Reign (The Sainthood - Boys of Lowell High #3)(18)
“Come sit in front of me. I need to touch you.” I should’ve waited to have this conversation someplace more intimate where I could console him.
He drops to the floor in front of me with his back against the legs of the chair and his knees tucked into his chest. I place my hands on his shoulders and begin kneading. “What are you afraid of?”
“I’ve spent years imagining what it would be like to be with a man, and now it’s within reach, I’m terrified, Lo.” He looks back at me, and I brush my fingers across his brow and down over his cheeks. “What if it’s not what I want after all? Or what if I’m no good at it? Or what if I want something more and he doesn’t? I don’t want to mess up my friendship with him or the others, and I don’t want anything to come between us or for anything to damage our relationship.” He grabs my hand, struggling to contain the heightened emotion in his tone. “And what if Galen and Saint hate me for this? Or they think I’ll hit on them next or—”
“What exactly happened?” I ask, interrupting him on purpose before he gives himself a heart attack.
He squeezes my hand before letting it go. “We were talking one minute, and then we were kissing, and it felt great, fucking amazing actually”—he looks back at me again, and his eyes are alive, sparkling with happiness, until his mouth drops and the mood changes—“but the instant he put his hand on my thigh, I freaked the fuck out. Told him to get out, and I pretty much haven’t stopped freaking since,” he admits.
“Why do you think you freaked out when he touched you?” I ask, continuing to unknot the boulders in his shoulders as we talk.
“I don’t know.” He sighs heavily. “Maybe I’m not ready. Maybe that’s why I’m so fucking terrified.”
“You need to talk to Caz, Theo. You need to tell him what you told me. He will understand.”
“What if he doesn’t?”
“You won’t know unless you tell him how you are feeling. He’s probably confused too. I’m guessing it was a big deal for him as well.”
I know Caz has been with guys before, which is probably why he was the one making the move, but I don’t mention that as Caz told me it in confidence and I’m not sure if Theo knows or whether it would help or hinder. All I know is I love both these guys, and I see the attraction between them, and I want nothing more than for them to figure it out.
It’s tempting to interfere. To act as the middleman. But I can’t get dragged into this. They need to figure this minefield out for themselves, and if Theo is truly scared, then he needs to find his courage to go after something he’s desired for years or work out whether his desires have changed. I can’t make that choice for him.
“He’s angry with me,” Theo says.
“It could be hurt,” I suggest.
“I don’t want to hurt him.” Theo twists around so he’s facing me. “That’s the last thing I want.”
“Just talk to him.” I wind my fingers in his hair. “You know Caz. No matter what the outcome is, he’ll be cool with it. But he needs to understand what’s in that beautiful head of yours. I have faith you two will work it out.”
“And you’re truly okay with this?” His voice elevates with his disbelief.
“Are you kidding me?” I laugh a little. “You’re mine and Caz is mine, but the thought of the two of you together?” I fan myself. “That is seriously fucking hot, and it makes me horny as hell.” I squirm on the chair as need pulses in my groin.
“You really mean that.” He blinks profusely.
“I really do. And as much as I love thinking about you two getting down and dirty, there is nothing hotter than seeing you finally get your heart’s desire.”
CHAPTER 7
“HAS ANYONE SPOKEN with Diesel?” I ask later that night as we watch back-to-back scary movies in the living room. It’s Halloween and the first time in years I’m not out partying up a storm. I’m lying lengthways on the big couch with my head on a cushion on Theo’s lap, and my bare feet are resting on Saint’s thighs. A soft blanket covers my body, and I’m toasty warm and content.
“Granddad called the instant I messaged him the day of the explosion,” Saint says, rubbing my feet under the blanket.
“He was freaking out,” Caz adds from his spread-eagled position on the other couch. Galen caved to his pain and went to bed a couple hours ago after popping some more pills. “I could hear him shouting down the phone at Saint.” He chuckles, reminding me they are such assholes when it comes to my trainer and friend.
“He blames us for not keeping you safe. Not that I fault him for that. You got injured on our watch, which should never have happened,” Theo says.
“Don’t do that!” I snap, instantly losing my temper. I glare up at him. “This is not your fault. The only person responsible is that conniving cunt Taylor, and I refuse to let her occupy any more of my headspace.”
“The perv’s been checking on you daily,” Saint supplies, ignoring my little outburst. “He’s overseas doing whatever the fuck he does. He has no update on that DEA agent, but he said he’ll be all over it once he’s back on US soil.”
“I texted him this morning, but I haven’t heard anything from him yet,” I admit. I had a few worried messages from him when I powered up my cell, so I’d expected him to call me ASAP, but he must be knee-deep in his latest mission.