Redemption(22)

My eyes were wild, searching him, wanting some hope he’d seen him. I knew he wouldn’t understand my need to find Cosmo, it wasn’t rational. He was just a cat. But when people fail you, animals love unconditionally, selflessly. I’d gotten him the week after Matt and I finally split, and there were days I chose to live because no one would be around to take care of him.

Dan returned the gun to the glove box and took my cheeks in his hands. “Don’t cry, Penny. He might be inside. You know he secretly plots my death, so he could be hiding from me. We’ll find him.”

“You don’t understand, Dan. He’s all I have.” The moment the words came out, I realized they’d come out wrong, but Dan didn’t chastise me or even seem fazed by the comment.

“We’ll, find him. Come on.”

The two of us searched every square inch of my house, closing doors behind us to ensure Cosmo didn’t sneak into a room we’d already checked. There wasn’t a cabinet that hadn’t been opened or a closet that hadn’t been examined. My friend was gone, and I was heartbroken. The dark of night had set in, but I stood on the porch calling his name praying he’d come home if he heard my voice. It was pointless. I knew my beautiful blue kitty would have bolted, scared by the unfamiliar territory that had lured him out the door to begin with. His curiosity had bested him, and now he was gone.

Dan had searched all around the house with a flashlight, but I knew his bulky presence would further frighten Cosmo. My only chance was to set out food and hope he found his way back. There were no neighbors to ask if they’d seen him, no posts to plaster signs to—he was just gone.

His arms closed around my waist from behind, and his chin dipped to my shoulder. “I’m sorry, Lissa. I wish I knew what else to do.”

“It’s not your fault. I know better than to run off without ensuring the door is closed. I was excited and didn’t pay attention. He’s just a cat. It’ll be fine.”

He spun me around to face him. “Don’t do that. I know he’s not just a cat to you. I don’t know why you love the fleabag so much, but I know you do. It’s okay to be sad and upset.” He pulled me against his chest where I nodded and cried.

I appreciated his pretending like this mattered to him. I wanted to stay where I was, tucked into his chest, surrounded by his embrace, but I knew Cosmo would never come home with him standing on the porch.

“Do you want me to stay?”

I hated to tell him no because the truth was I did. “I do, but I’m afraid if he’s lurking around here, he won’t come home if he hears or sees you.”

He kissed my temple and gave me a sympathetic excuse for a smile. “Understood. If you need me, or you find him, promise me you’ll call?”

My lips formed a thin line, and I nodded in affirmation. “Of course.”

“Bye, Penny.”



*

I’d cried since Dan left. I couldn’t hold on to anything without killing it. Anything that depended on me would be sorely let down. He was a cat. I shouldn’t be crushed, but it was almost as painful as losing Joshua. In some ways, I was like a recovering addict. They’re not supposed to be in romantic relationships until they’ve completed a year of sobriety, and then programs suggest trying to keep a house plant alive for a year before embarking on a pet. I had done it all. I wasn’t an addict, but I’d endured months of extensive counseling—I’d followed the rules. First Joshua, now my cat. It just didn’t make sense except I was toxic to anything dependent upon me.

The beating on my door scared the crap out of me. I was hesitant to go to the door at almost midnight. I approached quietly to see if I could see who was on the porch before I turned on the light.

“Lissa, baby, open the door.” Dan’s voice rang out in the night, booming against the door. It dawned on me he was kicking the door when the thuds came from the ground upward. He wasn’t knocking.

I couldn’t get the locks undone fast enough. I whipped the door open, my face a broken mess, puffy and red from crying, but it was nothing compared to Dan’s.

“What happen—” My ornery cat was drenched and highly irritated, but breathing…in Dan’s arms.

I quickly took Cosmo from him and pulled him in the house. I ran to the guest bathroom to get a towel to dry off the cat when it dawned on me Dan was having an allergic reaction. His face was a balloon, he was covered in scratches, more than anything though, I was more concerned about his breathing.

“Is it anaphylaxic?”

He nodded, and I heard the wheezing.

“Do I need to call 9-1-1, or do we have time to make it to the hospital?” I gave Cosmo one final rub of the towel. He’d be fine as long as I closed the door this time. It was warm in the house, and he could find a blanket to curl up in.

Dan wanted me to drive his truck, but I just looked at him like he was insane. That thing was a monster and now wasn’t the time to try to manage it. I wanted to know how he’d found Cosmo but wasn’t sure he needed to be wasting precious air talking.

“Slow down, Lissa. I’m okay…don’t kill us on back roads trying to get us there faster.”

What he was, was a liar. He was far from okay, and his voice gave me every indication there was cause for alarm. It was muffled and breathy like he was struggling to push the words out or find the oxygen to deliver them. I lived out in the country, but luckily that was still only a few miles from the nearest emergency room.