Reckless(48)

“So until I can see what Allison’s gonna do, what she’s gonna level at me on Tuesday at the courthouse and the fallout of what happened today, I think we should put what’s going on between us on the back burner. I need to talk to my attorney and figure out how to deal with her demands in a way that won’t set her off. I can’t have her freaking out in front of the kids again.”

Tori shocks me once more, wrapping her arms around my waist in a tight hug. “Whatever you need. I know Mila and Cody come first, as they should.”

I kiss the top of her head, hating that I probably shouldn’t even do that, but holding her is heaven, and the comfort of having her in my arms is overwhelming. “I’m so sorry,” I mumble in her hair. “I want you to know I really like you. I like being with you. Hanging out.”

Those words feel sorely inadequate, though I’m not sure how to phrase what this woman makes me feel.

“I like you too, Ethan.” Her chest rises in another heavy sigh. “But I understand.”

That’s good, because I’m not sure I do.





27





Tori





Cody tugs on my shirt, and I nearly fall out of my flip-flops. I don’t know why I’m so jumpy. I’m not the one getting divorced today.

Poor Ethan was a wreck this morning. Spilled his coffee all over his slacks and had to change. I guess his nerves are rubbing off on me.

Since our chat on Sunday morning, we haven’t had any more heart-to-hearts, nothing beyond a soft smile over dinner or a hug when I bring him lunch. Mostly, he’s been working his ass off in the barn to make up for the time he and Logan had to take off today to go to court.

I can’t lie—I miss the intimacy we’d started to build before Sunday morning brought everything crashing down. He’s pulled back, and while he explained why he needed to do that, it’s difficult not to feel a little hurt.

“Want a sandwich?” I ask Cody as I brush his blond hair off his forehead. If I cut it into small squares, he might eat it this time instead of just tearing it apart and gobbling up the lunch meat.

He blinks up at me with his daddy’s blue eyes and gives me a big toothless grin. “Sammich.”

“You got it, buddy.” I grab the bread and a few plates. “Mila, are you hungry?”

“Yeah.”

When she doesn’t say more, I turn to watch her coloring at the kitchen table. She’s been coloring a lot lately, ever since she heard her parents arguing Sunday morning.

Last night, Ethan mentioned that he was going to explain to her what was happening today, so I know she might be feeling emotional.

After I make the kids lunch and seat Cody in his high chair, I lean over to see what Mila’s coloring.

“That’s so pretty. Is it for your dad?” She’s drawn a horse and an enormous butterfly.

“Yup.”

“He’s going to love it.”

She doesn’t say anything and barely touches her sandwich.

“Honey, are you sad about today? It’s okay if you are.”

Tears start tumbling down her cheeks, and I pull her into my lap. “Yeah, I’m sad. Re-re-realllllly sad.”

My heart crumbles into a million pieces as I rock her gently. “It’s okay to cry about it, to me or your dad. To your momma too. We all love you, and it’s good to talk about how you’re feeling with people who love you.”

When Mila and Ethan spoke last night, he told me she hadn’t wanted to discuss it. Just kept nodding and acting like the divorce wasn’t a big deal.

It obviously is.

Mila hiccups and holds me tighter. “Momma says she doesn’t want me living with Daddy any-any-anymore.”

As much as I’m struggling to not voice anything derogatory about Allison, I don’t think it’s healthy to turn kids against their parents.

“Sweetheart, she’s just upset, okay? I’m sure she’ll work things out with your dad.”

She nods. “I wanna st-st-stay here. With you and Daddy.”

“And he wants you here. I’m sure once everything settles down, it’ll be okay. Your daddy loves you so much. He’d move mountains to be with you.”

“I wish it was like it used to be. Like in our pictures.” She sniffles, and I grab a napkin and help her blow her nose. “Except I want you here too.”

Mustering a smile, I wipe away a few of my own tears that escape. “If your momma was here, you guys wouldn’t need me to help out, but I understand what you mean.”

I consider the family photos on the mantel in the living room and can’t help wonder what happened to Ethan and Allison to bring them to this point.

Although Allison seems like she very much wants this divorce, she sure leveled a shitload of acrimony my way when she found me with Ethan. She screamed at me like I was the other woman. Like I was responsible for breaking up her family.

Which makes me wonder if she still loves Ethan.

Or if there’s a part of Ethan that still loves her.

After a few more minutes of holding Mila, I sit her in her chair. “Know what always cheers me up? Decorating cookies. Do you think you’d like to help me make some? You can help me stir.” I really shouldn’t feed these kids so much sugar, but I’m at a loss for how to get her out of this funk. I make a mental note to figure out more craft projects.