Real Men Knit(50)

She shook her head and took an armful of yarns. “No. I’m not talking about that.” At the moment the display of warm tweeds was not on her mind, though she knew it should be. “Taking these down is fine,” she said. “As a matter of fact, it’s long overdue. But I’m talking about me moving into Damian’s room. Even though it’s temporary, I don’t want to make you or your brothers uncomfortable. I hate the idea of intruding on your life, and I feel like it was still pretty tense when I got back.”

She hated the fact that she couldn’t shake her sketchy feeling from that morning, and she hated more that she couldn’t shake her feelings over coming in to see Erika leaving the other morning. How many mornings like that would she have to endure with a smile while she was living there? Hopefully not many, because with just the one she thought she might have reached her limit.

Jesse handed her more yarn as his eyes hinted at sparking. “You’re not intruding on my life at all. And I thought we’d cleared this up.”

“Yeah, but it didn’t seem that way when I came back this afternoon.”

He let out an agitated breath. “What you saw this afternoon was just posturing, on all our parts. I would have thought you’d be used to it by now.”

It was Kerry’s turn to frown. She would have thought so too, and for the most part she was used to it. She’d seen enough of it over the years of being in and out of this shop and in and out of their lives. But now, without Mama Joy, it somehow seemed different. She had been the mediator and the ultimate ender of all their squabbles. Without her, every situation seemed that much bigger, at least in Kerry’s mind, and to her it felt like the brothers’ relationships were teetering on the edges of their existence.

She couldn’t bear it if she was the thing that took them over the edge.

“My brothers have no reason to be uncomfortable,” he said as he stepped down from the ladder. She took a step back, but he was still really close. So close she had to look up at him. “And even if they are, I don’t care. You’re here and that’s that. I’m fine with it, so they should be too.” He cocked his head to the side, peering at her more closely. “Why? Are you not comfortable with being here?” There was a quick flash in his eyes and his lips quirked up. “Any particular reason why you shouldn’t be?”

Kerry stared at him. What was he playing at now? One minute hot, the next cold. “No, Jes. I’m fine with it. There’s nothing for me to be uncomfortable about.”

His smile widened and he stepped back, letting out a sigh that was followed by a distinct flush of embarrassment to his tanned cheeks. “Good,” he said, the relief evident in his voice. “We can move on now, right?”

“Let’s. Please.” Dear Lord, please. She wouldn’t—no, couldn’t let him know he was getting to her. Kerry did her best to smile as she put the yarns in her hand on the table, arranging and rearranging them by color and then by texture. She hoped they could move on. He seemed to be.

Jesse tapped her on the top of her head.

“What’s with that?” she said, rubbing at her head. “We’re not in high school.”

He frowned. “Well, then stop overthinking like you’re studying for the SATs. Your living here is not that serious. And you could do with getting over yourself a little too, missy. Not everything is about you.”

Kerry blinked. Not about her? So she was right—she had walked in on something else. Which meant she needed to get over her own shit, and quick. What she had said to Val earlier was true. He didn’t think of her as anything more than a distant family member, so distant that she’d be lucky if he even tried her potato salad if offered at the Strong family barbecue.

“I am over myself,” she said. “I mean, I don’t know what you’re talking about. When was I ever into myself?”

Jesse laughed.

“Either way, I’m not thinking about my living situation. But what’s the problem? Is it anything I can help with?”

His smile quickly disappeared. “You’re doing more than enough. I couldn’t ask for more.”

Kerry didn’t like the sound of that, but something in his voice let her know she’d pushed enough for one day.

“Fine. And I got Damian’s message loud and clear. We need to get the business up and running as quickly as we can. Is taking these things down and doing your planned renovations even still possible?”

Jesse looked around. His eyes were full of determination, but now she also saw something else she couldn’t quite place. Fear? Uncertainty? Desperation? Maybe a bit of all of that. “It has to be,” Jesse said. “I’m going to make sure it all works out.” He gave her a wobbly smile and her heart did a little half tilt. “I’m not worried about it, Kerry, and you shouldn’t be either. We’ll give this place the face-lift it needs and get the shop open quickly. Plus, with you here giving me a crash course to get me in shape, we’ve got this.”

Kerry let her eyes go to where his had gone as she fingered the tweed yarn. “Do you really want to go that far? It would go so much faster if we just reopened as is. You all don’t have a lot of money to spare.”

He reached out and touched the yarn too. It was intimate, the gentle way his fingers trailed over the threads. Kerry could practically feel his fingers caressing her own skin. She swallowed, pulling her hand away and lacing her fingers, interlocking them with those of her other hand.