe, and I’m waiting for Diesel to call me back.
I blast Paramore as I drive toward Prestwick, a deep contentment sinking bone-deep. My life might be a shitshow at the moment, but making this commitment to my guys feels incredibly right, and I have zero doubts.
I arrive before them, using the code to let myself in through the gate.
A blast of heat hits me the second I enter the barn, and my heart warms at Theo’s thoughtfulness. I don’t need proof to know he dialed in remotely to switch the heating on.
I’m remarkably calm as I kick off my shoes, grab a beer, and settle on the couch to wait for my guys.
Butterflies swoop into my chest as the rumble of an engine grows louder and then it cuts out, right outside.
“Honey, we’re home!” Caz calls out, bursting through the door first, and I grin as I get to my feet, walking around the couch to greet the guys who are my everything.
I fling my arms around Caz, and he dips me down low as he slams his lips on mine, kissing me hard, making me dizzy with need.
“Dude, her ribs,” Galen chastises him, and Caz pulls us upright, breaking our lip-lock.
“It’s cool,” I say as Galen plants his hands on my hips, lowering his head to kiss me.
“You okay?” he whispers over my lips, and I smile as I cup his gorgeous face.
“I’m more than good.” I nuzzle my nose in his neck, inhaling his citrusy, woodsy scent
He nods, pecking my lips one final time before handing me to Theo.
Theo wraps his arms around me, hugging me to him, and his body heat seeps into mine, warming me all over. “Love you,” he says in a low voice so only I can hear. “And I’m fine with whatever you’ve decided.” His mouth slides against mine, and it’s the softest, sweetest brushing of our lips, but it’s everything.
Theo releases me, walking to the couches to join the others as Saint and I stare at one another. His eyes burrow into mine, and I know he wishes he could delve into my mind and find the truth. “Come here,” he demands, and his deep, raw tone sends delightful shivers coursing down my spine. I step toward him, and he pulls me close, slanting his mouth over mine in a long, deep, slow, passionate kiss that is tinged with pain and fear.
He thinks I won’t choose him. That he’s not worthy.
My heart hurts. I grab his shirt, holding him closer, opening my mouth, and letting his tongue inside. I pour everything into this kiss, hoping he feels it and that it reassures him.
Conscious of the others, I break the kiss, because I don’t want to prolong their agony. Taking Saint’s hand, I drag him over to the couch. We sit down beside Galen, and Caz distributes beers.
“You know I’m not one for sugarcoating things,” I start. “So, I won’t beat around the bush.” I let my gaze rake over each one of them. “I love you all. So fucking much. Choosing to marry only one of you was killing me until I realized I was overlooking the most important thing.” I grab hold of Galen’s and Saint’s hands, fixing my gaze on Theo and Caz who are seated on the couch across from us. “I’m not just marrying one of you. I’m marrying all of you.”
“What do you mean?” Caz asks, looking perplexed.
“I want a commitment ceremony with all of you, and it will be as binding as the legal marriage ceremony to me.”
“What’s a commitment ceremony?” Saint inquires.
I twist around so I’m facing him. “I researched it in the early hours this morning. It’s what a lot of people do in polyamorous relationships. We commit our love in a ceremony that binds us together in our hearts.” Nerves jangle in my chest. “It won’t be legal, but I would view it in the same way. It’s for us and only us.”
I don’t care whether society views our relationship as wrong, and I sure as fuck don’t care that they wouldn’t recognize my other three husbands. All I care about is us doing this together as a commitment of sharing our lives together. To me, doing this is more permanent than any marriage certificate because we are willingly choosing to commit ourselves to this relationship.
“I love it,” Caz says. “And I don’t need to think about it. I’m in.”
“It’s perfect,” Galen adds, tucking my hair behind my ear. “I want to do it.”
“I already know I’ll love you till my dying days,” Theo supplies. “And I want to commit to you.”
Air whooshes out of my mouth in grateful relief, and I smile as I probe Saint’s face. “What are your thoughts?”
“We’re already committed as far as I’m concerned.” He grips my chin. “But if this makes it more formal, then hell yeah. We’re doing it.”